To ask partner to rehome cats?

[FruitCider]

I honestly think this is going to end my relationship.

I have recently been rereferred back to a respiratory consultant after failing all winter to get control of my asthma and having countless oral steroids. I nearly ended up on a respiratory ward in April as my asthma was so severe.

Anyway, I finally got my allergy test results from September 2012 (that was the last time I saw the consultant) and they show I have quite a severe allergy to cats.

I rehomed 2 cats with my partner from a rescue 7 years ago. My respiratory consultant has said the only way to step up my medication now is to move to anti inflammatory injections once a fortnight and she "would be loathed to do that to me whilst I still have cats". She is telling me in no uncertain terms the cats need to go.

I tell this to my partner of NINE YEARS, whom I have a 3.5 yo daughter with, and his reaction? He can't abandon the cats, therefore he wants to seperate and move out with them. He wants me to compromise by agreeing to keep the cats despite the impact on my health. His argument is that I use an electronic cigarette and need to quit that first. I lost my dad 6 months ago to cancer and honestly think I would start smoking again if I didn't use it

Have I gone completely mad? Or is it reasonable for my partner to threaten to seperate with me if I don't keep the cats? I feel absolutely devastated, unloved, and unwanted. I just can't believe he would toss me go one side like this. He is now threatening to leave me and take our daughter with him unless I back down. I will literally have no-one or nothing left if they go.

AIBU to expect my partner to not leave me for the cats?

milkyface I agree but to me in a logical world after op had that convo with the consultant that evening they should have been enquiring for a home for the cats!! I think it's absolutely insane that op is even in this position. Her health is more important than anything and if it isn't for her DH then he shovel atleast be thinking of his child who will want their DM to be healthy. How can you put your cat before the person your apparently marrying?!?? Op I really hope you don't stay with him, this is a lesson well learnt, you do not come first to him.

Your partner is being totally unreasonable if the cats are seriously injurious to your health they need to go , HOWEVER if you have respiratory issues and are smoking/vaping you need to give your head a wobble too.

I'm sorry, but i don't know the brand names as i live in Sydney (asthma and allergy capital of the world, my allergist told me - largely because of dust mites). I use Pulmicort which is the trade name for budesonide, and may just be what it is called locally. It takes about 6 weeks to start working, but it is extremely effective.

I agree with the person who said see an allergist for desensitising treatment: it doesn't sound as if you are. It made an enormous difference to my allergic reactions

trying yes of course that's how it should have happened, but it didn't.

In an ideal world the cats should be rehomed with a friend or relative, ops Athsma would improve and everyone's happy.

But her dh clearly doesn't want the cats to go, so until they do or he leaves with them (which to be honest I think he will) then she should be taking whatever she can to control it in the short term.

Even if it's just for a week while she decides whether to pack his bags or not.

I have taken on a colleagues beautiful Ragdoll cat as, despite injections and every treatment under the sun for over a year, his wife's asthma was getting worse and worse. They also had a newborn that he was worried about becoming allergic. They were both completely heartbroken to let their two cats go ( I could only take one of them, the other one went to the shelter). It was absolutely the right decision for them as his wife's health has improved enormously. So I have massive sympathy for you, and even though I'm as crazy a cat lady as you can get, I'd absolutely do the same thing if they were making my family ill.

Basically, he loves the cats more than you. I would want to split with him over this.

There is no comprimise to be made here, the cats need to go and if your bf and the cats are a package deal, then he needs to go too. Go and get legal advice asap, he obviously thinks that you won't force the issue but you're a parent and have already spent far too bloody long pissing about with your health. Now is the time to prioritise your daughter, by prioritising the health of her mother.

Even if this dick changed his mind, I doubt you'd ever get past his attitude.

Why don't you swap the e.cigs for nicotine patches if you have asthma?

I do wonder whether the ones saying that children (or any human for that matter ) shouldn't take precedent over a cat actually have anyone of importance in their lives ? I find it bizarre that some people here are putting their cat on the same level as their kids or husband

Look bottom line is both e-cigs and cats need to go. Your dh doesn't sound very nice so he may need to go to.

You absolutely must quit the e-cigs today. Then when the asthma is flaring up, you categorically know it isn't the e-cigs and you have a better case for rehoming the cats.

Sorry op but to me it sounds like your DP neither loves or respects you and is loking for an excuse to go. What if it was your child eith the allergy? Would he sulk and leave then too?

Does he not realise how serious it actually is and could kill you? Can you bloody imagine him if you ended up seriously ill or worse having to explain to you DD that it was because he refused to get rid of the cats as he didn't believe you! What an utter nob.

