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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's OK for a guy to be in the ladies if he's with his daughter?

359 replies

laurenwiltxx · 06/07/2016 22:34

I'm reading alot about the issue with trans and toilets recently and got me thinking about times my brother has had to take his daughter to the toilet and was taking her to the Men's (when disabled toilets weren't there or out of order ect) and I protested he take her into the women's as it wasn't appropriate considering men have there things out at the urinals and things, and seats are more likely to be peed on ect. So he began doing so and got alot of looks from women. Ive been thinking about it alot more and do understand its a really hard one. What would you say daddies in the ladies with daughters or should take them in the men's?

OP posts:
imwithspud · 07/07/2016 21:38

Actually there is no way I would take a little girl in the men's toilets. Men's toilet are disgusting.

I don't get this mentality, for 3 reasons.

  1. Surely both the men's and the ladies loos in an establishment get cleaned regularly, there's no reason why a cleaner would let the men's toilets fester in filth. Unless you've sampled every single toilet facility in the country how can you possibly know whether men's loos are more disgusting than the ladies?
  1. I've been in many ladies loo's which have been vile, some toilets are just grim regardless of gender.
  1. Why are those so called 'disgusting' men's toilets okay for men and boys to use but not for a little girl who is accompanied by her father/male carer?
BombadierFritz · 07/07/2016 21:39

Wtf op???

Stop telling men they can go in the womens loos if they've got a kid with them.

Inertia · 07/07/2016 21:46

Men should not be in the women's toilets.

It's not true that women attend to all their needs within the cubicle. Sometimes women get changed in the room but not in a cubicle. As MN can attest, many women with children in pushchairs leave the door of the cubicle open and the pushchair in the doorway, because few places have pushchair -friendly spaces.

honkinghaddock · 07/07/2016 21:49

Sometimes you have no choice in taking an older boy into the toilet with you if you cannot leave them alone and there is no suitable alternative.Also locally some of the accessible facilities are within the male and female toilets so if there is an opposite sex carer someone will have to go in the wrong toilet.

PinkyofPie · 07/07/2016 22:59

I'm still baffled as to why little girls are too precious to see the horrors of 'disgusting' men's lol, but not little boys. Care to explain anyone?

imwithspud · 07/07/2016 23:16

Somehow I don't think we will get that explanation Pinky.

Mainly because it's a ridiculous and completely sexist way of thinking and obviously no one wants to admit that.

RufusTheReindeer · 07/07/2016 23:22

My little boys are too precious to be in a mens loo Hmm

Thats why ds1 (17) and ds2 (13) still come in the ladies with me Grin

RufusTheReindeer · 07/07/2016 23:23

JOKE!!!!!

ChooseTheLifeYouLove · 07/07/2016 23:28

Grown men should not be in the ladies toilets - end of discussion.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 07/07/2016 23:37

Your little boys could probably temporarily identify as female for the five minutes it takes them in loo, and accompany you in, reindeer, and then all is well Grin

Seriously though, the answer is because little boys pee standing up. Very little boys accompany mum into ladies.

TVWife · 08/07/2016 07:11

How might a young woman who is changing her sanpro feel about a man in the ladies???!

I went in the gents with my dad when I was little and don't remember seeing anything. A man in the ladies when I was a teenager would have been very unsettling.

RufusTheReindeer · 08/07/2016 07:42

Good point under Grin

Flashbangandgone · 08/07/2016 08:09

I'm puzzled as to how so many women seem to know how horrific men's loos are! What are you basing this on? Do you often inspect them? Or are you basing your opinions on a couple of forays into the men's at a nightclub 20 years ago.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/07/2016 08:11

Surely most kids, by the stage that they would look at the other sexes bits with anything other than scientific curiosity, or start to be shy about their own bodies in front of the other sex, they're old enough for the parent to wait outside the loos? If they've got a developmental issue which means this is not the case then it seems clear to me that their parent should take them in the accessible loo with no tutting (obv its not always possible to tell which is a problem when other people can be so ignorantly judgy).

KatharinaRosalie · 08/07/2016 08:19

Very little boys accompany mum into ladies

And if a very little boy happens to be out with his dad, they both go to ladies?

MsKite · 08/07/2016 08:22

I can't imagine how wrong I would feel going into the men's toilets. How can an adult man not feel the same going into the women's?

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 08/07/2016 08:25

Katharine, No, obvs not. IMO that would be even more inappropriate than a dad taking his DD in to the ladies Confused

My post on Wed at 23:59 states how dh and I handled this.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/07/2016 08:35

was toungue in cheek.

But as was discussed earlier, if men's toilets are really so disgusting that little childrenshould not be exposed to them - then little boys must go to ladies, whether they are out with mum or dad. If the toilets are in fact not that bad, then both little girls and boys can use the toilets of the sex of the parent they are witn.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 08/07/2016 09:24

Sorry I don't agree- I just think a practical attitude is needed. In with mum where possible, if not little boys and little girls in with dad.

It is completely unreasonable for a man to go into the ladies - I don't even like male cleaners in there.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/07/2016 10:28

Yes that's what I was trying to say. if people are saying men's toilets are too disgusting and that's the reason dad needs to go to ladies, then surely they must be too disgusing for little boys too. But dad taking his son to ladies would clearly not be a reasonable solution.

VoyageOfDad · 08/07/2016 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mirime · 08/07/2016 23:42

Flashbangandgone - the ones I've walked past have stank and dh has told me they're not pleasant...

Really though, regardless of that, 99% of the time the toilet used should be based on the gender of the adult. Of course there will be odd exceptions like the pp who's small daughter wouldn't go into the men's, and that is difficult.

Ideally we need more baby change facilities like Debenhams in Cardiff which are fantastic - large room, proper counter rather than one of those pull down things, full size toilet and a smaller one, adult height sink and child height sink. Brilliant, and nobody has any excuse to use the accessible toilet next door to it. All next to the lifts as well.

(Must admit I did use accessible toilets a few times. DS would absolutely scream the place down and was impossible to change on those pull down things, often the floors in toilets are disgustingly dirty and wet and he was terrified of hand dryers. I didn't like doing it but sometimes he had to be changed as soon as possible or ideally sooner!)

Inertia · 09/07/2016 23:37

Gosh, these mythical women's toilets where all the cubicle doors lock shut.

I must be particularly unlucky to keep coming across so many with missing locks/ locks that don't work, so that I have to do that thing of balancing precariously on the loo while trying to hold the door closed with an outstretched hand . And of course you can't just wait for one with a working lock, because there are never enough to begin with.

2rebecca · 09/07/2016 23:41

If it was just me and my son when he was young he went to the women's toilet. If my husband took my daughter (which he sometimes did) he took her to a cubicle in the gents. I don't see a problem with that. In many places where we took kids it was all cubicles not urinals anyway as my husband was unlikely to be in a pub alone with her.

2rebecca · 09/07/2016 23:44

I do find it bizarre many women find male toilets too disgusting for their precious princesses but they are fine for their husbands and sons. Do the precious princesses have extra delicate noses or something whilst the boys are made of slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails?