Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask partner to rehome cats?

290 replies

FruitCider · 06/07/2016 07:41

I honestly think this is going to end my relationship.

I have recently been rereferred back to a respiratory consultant after failing all winter to get control of my asthma and having countless oral steroids. I nearly ended up on a respiratory ward in April as my asthma was so severe.

Anyway, I finally got my allergy test results from September 2012 (that was the last time I saw the consultant) and they show I have quite a severe allergy to cats.

I rehomed 2 cats with my partner from a rescue 7 years ago. My respiratory consultant has said the only way to step up my medication now is to move to anti inflammatory injections once a fortnight and she "would be loathed to do that to me whilst I still have cats". She is telling me in no uncertain terms the cats need to go.

I tell this to my partner of NINE YEARS, whom I have a 3.5 yo daughter with, and his reaction? He can't abandon the cats, therefore he wants to seperate and move out with them. He wants me to compromise by agreeing to keep the cats despite the impact on my health. His argument is that I use an electronic cigarette and need to quit that first. I lost my dad 6 months ago to cancer and honestly think I would start smoking again if I didn't use it

Have I gone completely mad? Or is it reasonable for my partner to threaten to seperate with me if I don't keep the cats? I feel absolutely devastated, unloved, and unwanted. I just can't believe he would toss me go one side like this. He is now threatening to leave me and take our daughter with him unless I back down. I will literally have no-one or nothing left if they go.

AIBU to expect my partner to not leave me for the cats?

OP posts:
KittyLaRoux · 06/07/2016 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NeedACleverNN · 06/07/2016 20:57

You've been in hospital twice kali? Is that in your entire asthma related illnesses or just this year?

KittyLaRoux · 06/07/2016 20:58

Agreed Dimplehands poor cats. It sounds like it's perfect timing and he no longer wants to be with you anyway . My DH would never expect me to give up our pets, ever. No matter why. Quit the dreadful ecig and get some willpower re not re starting smoking , I'm an ex smoker. 17 years ago I quit. But if your dp would rather keep the cats and leave you then that's the end , it all seems pretty obvious to me.

FFS the pets could KILL her. Why can't people see how serious asthma is especially when linked to an allergy. People are dumb.
Can you honestly say you would rather your DH die than give up a fucking pet?

Turtlemeter · 06/07/2016 21:00

Nah
Enough with the compromises. Asthma kills. The triggers, whatever they are need to be removed. Your partner needs to realise this or needs to leave with the cats.

kali110 · 06/07/2016 21:00

I've been on clenol and seretide, Im on fostair now.
Unfortunately I have other health problems so my consultant has to be very careful with what she prescribes.

WellErrr · 06/07/2016 21:00

This place is nuts these days.

Of course YANBU OP. Of course any reasonable partner would get rid of the cats.

Why not try posting in relationships?

NeedACleverNN · 06/07/2016 21:01

Why do people keep bringing up the e-cig though?

It is in no way comparable to cat allergy.

My dh's lungs where in terrible condition until he started vaping

If it was that bad the nurse wouldn't be telling him to carry on vaping

kali110 · 06/07/2016 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
FruitCider · 06/07/2016 21:02

And you think I don't Kali? Do you think any consultant would want to prescribe that amount of medication? Your lungs and your heart trump everything else. You can't live without them, you see.

OP posts:
KittyLaRoux · 06/07/2016 21:03

Agreed Well

Anyone who would rather pump themselves full of drugs than get rid of a pet is too stupid to own a pet imo.

OP you don't need to fight against the lunatics on here. Most posters understand and can sympathise. I think you now need to start looking at the relationship and what steps to take.

Original poster
FruitCider · 06/07/2016 21:03

Why not try posting in relationships

I will tomorrow, thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
FruitCider · 06/07/2016 21:06

Thanks Kitty. My heads a shed! At least his dumb ass is at work tomorrow so I can start looking at either rehoming options or somewhere for him to live!

OP posts:
kali110 · 06/07/2016 21:07

I didn't say you did fruit.
I only said i wouldn't as i felt bad that people were saying your dp didn't love you. I simply felt he was in a hard position and that everyone saying he didn't care when that may not be true.

WellErrr · 06/07/2016 21:08

There has been an influx of really persistently nasty posters lately who just keeping going and going on the same threads. Particularly in AIBU and now chat (which always used to be much nicer!). It's sad.

Please don't let it get you down OP. Obviously your health comes before his fondness for his cats. You are his partner and the mother of his child and he's willing to risk your health in this way?
No reasonable person would agree with him.

I'm sorry he's put you in this situation Flowers

kali110 · 06/07/2016 21:08

Kitty being nasty person is a horrible trait to pass onto kids also

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 06/07/2016 21:08

But the fact that your partner loves the cats doesn't mean he doesn't love you as well. Love doesn't have to be a clearly defined hierarchy in that way.

Ffs. I want my life partner to love me more than a cat. I want the father of my child to prioritise my child having a mother over him having a cat. Yes I want to be further up his hierarchy than a fucking cat.

KittyLaRoux · 06/07/2016 21:09

I would probably start looking for a place for him OP.

I am sorry this is how you find out you are low down on the list. It's a shitty way to treat somebody. Flowers

SalemSaberhagen · 06/07/2016 21:10

YABU. Pets should be no more disposable than children, and I assume you wouldn't be rehoming your child

iceroad that's one of the most ridiculous things I've read on here. Cats are no more disposable than children? Of course they are. It's a cat.

LagunaBubbles · 06/07/2016 21:10

I can't believe the people that would put an animal above a fellow humans health. Asthma us dangerous - it can kill. Allergies can change at any point and trigger an asthma attack, which could be the fatal one. Even as an animal lover myself I'm astounded that some people would still risk done one they loves health. Or choose an animal over their loved ones health. That's completely mad.

kali110 · 06/07/2016 21:11

weller yes just look the thread you were on turned out.

WellErrr · 06/07/2016 21:13

Well yes, kali.

Weren't you there too? Case and point.

KittyLaRoux · 06/07/2016 21:13

Kitty being nasty person is a horrible trait to pass onto kids also

At least my children will never worry that the family pet means more to me than they do Grin

"Here you go Tommy take all these tablets and this puffer, yes I know you can't breath but stop being selfish you know mummy would never get rid of tiddles no matter how much of a risk it is to your health" Hmm

Yeah I'm Nasty kali

WellErrr · 06/07/2016 21:13

But yes OP, try Relationships Flowers

kali110 · 06/07/2016 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
FruitCider · 06/07/2016 21:14

Kitty being nasty person is a horrible trait to pass onto kids also

I seriously hope you are not calling me nasty because I'm putting my LIFE above a CAT?

Jesus Christ.

This thread has gone bonkers all of a sudden.

OP posts: