To ask partner to rehome cats?

[FruitCider]

I honestly think this is going to end my relationship.

I have recently been rereferred back to a respiratory consultant after failing all winter to get control of my asthma and having countless oral steroids. I nearly ended up on a respiratory ward in April as my asthma was so severe.

Anyway, I finally got my allergy test results from September 2012 (that was the last time I saw the consultant) and they show I have quite a severe allergy to cats.

I rehomed 2 cats with my partner from a rescue 7 years ago. My respiratory consultant has said the only way to step up my medication now is to move to anti inflammatory injections once a fortnight and she "would be loathed to do that to me whilst I still have cats". She is telling me in no uncertain terms the cats need to go.

I tell this to my partner of NINE YEARS, whom I have a 3.5 yo daughter with, and his reaction? He can't abandon the cats, therefore he wants to seperate and move out with them. He wants me to compromise by agreeing to keep the cats despite the impact on my health. His argument is that I use an electronic cigarette and need to quit that first. I lost my dad 6 months ago to cancer and honestly think I would start smoking again if I didn't use it

Have I gone completely mad? Or is it reasonable for my partner to threaten to seperate with me if I don't keep the cats? I feel absolutely devastated, unloved, and unwanted. I just can't believe he would toss me go one side like this. He is now threatening to leave me and take our daughter with him unless I back down. I will literally have no-one or nothing left if they go.

AIBU to expect my partner to not leave me for the cats?

I will never understand those that put a pet above the life of a human. It's insane!

OP I developed asthma at 33 during pregnancy. Before that I never had a problem. On average I have 4 admissions a year and I dread winter as I know as soon as I get a cold I am going to end up in hospital. It is scary and when you are on your third nebuliser with your children watching and 3 paramedics in your living room you fear this attack will be the last.

People who have no experience or knowledge of asthma have zero idea of how dangerous it is and think popping a few antihistamines and a few puffs of a reliever will sort it

You DP wants out. Sorry. To put cats before his partner and mother of his child is a clear indication.

I have Athsma, cats and a dp that vapes.

First things first, everyone suffers from Athsma differently and different things exacerbate it for different people in my experience. I could sit in a smoky room and be absolutely fine but if the temperature changes my breathing goes down hill dramatically. Similarly cats and vaping have no effect on me, but clearly they do for others.

So anyone saying ohhhh for me vaping doesn't make a difference - good for you, but for someone else it could be one of the worst things they could do.

In ops case - if your Athsma is that bad I would say you should never have got pets in the first place. Any pets. Just as a precaution. But obviously you should have never taken up smoking either.

I think your dh is being slightly unreasonable because the cats are obviously impacting on your health. However, I would be incredibly reluctant to give up my pets too, so I can see why he is unhappy about it.

Do you think he is using this as an excuse to leave? It does sort of seem like that to me..... He is essentially choosing the cats over you.

As a compromise do you have a family member or close friend who could take in the cats? So he can still see them?

Also if your Athsma is that bad I would probably go for the steroid injections anyway regardless of the cats, they can only improve things.

I'm so sorry. My partner has a moderate allergy to cats which makes him uncomfortable but is in no way life threatening. I did without cats for twenty years, having been a lifelong cat lover. Of course this made me a bit sad at times, but there was no contest between that and the health of my human partner. Hes also threatening to prioritise the cats over your daughters stability and happiness which is again, bonkers. And I speak as a certified crazy cat person.

Dd had to rehome (to a lovley mumsnetter) her beloved rats dh had developed such a reaction he was hospitalised before we realised what was causing it.

If a then 6 year old can understand daddy's health comes first and agree to rehome her pets whilst sobbing her heart out a grown man can.

Have you considered a 3 month stay for them at a cattery. Just to see how well things improve. It would be expensive but surely better in the long run.

I have suggested that the cats go to his dad's for a month. He said he doesn't trust his dad to not let them out.

I'm not sure what injections they are, the consultant just said "anti inflammatory injections" and I looked so horrified she prescribed spiriva instead!

Surely whatever the injections are you should be willing to try them if the doctor thinks they will improve your health?

I think YABU to not try something because you don't like the sound of it regardless of any partners or cats.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who would put my life at risk.

Never mind the cat issue I think problems in your relationship run deeper.

Op I feel so sorry for you. People who do not have asthma have absolutely no idea how it feels to just not be able to breather properly. It is literally like someone pulling something tight around your airways, your chest hurts, throat hurts and you just can't catch your breathe. Even when you take your inhaler for some relief it doesn't fully resolve until you remove the thing that is making it trigger. It is not controlled at all, you can die if you continue to put your body through this daily stress. Also the people talking about the ecig, what op is experiencing is an asthmatic ALLERGIC reaction, massive difference. Although the ecig may not be the best thing in the world for asthmatic so is being at a BBQ, that is the sort of thing you can control with inhalers. When you have an allergic reaction it is continuously triggering it because you are in constant contact with the allergy.

Op I feel so sorry for you. People who do not have asthma have absolutely no idea how it feels to just not be able to breather properly. It is literally like someone pulling something tight around your airways, your chest hurts, throat hurts and you just can't catch your breathe. Even when you take your inhaler for some relief it doesn't fully resolve until you remove the thing that is making it trigger. It is not controlled at all, you can die if you continue to put your body through this daily stress. Also the people talking about the ecig, what op is experiencing is an asthmatic ALLERGIC reaction, massive difference. Although the ecig may not be the best thing in the world for asthmatic so is being at a BBQ, that is the sort of thing you can control with inhalers. When you have an allergic reaction it is continuously triggering it because you are in constant contact with the allergy.

