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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I'm not the insane one? So fucked off.

334 replies

NopeSorry · 06/07/2016 11:50

I have a newborn and 2 other children. I'm seriously sick to death of my mother's thinking.

I always knew her thinking from a teen, but now I've actually got kids in so pissed off.

My son wanted a dress, he's young. Just a fucking dress, I've brought one for him before, he puts it on and then dumps it 3 hours later anyway, there is not a problem. He used it to walk to swimming, it was so easy as it stopped his skin sticking, his words, but was then bored of it. My mother also told my daughter, when she was 5, she needed to keep a top on at the beach, or bikini top.

I'm just fucked off. My perfect sister with her perfect kids who follow all these wonderful gender stereotypes.

She wanted to take my newest baby swimming when older and take the other kids, I said that if my son chooses to walk there with a dress or my daughter doesn't want to have a top on or whatever the duck else that doesn't matter, happens, you need to follow the way I'm parenting and accept it. She said absolutely not and that "I don't want to look after your kids anyway if they don't follow my rules" I am sooo fucked off. I love her so much, but do have very specific rules that I want to do as a parent, I said she had her chance to raise us how you wanted.

AIBU to think that you follow the parents' choice of parenting?? Or not?? I'm just so fucked off with it. I know it's small, but to say that she'd not want to go to the beach with my daughter if she doesn't have a top on as she's embarrassed or whatever, that's the bit that winds me up as how can you feel that strongly that you don't want to see my kid? And the "I'll have (sisters name here) enough times anyway in the near future".

I'm raging and I know you have a lot of these gender threads, but is it enough to not let her take them out on their own? Of course they can see them when I'm there/dad is there. Because when she makes a comment, I can jump right in and stop it. I'm raging that she cares enough to not want to see them. So pissed off. So fucked off.

OP posts:
coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/07/2016 12:19

We can call up and ask them because I personally don't believe a school would allow a boy to wear a skirt when they can't even have a no1 haircut in most schools or wear the wrong shoes

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/new-school-rules-let-boys-wear-skirts-bngqxz2wb

For those who can't click on the link:

"Eighty state schools, including 40 primaries, have introduced “gender neutral” uniform policies that allow boys to wear skirts and girls to wear trousers.

The schools have either dropped references to girls and boys in their dress codes or have rewritten their uniform policy — in the case of at least one state primary school — to say that pupils as young as five can dress in the uniform in which they feel most comfortable."

GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 12:22

some people here astound me

ther was even a school on the news saying they were gender neutral(cant remember the name now)

saying youve never heard it it must be right then Hmm

as for the poster jessica i think said-theyre with their gran so it must be here rules including sweets and treats

what bollocks-so theyre allowed what they want just coz theyre with gran regardless of diet mums rules?

GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 12:24

thankyou coffee

maybe people will rethink what theyve said now

Psycobabble · 07/07/2016 12:33

I noticed yesterday that a couple of girls in ds class were wearing shorts for school the same as ds wears . I would have loved this when I was a kid I hated the enforced skirt we had to wear right until about year 8 of senior school when rules were relaxed and trousers aloud .

I'm glad this is an option for some kids now

Natsku · 07/07/2016 12:44

School uniform rules are stupid anyway. We don't have school uniforms where I live and the only mention of clothes in the school rules is that hats must be worn outside in winter. Absolutely sure schools here wouldn't have a problem with boys wearing dresses except that they are impractical and that would go for girls too.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/07/2016 12:45

No problem Gabs!

GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 13:03

anything to add now yummy?

2yummymummy2 Thu 07-Jul-16 12:08:41

Mnhq should delete this thread, it's just people lying pointlessly

Schools in the uk have policies they have to stick to

Please don't post things if you can't back them up

Post a copy of the schools policy then with the schools name blacked out because I do not believe a word of it as I'm sure most parents don't

2nds · 07/07/2016 13:10

Girls have an excuse for wearing trousers, they are often warmer, can be more comfy they don't blow up in the wind, and if trousers are thick they can help prevent some nasty cuts.