Also, to those suggesting antihistamine, they may prevent some reactions but not asthma symptoms. Eg.My biggest trigger is dust. I take antihistamine before doing housework or hoovering. That will prevent the sneezing/itchy face and eyes etc but it will not stop my lungs becoming tight or me needing my reliever.

I am allergic to cats and many other things but that does not mean they trigger my asthma. Yet if the weather is too warm and stuffy I can't breathe!
Vaping may not effect op that way and has only helped her deal with the horrible stress she has been under.

Oh and allergies and triggers can change over time. Things like pregnancy can have a massive effect.

*looking

I love animals, I have worked in animal rescue and I have many rescue pets. I am just saying this so people realise I see the other side and understand the commitment of pet ownership but even I think you should rehome the cats. I don't think rehoming a pet is a decision to be taken lightly but this situation is serious and you need to rehome the cats for the sake of your health, especially as it doesn't only affect you, you have a small child who needs you to be healthy. Asthma can be life threatening. An ideal solution would be if the cats could be rehomed with someone you know where your partner could still see them and if you would consider giving up the e-cigarettes if they are also causing a problem. However your partner doesn't seem willing to consider compromise. He should prioritise your health and the fact that he doesn't is a warning sign about the state of the relationship. Please seek legal advice, especially as he is threatening to take your child. He can't just do that. Don't resign yourself to this situation. Don't accept the ultimatum he is giving you, to choose between your child and your health. Fight back!

Can you email the consultant, cc-ing your husband, to confirm in writing that:
-your husband knows you are allergic to the cats
-he knows it's life-threatening
-he has nevertheless threatened to leave home, with your child, if you insist on rehoming the cats
-and that for this reason you will need to take the injections?

Tell him you need this in order to convince the consultant to prescribe them. And hold on to the email and any reply.

Your OH is a complete and twat. How can he possibly think that pets are more important than your health? Would he be refusing to rehome them if it was your daughter's health they were affecting?

I really hope he's got a damn good answer if your daughter ever has to ask him why mummy died. Because I don't think "I loved the cats more than her and thought they were more important than you having both parents" is really going to cut it.

You have huge sympathy from me OP I would be tempted to tell him that if he wants to have two cats instead of a life partner then he can get on with it. Let's see how he gets on with trying to deal with work stress, parenting a child and life in general with support from two creatures that don't talk and can't support him or love him back.

Twat.

A lot of guff on this thread, so getting to the point: your partner doesn't love you. If he did, he would not choose 2 cats over you.

It really is a simple as that. Let him go with the cats, end of relationship. If it wasn't the cats, it would be something or someone else.

Called his bluff this evening and said I would stop vaping today if he agreed to the cats going. Of course, he said no. He says living in a flat is the issue and my allergy would be better if we moved to a house. No way am I having a joint tenancy with him now!

Even if he changes his mind, I think I'm done. He clearly doesn't care about me, this should have been a non issue.

Also, I haven't refused the injections. My consultant said she "would be loathed to give them to me" whilst I still have the cats. I want to rehome the cats to avoid having the injections if possible. But it needs to be cats rehomed - wait 4-6 weeks - reassess asthma NOT live with cats I'm allergic to - continue to increase asthma medication - no improvement as cats are still there.

And now he's rambling on about us getting a mortgage and making an outdoor RUN for the cats.

I just can't take this anymore.

I'm sorry - this must be so hard for you. No, he can't possibly love you if your health means less to him that the cats. And I love my cats - I'm Mad Cat Woman. But my family will always, always be my priority - I always love them more. And that, I think, is how it should be.

Just remember there's no rush - you know where you stand, I think you know what you need to do, just make some plans in your own time. And don't be bullied re your DD - it may end up with shared care and that can work out very well, but there's no way he can just up and leave with her.

But he's got a point, hasn't he? If you were in a house with a garden the cats could live outside in a shed/run and it would remove the problem without rehoming?

HoneyRoar no it wouldn't as if he went in there to feed them the allergens would stick to his clothes and then be brought into the house!

I still think you should stop the e-cig.

And then find a good home for the cats.

That's if she has the money for a mortgage in the first place, then time to house hunt, move, build a cat pen and get sorted.

Months away. Not enough time for the OP who's health requires it to be sooner rather than later

I adore my cat and almost refused a perfect rental property (HA after a decade on the housing list) because of a strict no pet clause. The reality is my kids and our need of.affordable housing had to come first.

cat of course got sneaked to house anyway but you get my point