To ask partner to rehome cats?

[FruitCider]

I honestly think this is going to end my relationship.

I have recently been rereferred back to a respiratory consultant after failing all winter to get control of my asthma and having countless oral steroids. I nearly ended up on a respiratory ward in April as my asthma was so severe.

Anyway, I finally got my allergy test results from September 2012 (that was the last time I saw the consultant) and they show I have quite a severe allergy to cats.

I rehomed 2 cats with my partner from a rescue 7 years ago. My respiratory consultant has said the only way to step up my medication now is to move to anti inflammatory injections once a fortnight and she "would be loathed to do that to me whilst I still have cats". She is telling me in no uncertain terms the cats need to go.

I tell this to my partner of NINE YEARS, whom I have a 3.5 yo daughter with, and his reaction? He can't abandon the cats, therefore he wants to seperate and move out with them. He wants me to compromise by agreeing to keep the cats despite the impact on my health. His argument is that I use an electronic cigarette and need to quit that first. I lost my dad 6 months ago to cancer and honestly think I would start smoking again if I didn't use it

Have I gone completely mad? Or is it reasonable for my partner to threaten to seperate with me if I don't keep the cats? I feel absolutely devastated, unloved, and unwanted. I just can't believe he would toss me go one side like this. He is now threatening to leave me and take our daughter with him unless I back down. I will literally have no-one or nothing left if they go.

AIBU to expect my partner to not leave me for the cats?

Aeroflot why should OP move out? The flat is in her name.

OP, I'd be putting DP's stuff in bin bags on the landing with the cats in a carrier. Chaining the door so he couldn't get it. Asking the housing association (?) if I could change the locks. Visiting a solicitor for advice. DP could then choose whether to rehome the cats and come back, or just leave.

Widlin because allergic reactions and the affect they can have on asthma can change at any time. Having asthma yourself Im surprised you didn't know that.

We don't know that ecigs aren't harmful no, but they're 99% better than normal cigs!
There's no need for the op to move out.
Her dp can keep his cats, they all move out together.

starry, if OP had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, would you say she couldn't have a peanut free house until she stopped vaping? What if her DH really, really loved peanut butter? Her specialist Dr has told her the cats are the big problem, not the vaping. Also he refused to rehome the cats even if she does stop vaping.

Yes he can go with the cats, the OP isn't blocking his way. But he also suggested taking her daughter too. And she is upset that he values her below the cats. Maybe that is how you and your partner have agreed to rank your priorities, but most people value their partner above their pets, and would be understandably devastated to find out that their partner felt differently. She isn't refusing him to leave, but she is understandably upset.

I wish people would stop suggesting that the OP can confine the cats to part of the house.
That will not work!.

Cat dander gets everywhere and is very difficult to eliminate even after the cats have been gone for years. Confining them will not stop dander spreading.

Allergies can flare suddenly or appear suddenly. Asthma attacks are very serious.

She cannot be near cats -at all!

The cats ARE going and so is the partner.

I am agog at the people who prioritise their pets over the health of their spouse or long term partner (and I have a much loved dog). I can only surmise they don't love their partners all that much. The animals will be dead in a few years!

You're not going to be lying on your death bed in forty years time with the same faithful dog or cat by your side. Instead you might well be thinking "Christ, I wish Dave/Sandra was here to hold my hand - why the hell did I ever let him/her go? For the sake of a cat who's been dead for thirty odd years?! Madness!"

OP, I hope you get sorted out with your asthma. How awful to have to deal with this from your partner.

Oh right K4, then partner has to move out with his cats.

I am a crazy cat lady so I agree with him lol

Awww both of mine had cat flu, that's why I "fostered" them 7 years ago. I didn't have the heart to send them back.

I honestly think my allergy has got worse over the years. I used to volunteer in a rehoming cattery until 6 years ago!

Honestly? I want to hang draw and quarter him right now. I feel soooo hurt its unreal.

"But he also suggested taking her daughter too."

Their daughter. Unless I've missed something he is the daughters father.

As for the cats, in that situation I'd be upset but recognise they had to go. Actually I'd have recognised that three years ago - and I really love my cats, find them more likeable than a lot of people, am horrified by all the "just cats" comments and do consider taking any pets on as a serious commitment. Still if the health of DH or DS was at risk they'd have to go.