It's really not the same thing, comparing girls wearing trousers and it being acceptable in society and boys wearing skirts and it not being acceptable to some people, some of you lot obviously haven't a clue what you are on about.

Original poster
NopeSorry · 07/07/2016 13:12

The dress makes it cool for boys, as in cool temp wise. He liked his as it was easy for swimming.

I don't force him to wear a dress how odd, he just enjoys wearing one for a few hours

OP posts:
2nds · 07/07/2016 13:13

But so do shorts nope?

Original poster
NopeSorry · 07/07/2016 13:15

Not as much, no

OP posts:
2nds · 07/07/2016 13:15

Shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt would do exactly the same thing.
Or what about some light short dungarees or does it specifically have to be dresses? Just wondering.

Original poster
NopeSorry · 07/07/2016 13:18

A dress is far less restrictive

OP posts:
coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/07/2016 13:33

It's really not the same thing, comparing girls wearing trousers and it being acceptable in society and boys wearing skirts and it not being acceptable to some people, some of you lot obviously haven't a clue what you are on about.

It's exactly the same. It didn't used to be acceptable for girls to wear trousers, in fact, in the USA they weren't allowed to wear them to school until the 1970s. Then someone decided that was a stupid rule and they changed it. The same thing is now happening with boys and skirts.

I'm sorry, but I really, really can't see the problem. It's just clothes, no-one is going to get hurt or die if a boy wears a skirt are they? Why are some of you so dead set against it?

coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/07/2016 13:35

I don't know why I put that bit in about the USA tbh as girls are still fighting to be allowed to wear trousers to school sometimes in this country. Doh!

MypocketsarelikeNarnia · 07/07/2016 13:39

Yummymummy I worked in a secondary school where a y7 boy expressed a preference for wearing the girls' uniform and was allowed to do just that. I could list the school's name and website but this is t'internet and all so I won't be doing that. And if ds wanted to wear a dress to nursery I would expect the nursery to support that yes. They are allowed to wear their own clothes.

It's not making an ideological point at the expense of our children if our children want to do something and we say 'yes, great, I'll support you'. It is telling them that they are worthy of ridicule if they want to do something and we say 'oh no, people will laugh at you'. I support my kids. If someone laughed at my ds for wearing a dress at the age of 3 I'd be handing them their arse on a plate.

BeyondVulvaResistance · 07/07/2016 14:09

I wonder where yummymummy has gone...?

Perhaps she's working on a super long apology for outright calling me (and others) a liar?

MatrixReloaded · 07/07/2016 14:10

I personally wouldn't take a boy out in a dress. I really can't see the problem with him learning that different people have different rules.

Does he wear a dress to school ?

GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 14:17

and how makes these rules matrix

exactly coffee me included

MatrixReloaded · 07/07/2016 14:29

I'm not interested in who makes what rules or who wears what. It's quite obvious that this isn't really about a dress. The Op said herself that her son isn't really bothered about the dress and takes it off after a short time.

I would rather my children had a lovely time swimming with their grandma than a falling out about a piece of clothing .

Original poster
NopeSorry · 07/07/2016 14:30

Then my son would refuse to go swimming

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 07/07/2016 14:49

why are u making a statment sayiing there a certain rules then if u dont even care

MatrixReloaded · 07/07/2016 14:50

My son would not be given the priveledge at 5 years old, of deciding where he was or was not going.

Clothing and dress up outfits are part of daily battles with young children. Mine can't have been the only ones to have wanted to wear shorts and sandals in winter , or a batman outfit to nursery. Wearing a princess outfit to asda is no big deal , but not ok for another child's birthday party.

If the item of clothing was a chicken outfit or some other type of dress up it would be laughable.

MatrixReloaded · 07/07/2016 14:55

Gabs your comment doesn't even make sense.

HuskyLover1 · 07/07/2016 14:58

If your Mum is babysitting, then her rules apply. Use the time to chill out and not to worry about what's happening with her and the kids. IMO, anyway.