Please tell me I'm not the insane one? So fucked off.

[NopeSorry]

I have a newborn and 2 other children. I'm seriously sick to death of my mother's thinking.

I always knew her thinking from a teen, but now I've actually got kids in so pissed off.

My son wanted a dress, he's young. Just a fucking dress, I've brought one for him before, he puts it on and then dumps it 3 hours later anyway, there is not a problem. He used it to walk to swimming, it was so easy as it stopped his skin sticking, his words, but was then bored of it. My mother also told my daughter, when she was 5, she needed to keep a top on at the beach, or bikini top.

I'm just fucked off. My perfect sister with her perfect kids who follow all these wonderful gender stereotypes.

She wanted to take my newest baby swimming when older and take the other kids, I said that if my son chooses to walk there with a dress or my daughter doesn't want to have a top on or whatever the duck else that doesn't matter, happens, you need to follow the way I'm parenting and accept it. She said absolutely not and that "I don't want to look after your kids anyway if they don't follow my rules" I am sooo fucked off. I love her so much, but do have very specific rules that I want to do as a parent, I said she had her chance to raise us how you wanted.

AIBU to think that you follow the parents' choice of parenting?? Or not?? I'm just so fucked off with it. I know it's small, but to say that she'd not want to go to the beach with my daughter if she doesn't have a top on as she's embarrassed or whatever, that's the bit that winds me up as how can you feel that strongly that you don't want to see my kid? And the "I'll have (sisters name here) enough times anyway in the near future".

I'm raging and I know you have a lot of these gender threads, but is it enough to not let her take them out on their own? Of course they can see them when I'm there/dad is there. Because when she makes a comment, I can jump right in and stop it. I'm raging that she cares enough to not want to see them. So pissed off. So fucked off.

Sorry, OP, you sound like a pita. I wouldn't look after your children, either. But I'd have no objection to giving a boy a dress if he wanted one. My cousin (now in his fifties) had two elder sisters and always wanted, got and wore dresses like theirs. It did not give him gender issues, and it wasn't a gender issue for him or his family at the time - he just wanted what the girls had. Really, the family just thought his mum was a bit bonkers. I wouldn't ever give a little girl a bikini, but I prefer girls and boys to be covered when they are in public, just as I prefer adults to be covered, too. At home, pre-schoolers can be as naked as they like, they're only babies.

NopeSorry - are you ok? As the Mum of 3 children and a newborn you must be absolutely exhausted now and you seem very stressed

I wonder if part of this is acute stress and it is coming out about one thing but actually if you were at a different stage in life you would be affected less.

I know you're a SAHM and you don't need childcare, but I think possibly you could do with a bit of a rest and maybe it would be good if you could let your Mum take the older 2 swimming so you can have a bit of time to bond with your newborn, or sleep, or even catch up on a bit of housework.

Your Mum's way of parenting is not your way, but I personally would let it go if she had rigid ideas over clothes. It's not harmful in the long run and not dangerous to the children. Give yourself a bit of a break and fight bigger battles.

How old is your ds? The only issue with him wearing a dress Is I'd worry your ds would be seen by someone he knows at school whilst his wearing the dress and bullied for it, kids can be quite cruel. I can't see the problem with your dd not wearing a top, that is ridiculous.

Your anger is disproportionate tbh. It's a few items a clothing ffs. And no I wouldn't take a boy out in a dress either. I don't care what others think about that. I've also never seen a boy in a dress, hewrd a boy ask to wear a dress or boys going for the sparkly dressing up stuff. I swear it's a MN myth sometimes.

I'd put a top on at the beach because I'd be concerned about burning. Mine worse sun suits when they were small. I encourage DS to keep a t shirt on sometimes. If not DD has swimming costumes but I'm not a fan of bikinis on little girls anyway.

I am pregnant at the moment and I am dreading my MIL looking after my little one as she sounds like your Mom OP.

I feel the same as you - they should respect your parenting ways and adhere to them. I do think that my child should eventually respect the rules in their grandparents houses - you know, our house our rules. But the clothes thing - why cant she just let them do what they want?! Its only clothes!

What is Societal Norm these days anyway SprogletsMom?

Exactly a few items of clothing ffs, so why does it matter? I guess most people haven't been faced with a boy who begs to be just like his sister? Why does it matter? He likes a dress. It was easy for swimming. He smiled with his sister as they compared their dresses, it was adorable. He was so happy. My anger is at the fact that kids can't even live a childhood without being unhappy anymore.

I'm fine, maybe my hormones are all over the show, but since having DS2, in even more in love with my kids, I adore them so much. I absolutely love them. I want them to be as happy as anything.

My anger is at the fact that kids can't even live a childhood without being unhappy anymore.

Massively OTT now.

Just roll your eyes and learn to ignore.

I have no problem with boys in dresses and I find bikinis on children ridiculous. That said, you sound like you want a fight with your mum. She has rules, your dsis makes her kids follow them. You seem to want your kids to break the rules your mum set. If the dress for the boy is no big deal for you, surely the boy in shorts for the day with your mum won't be a big deal either?

