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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid has gained weight and can't fit into dress

341 replies

StressedOutB2B · 05/07/2016 16:31

I am getting married in 2 weeks. I have three bridesmaids my sister and two adult friends. All the bridesmaids had a dress fitting 3 months ago thy had a say in their dresses etc and all was fine. The dresses were £260 each I paid obviously.

Today the dresses were delivered and one of the bridesmaids has gained so much weight she can't fit into it and it's cutting her under the arms and won't do up at the back. Straining to do it up she ripped a seam. Ok these things happen but now she wants me to pay for a new dress the other one can't be taken out enough. She's not pregnant in case anyone asks she is a yo yo dieter.

I don't see why I should pay another £260 for her dress she doesn't want to be out of pocket but I think she's being ridiculous and now she's refusing to speak to me and said I'm fat shaming her. I think she should at least offer! Who is BU?

OP posts:
CarShare · 05/07/2016 17:00

This happened to me with my BM. I paid for the second dress too in the end but it was unfair of her (especially as she chose and ordered the original dress herself, I just paid for it). My htb thought I was mad to let it go but I couldn't face the confrontation.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 05/07/2016 17:01

YANBU at all. But as you say you don't want to fall out over this, I would get a recommendation for a local person who does alterations (I have a good friend who does exactly this sort of thing, she is a miracle worker I think, but then I'm not good with a needle - I think there will be a lot of people around the country who can do such things and the cost won't be huge) - then just suck it up. Make sure the alterations also leave room for further expansion or possible contraction.... Wink

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 17:02

She is BU

But honestly, a good wedding seamstress will get it sorted

I was chatting to mine and she said that the majority of her business was brides who bought dresses SEVERAL sizes too small because they were over optimistic about how much weight they would lose before the big day.. but she said that most actually gained weight not lost (I'm guessing through crash dieting which always seems to leave people fatter than they started out)

And she gets them in their dresses

It might be that the design of the sleves is altered, and then a panel at the back.. it's doable

TallGreenLamp · 05/07/2016 17:02

I bought an expensive dress to wear to a wedding and it was tol tight. The seamstress took some fabric from the underneath layers of the dress and stitched a small panel under each arm so that it wasn't obvious and the zip could still be used. It cost less than a tenner to have that done.

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 05/07/2016 17:02

the ripping the seam won't be such a huge problem if the dress is being altered anyway.

sparechange · 05/07/2016 17:04

You'll be able to get it altered. They'll put a plackard (sp) in, or worst case, make a corset lace up thing in the back
It won't look ideal, so you might have to get a pashmina or shrug for her as well, but it will be a lot cheaper than buying a new dress

AprilSkies44 · 05/07/2016 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ifailed · 05/07/2016 17:07

So she can't be a BM then if its so important they wear matching dresses, I'm sure this wont stop you from getting married.

Friolero · 05/07/2016 17:09

Your BM is being very unreasonable. She should sort this out or stand down.

I agree it can probably be taken out though. The last time I was a bridesmaid I was (unexpectedly!) several months pregnant by the wedding, having not been pregnant when I was measured and the dress ordered. The dress was too tight, so I took it to a seamstress who took the seams out and it fit perfectly, and wasn't at all obvious it had been altered. I didn't dream of expecting the bride to sort this out and pay for it though!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 17:10

The problem is though, yes it is totally fixable even if she's gained A LOT..
..but do you still want her? what sort of support is she going to be on the day if she's so determined to project all her own feelings about her weight gain onto you by calling you a "fat shamer" just because you can't magic up a brand new dress for her as if the weight gain never happened?

SilverDragonfly1 · 05/07/2016 17:11

Could there not be a fourth option of her wearing something she already has that fits, but still being a bridesmaid?

Something very similar happened with a friend years ago- sample dress fitted in the shop but was too small by the time the new ones were delivered. The bride decided to sack the bridesmaid. I wasn't comfortable with it at the time but too shy to say anything. It was actually a horrible thing to do to someone who obviously had underlying issues.

