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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's OK for a guy to be in the ladies if he's with his daughter?

359 replies

laurenwiltxx · 06/07/2016 22:34

I'm reading alot about the issue with trans and toilets recently and got me thinking about times my brother has had to take his daughter to the toilet and was taking her to the Men's (when disabled toilets weren't there or out of order ect) and I protested he take her into the women's as it wasn't appropriate considering men have there things out at the urinals and things, and seats are more likely to be peed on ect. So he began doing so and got alot of looks from women. Ive been thinking about it alot more and do understand its a really hard one. What would you say daddies in the ladies with daughters or should take them in the men's?

OP posts:
Doggity · 07/07/2016 13:48

Lauren, did you miss the discussion about women who have been assaulted or raped and the issues with men who use the opportunity for unisex to spy on women......or are you being deliberately obtuse and purposely dismissing common experiences?

PurpleDaisies · 07/07/2016 13:51

I did that without thinking really but considering alot of women on here are embarrassed of the thought of a guy seeing them washing their hands or looking in a mirror for 3 seconds, I might start a riot pmsl

Yes it's hilarious those women who've been sexually assaulted not wanting to be surprised by a man in what they thought was a woman only space. Biscuit

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 07/07/2016 13:55

Sorry, I now can't stop laughing at 'goady bomb' and 'there things'.

jellycat1 · 07/07/2016 13:58

Nobody aged over 7 who owns a PENIS should be in the ladies loo and I would most definitely say something to a grown man if he was. FFS.

Mycatsabastard · 07/07/2016 13:59

Fuck it.

Let's just let everyone into the ladies and when the queue it out the door let them use the disabled loos, because obviously it's easier for you to not give a fuck about how anyone else feels about accessible toilets being used by anyone with a child or the ladies being invaded by men because their own dd's are precious snowflakes.

Some of the responses on here have really pissed me off. Especially with regards the accessible toilets but if we start saying all men with daughters can use the ladies then when does it actually stop? A man coming in with his pregnant wife because she's not feeling great? A man coming in with his girlfriend because they are so loved up they can't bear to be apart?

The problem is you start letting dads of daughters come in, you may as well open the floodgates and let everyone in.

And please, if you use the accessible toilets because it's a) quicker or b) easier and c) you aren't actually disabled, please fucking STOP!

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 14:04

(Also) Fuck it, I'll be using the men's toilets next time I go out.

With men in the ladies with their children, and women in the disabled toilets with theirs, the men's seem to be the one going free Grin

PirateFairy45 · 07/07/2016 14:05

A bloke at a play centre I go to with DD brought his baht DS to play centre. He went into men's to change DS and there was no baby change equipment. Nor was there a disabled loos so I told him to go into the women's and I'll stay near.

He was worried sick that people world think he was a weirdo. But he needed to change his baby. And doing it on the floor in the men's is not hygienic, nor is it appropriate.

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 14:05

Oh wait, no, I can't do that. Bloody wheelchair.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 07/07/2016 14:06

And as for not writing penis I did that without thinking really but considering alot of women on here are embarrassed of the thought of a guy seeing them washing their hands or looking in a mirror for 3 seconds, I might start a riot pmsl

Where on earth did you get that idea this the site you can say fuck shit wank badger and cunt. I'm really not sure there's very many ladies of such sensitive disposition they have to be protected from the word penis!

And no my dad never took me in to the ladies! Yep I saw men at urinals but not much. And my mum took my brother in to ladies. So yes you are being unreasonable

livvylongpants · 07/07/2016 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 14:07

"Doing it on the floor...not hygienic, nor appropriate"

On that note, can I link...
www.changing-places.org

PirateFairy45 · 07/07/2016 14:10

*Beyond
*
I've already spoken to the management about it.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 07/07/2016 14:21

Nobody aged over 7 who owns a PENIS should be in the ladies loo and I would most definitely say something to a grown man if he was. FFS.

Owns a penis. Ugh. What's wrong with just saying boys. Would you really say someone who "owns a vagina" shouldn't be in the men's? No you'd say very nicely "Girls aged 7 and over should not use the mens and they should use the ladies instead"

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 14:27

I think it was to clarify that they meant sex rather than skirts vs trousers (as well as to use PENIS when OP didn't) :)

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 14:28

Pirate - 👍

TheyOnceSaid · 07/07/2016 14:30

Nobody aged over 7 who owns a PENIS should be in the ladies loo and I would most definitely say something to a grown man if he was. FFS.

DS is 6 and he will be coming into the ladies with me for many many more years to come.

Amy214 · 07/07/2016 14:34

My df always use to take me into the mens but he would apologise and cover my eyes so i didn't see anyones bits. He hated taking me in there as it wasn't appropriate because he knew what men are like.

Amy214 · 07/07/2016 14:35

But the only time i really used the mens with df was when he took me to watch the football so the toilets were minging

Bambambini · 07/07/2016 14:45

Well as men have vaginas and women have penises these days - using "women" and "men" doesn't really cover it. Then there are thise who are neither women/girls or men/boys.

I actually say someone yesterday ask a woman how she knew she was a woman and if she had had tests to confirm it.

Vixster99 · 07/07/2016 14:58

I think its unfair to generalise, but I don't have a problem with men in the ladies loos (or ladies in the gents). Perhaps a warning knock on the door as its a very unusual occurrence, obviously because our gender stereotypes are so ingrained. I wish we ALL have unisex toilets then we wouldn't have such divisive arguments.

Nobody aged over 7 who owns a PENIS should be in the ladies loo and I would most definitely say something to a grown man if he was. FFS.

to open a whole new can of worms, what would you do if you met my friend, who was born with a penis which she hates & can't bear to touch? (trans, awaiting surgery) She doesn't have a label round her neck saying she's got a penis and you'd have to be looking at her extremely closely to know she spent her first twenty five years as a man. But she could be jailed in the US for using a female facility.

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 15:01

🤐

MrsKoala · 07/07/2016 15:06

I've only got to page 5 but has anyone mentioned changing rooms at the baths yet? Surely your dc see more there if they go with a parent of the opposite sex.

I couldn't get worked up about either a man in the ladies or a female child seeing a glimpse of penis (not that they would). I've been in many men's loos and I've seen many men in ladies (in my clubbing days this was fairly normal and the only people who pissed me off were those in the cubicles having sex or doing drugs - so bloody selfish while a q formed!). I've often walked into the wrong loos now and don't realise till I'm pissing the hear a man come in Blush

I think they should all be unisex.

Bambambini · 07/07/2016 15:07

What do people mean by unisex loos? Is it single room type, like disabled loos or just big area loos with multuple stalls that both sexes can use?

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 07/07/2016 16:02

I hate unisex toilets (both kinds - single room or big area with multiple stalls).
First, the toilet seat is always left up. Even though I don't sit on it in public toilets, it still feels wrong and dirty.
Then, in my experience, they always smell more than female only toilets. And the drops of urine on the floor.
I don't know why, I feel like I am in men's toilets if they are unisex.

Chipsahoy · 07/07/2016 16:14

And again it is all, stranger danger is rubbish and let's have unisex toilets. What about those of us who have been raped by strangers in toilets? All toilets go unisex and we have to stop going to public toilets?

Just because you are comfortable with it, doesn't mean everyone is.