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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid has gained weight and can't fit into dress

341 replies

StressedOutB2B · 05/07/2016 16:31

I am getting married in 2 weeks. I have three bridesmaids my sister and two adult friends. All the bridesmaids had a dress fitting 3 months ago thy had a say in their dresses etc and all was fine. The dresses were £260 each I paid obviously.

Today the dresses were delivered and one of the bridesmaids has gained so much weight she can't fit into it and it's cutting her under the arms and won't do up at the back. Straining to do it up she ripped a seam. Ok these things happen but now she wants me to pay for a new dress the other one can't be taken out enough. She's not pregnant in case anyone asks she is a yo yo dieter.

I don't see why I should pay another £260 for her dress she doesn't want to be out of pocket but I think she's being ridiculous and now she's refusing to speak to me and said I'm fat shaming her. I think she should at least offer! Who is BU?

OP posts:
Ifailed · 05/07/2016 17:24

The consensus seems to be the BM is a Bad Person, who should have More Control and is Totally Ruining the OPs day.

I am so glad I don't have to go to weddings any more, if this is what they have descended to.

What ever happened to celebrating people joining together in matrimony and having fun?

MollyTwo · 05/07/2016 17:28

What ever happened to celebrating people joining together in matrimony and having fun?

Yes and that's why the BM shouldn't have been so selfish by behaving this way.

marywinchester · 05/07/2016 17:29

I'm a dressmaker and I sort out problems like this every day. I usually make the dress into a corset back though if there is enough fabric that can be taken from elsewhere or if it's an easy to match fabric I will insert this under the arms as it sounds like it might need scooping lower under the arms. Hope you get it sorted out and have a lovely day

diddl · 05/07/2016 17:30

Well I think that she should be sorting it out tbh.

And depending on the cost I might pay.

I mean FFs she ripped the thing!

ExcellentWorkThereMary · 05/07/2016 17:30

Oh I have to say I really feel for the bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid recently and gained half a stone before the wedding (mostly from the hen weekend!) and it was a struggle to do up my dress. I was mortified it took two people to do it up. I can only imagine the humiliation of not being able to be bridesmaid because I'd gained too much weight. Bad enough being the fat bridesmaid in the first place!

I could easily go up two dress sizes in three months, I only have to look at cake to gain pounds! Honestly, I usually gain 7-10lb just on a two week holiday in the summer, and I don't even eat that badly...

That said, what a difficult position for you OP. I wouldn't want to have to pay for another dress either - and as the fat bridesmaid if I'd needed another dress I totally would have offered to pay. Or at least go halves.

Sorry not helpful but for some people it isn't as easy as "they should learn not to eat so much" - there are all sorts of factors involved in weight gain and loss and no one really knows what is going on for someone else. The bridesmaid could be in a really tough place in their life right now :(

WellErrr · 05/07/2016 17:30

Wow, unbelievable.

bakeoffcake · 05/07/2016 17:31

Why on earth did you get the dresses fitted 3 months ago? That's just silly.

Find a dress maker and get it taken out, a good one should be able to do it.

Ifailed · 05/07/2016 17:32

Yes and that's why the BM shouldn't have been so selfish by behaving this way
So weight-gain is being selfish. Shock

AprilSkies44 · 05/07/2016 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 17:33

The consensus seems to be the BM is a Bad Person, who should have More Control and is Totally Ruining the OPs day

The BM isn't a bad person for gaining weight, or ripping the dress
The BM is however BU to lash out at the OP about it

VelvetSpoon · 05/07/2016 17:34

I doubt you will get it altered for £50. When I was a bridesmaid a couple of years ago they charged about £120 for altering the length/ size of my dress. When I was measured the shop told me I was a size 20 (I was a 14-16) and then when it arrived and was 3 sizes too big they had tp take it in. I probably gained half a stone between fitting and wedding which was lucky because the dress was still slightly too big.