Weddings are about more than colour co-ordinated photos. Sort her out with the same hairstyle as the others and a shawl that will chime in. If she's a good enough friend to be asked to be bridesmaid, she's a good enough friend to be 'forgiven' for having food issues.

ShotsFired · 05/07/2016 17:11

If she went on a very low calorie diet for the next 2 weeks, plus spanx would it fit? Only half joking.

That's what I was going to suggest, fully seriously! Is that doable?

(Yes she is being VVVU)

KC225 · 05/07/2016 17:12

Do not buy another one. What a cheek. She's had one already. It would grate on my day to look at her knowing I had paid 520 quid for her dress.

She should offer to pay, it's not your fault she put on weight. And she should should not be stressing you out like this.

If it cannot be altered, at her expense, then she can step down. It sounds as if there are enough bridesmaids. Get one of the other maids to tell her, she is welcome as a guest but you do not need the added stress or expense at this time.

CiderwithBuda · 05/07/2016 17:12

She is being completely unreasonable. She knew the size of the dress and she put weight on. And I say that as someone who is overweight. She didn't have to lose weight - she just had to stay the same. She should be apologising and offering to sort it not adding extra stress for you.

Anyway - I bought a dress for my wedding that as two sizes too small and of course didn't lose enough weight. A friend took the side seams apart and inserted a panel down each side. Worked well and nobody noticed.

goadyfuckersgetmygoat · 05/07/2016 17:12

Tell her she can't be a bridesmaid anymore. If she wants to she can pay for her own dress. She should learn to eat less. Simple. Smile

carefreeeee · 05/07/2016 17:13

If I were you I'd pay for alterations if it was less than say £50.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 05/07/2016 17:14

Just trying to think outside the box here, did she always seem really onboard to wanting to be bridesmaid? Will you and the other bridesmaids be a lot slimmer than her? Maybe shes been worrying about feeling self conscious and wanted an easy 'out'?

SaveSomeSpendSome · 05/07/2016 17:14

Wow

I cant imagine anyone wanting someone to foot the bill for a dress that no longer fits her.

When your going to a big event and have been measured properly for a dress then you make damn sure that you dont gain weight before the occasion!

goadyfuckersgetmygoat · 05/07/2016 17:14

By the way. Two weeks is enough to lose a bit of weight. Probably the zip will fit then.

GarlicStake · 05/07/2016 17:15

She's probably mortified but covering up by lashing out.

Absolutely!

It can be let out, OP. If the shop claims they can't do it, take it to a "little dressmaker" - dry cleaners have them on tap if you don't know one :)

And take all the bridesmaids for coffee & cake as a make-friends-and-gain-a-pound-what-the-hell gesture!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 17:15

There is another option:

She could be your witness

Your witness doesn't need to be one of your bridesmaids. I've been a non bridesmaid witness before (not because I was too fat for a dress, the bride was on a budget and didn't want a large wedding party, so had 1 BM, 1 grooms man, and 2 other friends as witnesses who were just in their own clothes)

However, if she's going to continue to be shitty with you about something that's not your fault.. would you want her on your wedding cert forever more?

yumyumpoppycat · 05/07/2016 17:18

I agree with the person who thinks she is embarrased and trying to shift the blame. In her position I would be mortified and want to pay, however I think you will have to just pay for alterations unfortunately. Defo refuse to buy another brand new dress though, THAT is totally unreasonable. Also if she wasnt BM she would prob be buying a new dress anyway esp as she has gained weight.

GarlicStake · 05/07/2016 17:19

I just gave my attendants a colour code and let them get on with it. They all looked fabulous.

This isn't meant as a "you should have", by the way, OP! Just pointing out that there are options for any other stressed-out brides to be.

specialsubject · 05/07/2016 17:20

the last thing a yo-yo dieter needs is more disordered eating with a sugar-shake diet.

simplest solution is for her to buy herself a different dress that fits. The UK is full of second-hand bridal and bridesmaid wear which she can buy the day before if necessary for not much cash.

IF the dress really can't be let out.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/07/2016 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.