This is exactly how it feels. But if it were me and my Athsma was this bad - I would be trying the injections without question.

I agree if it's that bad the cats need to go, but I would personally be taking any medication the doctor would prescribe to try and calm the Athsma down.

It's a horrible horrible horrible feeling.

I absolutely adore my animals as does my DH and DD but if it was making any of us severely ill on a daily basis I would have to rehome, I love them but my DH and DD come first and my DH would react exactly the same. To me it does seem that he is looking for an excuse because I can't imagine that if you loved someone you would put their health at risk over your cat which you can rehome to a loving family.

Ridiculous. Put your healthy first for your child. What if you don't recover again from your next asthma attack? They're fucking animals. They will be fine. If the house is in your names, than rehome the stupid twat too. Your daughter needs you to be alive more than she needs a couple of cats.

milkyface I have suffered my whole life with asthma, on a day to day basis I wouldn't even know that I had it it's so mild BUT the minute i come into contact with something that triggers it, it's hell. If I come into contact with something I'm allergic to (certain breeds of cars and dogs, rabbits) it is unrelievable until I remove myself from the situation, I could not even imagine putting my body through this every day, what a miserable way to live.

As a massive cat lover, who has 2 cats whom I love dearly, I would give them away (to good homes) in a snap if it was effecting my husbands health!

YABU. Pets should be no more disposable than children, and I assume you wouldn't be rehoming your child.

I am absolutely horrified by that comment.
In effect it's saying that it's OK to out the OP's life at risk for the cats.
Even though if said children were actually utting the OP's life at risk (eg they wree older and very violent) it wiould be OK to have SS involved and the children send to boarding school/foster care/whatever is available in order to protect the OP's life.

Asthma KILLS. The consultant has told her in no uncertain terms that the cats ARE the issues and are THE cause of very seriousl helath problem (and it is serious to end in a ward like this).
How someone can say 'well i'll leave if you don't want the cats' is leaving me wo words. He is , in effect, saying that his cats are more important to him than you and your health/life.

I would be very tempted to take him to his words and show him the door.

trying no I agree if it's that bad the cats need to go.

But I would also be trying to manage it with whatever my doctor recommended even if the cats did go.

Op is being unreasonable not wanting to take something that has been recommended to her by a professional because she doesn't like the sound of it.

Her dp is being unreasonable not wanting to re home the cats. However, if he wants to leave with the cats that's his prerogative.

If my Athsma were so bad I thought I was going to have attacks and possibly die, I would not only re home my cats but I would have an injection every day if it meant there was less risk of attacks.

EverythingWillBeFine I couldn't have said that any better!!!

milkyface I agree with what your saying but I think the op is upset that she has to go to these measures because if they were to just rehome the cats she wouldn't have to do this as they are what is causing such a severe asthmatic allergic reaction.

I think YABU to not try something because you don't like the sound of it regardless of any partners or cats.

Are you really thinking that this medication is what will SOLVE the OP's asthma and she will never ill agan ever after?
The injections (every two weeks, would be happy to have some injections every two weeks for the rest of life??), are at best a plaster to put over the issue. It MIGHT calm things down. It might not or it might have very gad side effects. But it won't 'cure' the OP.
On the other side, no cats means solving the CAUSE of the worsening of the symptoms.

And you are choosing the short term, plaster solution that might still put the OP's life in danger

*I think YABU to not try something because you don't like the sound of it regardless of any partners or cats.

Are you really thinking that this medication is what will SOLVE the OP's asthma and she will never ill agan ever after?
The injections (every two weeks, would be happy to have some injections every two weeks for the rest of life??), are at best a plaster to put over the issue. It MIGHT calm things down. It might not or it might have very gad side effects. But it won't 'cure' the OP.
On the other side, no cats means solving the CAUSE of the worsening of the symptoms.

And you are choosing the short term, plaster solution that might still put the OP's life in danger* 

Did you miss the bit where I said if it's that bad then the cats need to go?

If injections would help then er.... Course I would have them!

She is being unreasonable in not having injections at least until the cats are rehomed. Why not try something in the short term until a long term solution can be reached?

I'm not saying injections will cure the op, but it's better to try them than to not isn't it?

I can't believe how casual everyone on this thread is about your health situation. You must get rid of the cats now! This is not optional. Asthma does kill people and you have a severe allergy to cats. The e-cig is a nowhere near as much of an issue. It's better than smoking and when you're addicted that's the sort of compromise you have to make. Any sane and loving partner would agree to rehome immediately. Living with cats really could be life-threatening for you.

It sounds like your partner wants out - if I were you, I'd call his bluff and tell him to bugger off with the cats if that's what he prefers.

trying I would be upset too but in the mean time whilst the cats are still there I would be having the injections.

YABU. Pets should be no more disposable than children, and I assume you wouldn't be rehoming your child.

This from page 1 is one of the most silly comments i've seen. If the cats were making her child ill, would you have had the same response? Should OP put her life (yes, asthma kills) in danger becase of some cats?

You cna rehome cats to nice new home with minimal to zero advers affects for the cats. It isn't quite that straight forward with a human child FFS.

bmcmedicine.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12916-015-0298-3

Show your DP this.

YABU. Pets should be no more disposable than children, and I assume you wouldn't be rehoming your child.

IceRoadDucker, you are a complete twit. You cannot honestly, seriously be comparing rehoming cats to rehoming kids?? Jesus wept.