To ask partner to rehome cats?

[FruitCider]

I honestly think this is going to end my relationship.

I have recently been rereferred back to a respiratory consultant after failing all winter to get control of my asthma and having countless oral steroids. I nearly ended up on a respiratory ward in April as my asthma was so severe.

Anyway, I finally got my allergy test results from September 2012 (that was the last time I saw the consultant) and they show I have quite a severe allergy to cats.

I rehomed 2 cats with my partner from a rescue 7 years ago. My respiratory consultant has said the only way to step up my medication now is to move to anti inflammatory injections once a fortnight and she "would be loathed to do that to me whilst I still have cats". She is telling me in no uncertain terms the cats need to go.

I tell this to my partner of NINE YEARS, whom I have a 3.5 yo daughter with, and his reaction? He can't abandon the cats, therefore he wants to seperate and move out with them. He wants me to compromise by agreeing to keep the cats despite the impact on my health. His argument is that I use an electronic cigarette and need to quit that first. I lost my dad 6 months ago to cancer and honestly think I would start smoking again if I didn't use it

Have I gone completely mad? Or is it reasonable for my partner to threaten to seperate with me if I don't keep the cats? I feel absolutely devastated, unloved, and unwanted. I just can't believe he would toss me go one side like this. He is now threatening to leave me and take our daughter with him unless I back down. I will literally have no-one or nothing left if they go.

AIBU to expect my partner to not leave me for the cats?

Vaping and asthma triggered by an allergy are two completly different things.
It affects you the same way a peanut allergy does. It makes your airway and lungs restricted. It inflames them because it's an allergy it is nothing to do with vaping.

If my vaping partner wanted me to give up my cats of seven years because of their asthma, i'd tell them where to go. It's harsh but if you can vape a load of chemicals into your lungs (and I say this as a vaper) then your reasoning becomes less compelling. To my mind.

I told him I'm happy for us both to quit vaping along with rehoming the cats. He rejected this.

Kali I'm not sure I want him at all now to be honest.

I wouldn't. When he chose his cats over you 3 years ago would have been the day I booted him out tbh

From your posts i get it, he's rejected you and picked them . Does he know how strongly you feel about it? ( apologies if you written it and i've missed it).

And i'm sorry if you thought i was judging your decision, i really wasn't.

I really feel for you, OP. Your health is far more important. Get rid of your partner, who sounds incredibly selfish, and rehome the cats as soon as you can. And my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear dad. Very best of luck to you

if you can vape a load of chemicals into your lungs (and I say this as a vaper) then your reasoning becomes less compelling. To my mind.

Not to her Respiratory Consultant's mind! She is severely allergic to cats. That is having a much, much greater effect on her asthma than vaping.

Ah...well if you offered that, it does just sound like an excuse on his part to leave. Sorry OP

Bettydraper, I make my own liquids anyway so know exactly what is in them. With my level of allergy I wouldn't vape anything random!

Is he serious? He either wants to leave anyway and using this as an excuse or be is trying to guilt trip you into stopping using the e cig. But the cats need to go. Asthma is life threatening an he's being a knob either way

Missing the point of the thread but I had no idea that ecigs could still cause asthma problems.

I have only read the first page so far but on that YANBU

My animals would come before any partner sorry. They are one step below my kids in priorities. Esp when that partners excuse is asthma and they bloody smoke! And yes an ecig is almost as bad as normal cigs. He is offering to leave with them so he isn't putting them before your health at all. You don't have to live with the cats, he is quite willing to move out and take them. You just want the best of both worlds and he isn't willing to send them off to a shelter where they would possibly be put down. Either you quit the cig and he gives up the cats or you live separately until one issue or the other resolves. Two viable options. You just don't want either of them and are expecting him to make all the sacrifices here. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the way I'm seeing it.

I'm missing the point too, how do you make your own liquid

Some really odd answers here. I understanding that vaping is harmless to health, unlike smoking, where the smoker is inhaling, tar and other noxious chemicles, two different things! The consultant is happy that this is not affecting her asthma, whereas the cats are!

If the partner wants to be with op, than the cats have to be rehomed, as they contribute to her asthma, which can be fatal! So it is a matter of life and death for op. If he does not want to, then he must leave, simple as that.

Comparing cats to children is stupid, not like with like, op is allergic to cats not her kids ffs!

TBH if you have to split because he won't rehome the cats, you and your DC might be better off moving because de-catting a house is very difficult.

It's going to need a deeper clean than it's ever had. Even shampooing carpets may not be sufficient.

And to those that said keep the cats in the kitchen with a cat flap - that will still not help the OP.

They sadly have to go.

And StarryIllusion - you think asthma is an excuse? You don't appreciate how dangerous an asthma attack can be, then?

Asthma as an excuse. Oh god the stupid on this thread just keep on giving!

I bet your life partner is really happy to be put below hour bloody cats. All these men need to wake up and realise they mean nothing to their feckless partners.
Fancy telling your children that they come from a broken home because mummy valued pets more than their father. It beggars belief it really does.

I am lucky my DP values me and I am top of his list of priorities. Some of you lead such sad lives.

That wasn't a dig at you OP. Just the idiots on here who put animals first.

Your DP is a dick too.

I agree Nanny, it is better for op to move to a pet free home. Yes asthma can be fatal, it's no joke or excuse🤔 Op has make sure that her potential for asthma attack is reduced, so the house has to be cat free. It is not fair on the cats to be confined to a room. The whole house needs to be free of cat hair.

Some people really have to reel it in, some of the answers on here is laughable.

just to say, i'm not saying that the OP's DP is right, he's not..

The OP is absolutely 100% right about the cats needing to go and quickly.

I just wanted to put the view in that others have made, that if he's putting the cats before her, then all is not right with the relationship.

Yes he has, cats above partners health, op time to go your separate ways. He's made his feeling very clear.

StarryIllusion

Sending the cats to a shelter where they would possibly be put down is not the only option. They could consider a no kill shelter or privately rehoming so long as they are responsible and careful to find the right home.