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Original poster

Bridesmaid has gained weight and can't fit into dress

341 replies

StressedOutB2B · 05/07/2016 16:31

I am getting married in 2 weeks. I have three bridesmaids my sister and two adult friends. All the bridesmaids had a dress fitting 3 months ago thy had a say in their dresses etc and all was fine. The dresses were £260 each I paid obviously.

Today the dresses were delivered and one of the bridesmaids has gained so much weight she can't fit into it and it's cutting her under the arms and won't do up at the back. Straining to do it up she ripped a seam. Ok these things happen but now she wants me to pay for a new dress the other one can't be taken out enough. She's not pregnant in case anyone asks she is a yo yo dieter.

I don't see why I should pay another £260 for her dress she doesn't want to be out of pocket but I think she's being ridiculous and now she's refusing to speak to me and said I'm fat shaming her. I think she should at least offer! Who is BU?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2016 17:44

I agree velvet.

firstandmiddle · 05/07/2016 17:44

I've been invited to a wedding. Will have to see which BM's are wearing corset backs. Hmm

Whocansay · 05/07/2016 17:45

If you can't get it altered, I'd ask her to do a reading instead. I wouldn't be paying another £260. She's the one who ripped it by trying to force it. Her eating disorder is not your responsibility. Frankly, I'd be a bit cross by the emotional blackmail.

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2016 17:47

Again first how would you know the bridesmaids hadn't chosen different backs? I've been a bridesmaid with a different dress to the others-I was the only one not to be able to cope with wearing a strapless bra (bloody boobs)!

CiderwithBuda · 05/07/2016 17:48

I struggle with my weight. Massively. I completely understand how hard it is.

The main issue here is the bridesmaid demanding the OP pays for a completely new dress.

OP - this strikes me as the type f thread the daily fail would love so you might want to think about having it deleted. It really would be horrible if this got into the papers.

DinosaursRoar · 05/07/2016 17:50

I would say see if a dressmaker can salvage it, a corset back or taking a panel from elsewhere, if you have 3 dresses, do any of the others need altering - ie, are any of the other bridesmaids shorter so the dress will have to be turned up or any other have lost weight? Might be possible to nick a strip of material from one of the others, put that in the sides rather than the back and fix it that way?

The corset back might be a sign of the fat bridesmaid, but needs must with 2 weeks to go.

It does sound like the BM is taking it out on you because she's embarrassed, she could well be in denial at the extent she's gained weight but wants to make it all about you being the one in the wrong rather than her fault for not being able to stick to her latest diet. (and be careful, there's a chance in the next 2 weeks she'll change her shape again one way or another)

branofthemist · 05/07/2016 17:51

Why on earth did you get the dresses fitted 3 months ago? That's just silly.

No it's not. Many people have dresses fitted 3 months before and maybe minor alterations a couple weeks before.

So weight-gain is being selfish.

Yes, when it's costs someone else £260, which is what the bridesmaid suggested. But the weight gain isn't really the issue. It's the demands that the OP should foot the bill.

Daffodil90 · 05/07/2016 17:52

One of my bridesmaids gained weight too. She had it altered at her own cost and the bolero I bought them all covered up the changes she made so no one was any the wiser! hahaha my phone just autocorrected wiser to wider!

GarlicStake · 05/07/2016 17:52

Before you panic any more do have a look at this: offbeatbride.com/bridal-fitting-advice/ Was your angry bridesmaid wearing the same undergarments as at the fitting - and have you measured the actual dress? It didn't occur to me that a shop might deliberately make a dress too tight, but it seems it's a thing.

I make clothes sometimes - did my own wedding dress - and am adamant, like the professional seamstresses who've replied, that her dress can be altered to fit.

It'll be fine :)

fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 17:53

Agree with Cider.

They pretty much seem to lift most of the material for their Femail articles from here.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 05/07/2016 17:54

I struggle with my weight but I wouldn't expect a friend to fork out for a new dress because of it. My struggle is nobody's problem but my own.

GarlicStake · 05/07/2016 17:54

If it has 'bodice' seams - long vertical seams shaped to your torso, which this person calls princess seams - you'll have at least three inches to play with.
www.leanna.com/Bridal/BridalQA/TooSmall.shtml

SilverDragonfly1 · 05/07/2016 17:54

If you sack her, don't ask her to be a witness or do a reading. That's just going to draw more attention to the fact she's been demoted, with the guests saying 'Ooh, I thought X was a bridesmaid!' and unintentionally spreading the word to the majority who probably didn't know. If she comes at all- which I doubt- she's unlikely to want some kind of obvious consolation prize.

Chocolateteabag · 05/07/2016 17:55

I was a guest at a wedding where one of the bridesmaids (there were 5) had gained weight and couldn't fit into the dress. She was wearing a completely different dress in the same colour - which too me was far more fat shaming. The original dress could have easily had panels put in under the arms or at least that was the consensus around the wedding...
...you see as well as making her wear a different dress and walk down the aisle, the bride made sure EVERYBODY knew why she was wearing a different dress. Everyone also agreed the bride was a complete bitch for doing that!

Chippednailvarnishing · 05/07/2016 17:57

I bet this appears in the Daily Fail OP...

Goingtobeawesome · 05/07/2016 17:58

When I was getting married it was the only time I've been able to watch what I ate and not put on weight as I was terrified my dress wouldn't fit. Given I now need to lose three stone and nothing is working, does anyone want to give me an incentive? BlushSad.

OP - don't pay another £260. Think about what is most important to you and then go from there.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 17:58

If you sack her

It's not about SACKING her, it's about figuring out whether the lashing out at the OP is symptomatic of not wanting to be a BM any more or not, and offering an alternative

MyCatWasRightAboutYou · 05/07/2016 17:59

Hmm. If it can't be altered or it definitely doesn't fit ask her to try and sell it and then put the money towards a new dress? (Ask her to pay the extra)

LazyJournalistsQuoteMN · 05/07/2016 17:59

Depending on the brand of dress, the seams usually have a little extra, so they can be left out or taken in. A good dressmaker could do it. I would go and see the dressmaker and see how far the dress can be adjusted and if the bm could try to lose a couple of lbs if possible.

Justbeingnosey123 · 05/07/2016 17:59

Would you even be able to get another dress in 2 weeks? Slightly off point but might be a good excuse to use with the bridesmaid. If you explain you can't get another and suggest going to look for a dress maker together? As for who pays well that's your call I probably would for the easy life

CaveMum · 05/07/2016 18:00

If you are buying from a bridal shop the dresses are made to order, hence giving to order 3 months in advance. They are made to a set pattern size and then altered to fit the individual once they've been doivered to the shop.

One if my bridesmaids had big boobs so we had to order her a size 14 despite her waist being a size 10. A dress maker then altered the dress to fit her specific measurements.

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2016 18:01

the bm could try to lose a couple of lbs if possible

That's a high stakes gamble with the wedding only two weeks away. I think it's a much safer plan to get a dressmaker to fix the dress so it fits now.

goadyfuckersgetmygoat · 05/07/2016 18:02

If the dress took three months to arrive or to make, how will you be able to get it within two weeks? Is that possible in the first place, to get within two weeks ?

SilverDragonfly1 · 05/07/2016 18:04

I hear what you're saying Adulting. I think I feel a bit upset on her behalf, having been so intimately involved in the same situation (I was one of the other bridesmaids) and guilty that I didn't stand up for the other girl at the time!

Apologies for the 'sacking' comment. I do stand by the rest though.

KP86 · 05/07/2016 18:07

This happened to me. We ended up finding a dressmaker who could turn the zip back into a corset back, and we contacted the original manufacturer to get the same material to do it.

Same material as you, stretchy chiffon and stretchy satin lining. They used the satin to make the corset.

It made it two sizes bigger than original.