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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please tell me I'm not the insane one? So fucked off.

334 replies

NopeSorry · 06/07/2016 11:50

I have a newborn and 2 other children. I'm seriously sick to death of my mother's thinking.

I always knew her thinking from a teen, but now I've actually got kids in so pissed off.

My son wanted a dress, he's young. Just a fucking dress, I've brought one for him before, he puts it on and then dumps it 3 hours later anyway, there is not a problem. He used it to walk to swimming, it was so easy as it stopped his skin sticking, his words, but was then bored of it. My mother also told my daughter, when she was 5, she needed to keep a top on at the beach, or bikini top.

I'm just fucked off. My perfect sister with her perfect kids who follow all these wonderful gender stereotypes.

She wanted to take my newest baby swimming when older and take the other kids, I said that if my son chooses to walk there with a dress or my daughter doesn't want to have a top on or whatever the duck else that doesn't matter, happens, you need to follow the way I'm parenting and accept it. She said absolutely not and that "I don't want to look after your kids anyway if they don't follow my rules" I am sooo fucked off. I love her so much, but do have very specific rules that I want to do as a parent, I said she had her chance to raise us how you wanted.

AIBU to think that you follow the parents' choice of parenting?? Or not?? I'm just so fucked off with it. I know it's small, but to say that she'd not want to go to the beach with my daughter if she doesn't have a top on as she's embarrassed or whatever, that's the bit that winds me up as how can you feel that strongly that you don't want to see my kid? And the "I'll have (sisters name here) enough times anyway in the near future".

I'm raging and I know you have a lot of these gender threads, but is it enough to not let her take them out on their own? Of course they can see them when I'm there/dad is there. Because when she makes a comment, I can jump right in and stop it. I'm raging that she cares enough to not want to see them. So pissed off. So fucked off.

OP posts:
firstandmiddle · 09/07/2016 11:54

He's 8.

Wow! that's a bit old to be wanting to wear a dress!
If you'd said he was under 5, then I would have thought bless him, he's still at that dressing up stage. Let him be.

But 8?
Do you want the other boys of that age taking the mick out of him? Which they will. They shouldn't, but they will.

The real world isn't like a walliams novel.

firstandmiddle · 09/07/2016 12:04

Teaching your kids there are different rules in different places is a good skill for you to learn.

This.
I would love to go to work dressed as a chicken, but I can't.

You are setting him up for a life of strife and conflict if you don't teach him that there's a time a place for everything.

BeyondVulvaResistance · 09/07/2016 12:48

If he's 8 and NT, I imagine he is very aware that "boys will take the mick". Perhaps he doesn't give a flying fuck? Grin

firstandmiddle · 09/07/2016 12:59

He must be a very immature 8 if he has so little self awareness as to 'not give a fuck'
If you are unfortunate to have a mother who gets pleasure out of proving a point, then it's good thing to be like that.

firstandmiddle · 09/07/2016 13:02

I feel sorry for him.
Parents are there to guide and steer their children to make good decisions.

If this makes me old fashioned, I don't care.

BeyondVulvaResistance · 09/07/2016 13:09

"If this makes me old fashioned, I don't care."

You must be very immature to have such little self awareness
In your own words Grin

firstandmiddle · 09/07/2016 13:29

Possibly.

However, I'm pleased my parents weren't like that.
If I'd wanted to go walking round town in something that would invite ridicule or wasn't right for the occasion, I'm sure my mother would have gently steered me towards making a better decision.
That's what parents do.
They put their children first, not their sometimes crackpot views.

MissMargie · 09/07/2016 13:29

Some adults are kind and generous , some are grumpy and selfish , kids can accept this and adjust their behaviour appropriately to suit.
Explain to Ds that DgM is as she is and he can decide if he wants to spend time with her or not.
The world won't bow down to your wishes, life lesson for him.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 12/07/2016 07:47

He must be a very immature 8 if he has so little self awareness as to 'not give a fuck'

That's a strange line to come out with... I'm in my 40s and have spent most of my life trying to get the stage where I don't give a fuck what people think. It actually takes quite a lot of self awareness and more importantly, self esteem/worth ime.

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