Anyway, back to the OP (as a yoyo dieter myself I could gain or lose up to 3 stone in 3-4 months) I expect she is horribly embarrassed. I would be, and disgusted with myself, and probably have phoned you in tears, but people deal with these situations differently and she has clearly decided to go on the defensive. I think I'd find out if it can be altered, or exchanged for a bigger size (if it's not already been altered might the latter be possible?) and if it's over £100 or the only option is an entirely new dress, ask her for a contribution for the cost less the first £50-100 (if that's what you're willing to pay).

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2016 17:34

I can't help thinking that if this were one of my bridesmaids I'd be trying my best to make them feel less awful (that bridesmaid must be mortified).

Surely the best thing to focus on now is to make a plan to sort the dress out as quickly as possible rather than the fact she's put a lot of weight on? Unless you don't like her very much...

MollyTwo · 05/07/2016 17:35

Ifailed - knowing she is BM and had been gaining the weight, don't you think it was selfish of her to not let the op know that this might be a problem. After the op paid for the dress? And then having the cheek to demand that op must pay for it?

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 05/07/2016 17:35

Yes and that's why the BM shouldn't have been so selfish by behaving this way
So weight-gain is being selfish. shock

No, weigh gain is not selfish

Lashing out at others because of it is, telling the OP she's a fat shamer for not buying a brand new dress and pretending like it's not happening, is.

MollyTwo · 05/07/2016 17:35

Xpost with Adulting.

FabFiveFreddie · 05/07/2016 17:40

She should pay for alterations or wear something else that she pays for that works with your scheme. Very irresponsible of her to throw responsibility for this onto you.

Runningupthathill82 · 05/07/2016 17:41

My sister ordered a wedding dress that was far too small for her, and then didn't lose the weight. It must have been four inches off fastening.

Anyway, like lots of pps have said, there was no problem with making it fit her. The seamstress put in a corset back, which looked great. You'd have never known it was originally a zip.

If I were you I'd find a local person who does alterations - round here they seem to be based out of prom dress-type shops? - and charge your BM for the alterations.

The problem though, I think, is that she's understandably embarrassed, and lashing out at you because she feels crap. No way I'd be buying her a new dress!

NotYoda · 05/07/2016 17:41
Biscuit
goadyfuckersgetmygoat · 05/07/2016 17:42

For a yoyo dieter she should have asked for a size up from what she was three months ago.

firstandmiddle · 05/07/2016 17:42

I'm a dressmaker and I sort out problems like this every day. I usually make the dress into a corset back though if there is enough fabric that can be taken from elsewhere or if it's an easy to match fabric

Wouldn't that make her feel even worse - being the only bridesmaid with a corset style back. Nobody wants to be the fat bridesmaid.
Might as well stick a sign on the poor girl saying 'I couldn't fit into my dress so they had to alter it.'

BillSykesDog · 05/07/2016 17:42

Looking at your friendship generally, is this part of a pattern of treating you badly and taking you for granted?

Ripping the dress and just telling you to sort it out of your own pocket and blaming the whole thing on you 'fat shaming' is just horrible. She could at least have offered to go halves on alternations.

Does she always so casually rudely to you?

KurriKurri · 05/07/2016 17:42

I would ring a local dress alterer and explain the problem with the dress - see if they have any suggestions and whether they could do an alteration in the time.

My DD was a bridesmaid recently - the bride paid for all the dresse, but BM's paid for their own alterations (as dress only came in one length and BM's varied in height - it was a very chiffony affair but a local dressmaker said it was no problem to alter and did it in a couple of days)

yumyumpoppycat · 05/07/2016 17:42

No one is saying the BM is ruining the OPs day, people think it is unreasonable that she hasnt even offered to go halves on sorting out the problem and is shifting it all onto the OP.

As a yo yoer I do sympathise and can can gain 10lbs very quickly, also at totm I prob go up a dress size anyway, I think the bridal shop should have left a little wriggle room tbh. Is it possible they mis measured, has the BM def gained weight?

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2016 17:43

Who is going to know all the dresses were the same to start with first?

VelvetSpoon · 05/07/2016 17:43

Unless you have ever really struggled with your weight I think it's difficult to understand how complex the relationship with food can be. It really isn't as simple as 'I know I'm going to be a bm soon, I will stay exactly at this weight'.