Your DM has out of date views but why are you so angry?

If you're using her for free childcare then she does have the right to insist on doing some things her way. If you dont like it don't use her for free childcare.

I used to have a bedtime of 9 o'clock for DC but when they stayed over at my mums she would insist on an 8 o'clock bedtime. Mum wanted to take my children to lunch I said, only if you accept my children are vegetarian and dont buy them meat.

There have been occasions when we couldn't agree and just agreed to disagree, missed event, fudged the issue or didn't go around to visit.

What's the big deal?, we dont live in a vacuum where everyone has the same views!

You don't know my son and what makes him happy.

No my sister is an absolute cunt. Don't even go their with the way she's getting her kids to follow my mum's rules.

Also I've already said. It's not free childcare.

2 things

Why as a teen did you tell your mum you wouldn't let her see your kids? Even allowing for teen dramas that seems a bit OTT.

I understand your DS is more comfortable in a dress but how about getting him a kilt - he can wear it after swimming, true Scotsman style if he likes - surely that wouldn't upset your mum.

Look, it's so obvious from your posts that you dislike your DM and hate your sister. The clothing issue is a front for you to have a dispute that you can feel you gain the moral high ground.

If you don't like her accept it. It's a shame if she can't be allowed to have a relationship with her grandchildren. Have a calmer think about what might actually work rather than getting all worked up about something that hasn't even happened ( she hasn't had your son ask for a dress when swimming, it's just a possibility).

Perhaps she would like to have them for tea or somewhere you can both agree.

She has had my son asked for a dress... She has!

I don't hate my mum, I love her. I hate my sister though but that's a whole different story.

It does sound like the whole clothes issue is just scratching the surface and all this anger had deeper causes.

If you DC enjoyed throwing stones at passing cars, would you say they should be allowed to do it because it makes them happy. An enjoyable childhood does not mean unrestricted permission to ignore any rule anyone ever tries to get children to follow.

What is going to happen when they dont want to wear school uniform, are you going to have the same anger towards teachers?

I'm really not sure why you argue with her over things that haven't even happened yet..

You said as a teen you argued over whether she'd be able to see your dc or not and you're doing the same sort of thing now but as an adult.

You've fallen out over something that hasn't even happened as she hasn't taken your dd to the beach yet and kept her top on and she hasn't stopped your ds wearing a dress.

It sounds quite melodramatic tbh. I think you've obviously got some sort of issue with her and this is how it's coming out. You need to work out what the underlying problem is and deal with it.

That's completely different. There shouldn't be rules on what kids can wear, should there? There should be rules about damaging property.

It has happened. That's why I am now so angry about it.

peachpudding throwing stones at passing cars is hugely anti-social, and therefore the OP would be highly irresponsible to let that go.

But she's not asking about that. She's asking about letting her son wear something unconventional.

Ridiculous comparison.

NopeSorry you are definitely not being unreasonable - although you are a little bit too agitated about this .

Tell your DM it's her choice. Either your children are allowed to do what you would let them do, or she doesn't see them. Her loss, really.

Id feel embarrassed taking a boy out wearing a dress too. I know it's not cool to say so on mn.

Agree with the above, I wouldn't let my son wear a dress out in public, that would be embarrassing

Also I'd make a 5yr old girl wear a swimsuit at the beach, or a sun protection suit to prevent skin cancer and burning.

Lots of swimming pools won't even let babies wear swim nappies they have to wear a swimsuit/swim trunks over a swim nappy

If I had a baby girl I wouldn't dress her in boys clothes either

Probably not a cool opinion to have, but I just wouldn't

It was a ridiculous example, that was the point. Some people have rules that are completely ridiculous to us but they still have to be followed. Children are sent home from school all the time for wearing the wrong shoes, hairstyles, clothes etc.

If the mother has a red line about modesty for girls no matter how young they are then you either accept it or dont let her take them to the beach. Some parents actually force their children to wear Burqas so she isn't being that extreme.

OP you sound like a lot of hard work and I feel sorry for your mum. It seems to me you're seeking validation in your "progressive" attitudes and your fury is because rather than getting a pat on the back your mother is looking at you askance for it.

Putting a boy in a dress (whether they have asked to wear it or not) is a massive sartorial "fuck you" to societal norms. However liberal society is these days every single individual you encounter is confused by it and every social interaction you or your son has is coloured by it.

To ask your mother to put up with that level of scrutiny from society just so you can feel good about your liberal values is frankly selfish.

Children need freedom yes. They also need to know that different people have different rules and different opinions. They need to learn to be adaptable and to fit in with their peers and wider society. Give your mum a break, she could teach them what you're obviously not willing to.

What would you say to your son who begged you to wear a dress? What would you say to him when you put in the dress for your DD and he wants one? And you've added a pair of shorts in for DD too? What do you say to that?