Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

Too many to mention, but here goes!

• Never loads the dishwasher, and when he does he loads it like a fuckwit moron so I have to re-load it
• Our second DS is 7 months old, the other day he asked me how to warm up a bottle!
• He asks where everything is, FUCKING LOOK FOR IT!!!
• Asks how long something takes to cook, whilst holding the packet with the instructions on
• Comes in from work, lays on the sofa under a blanket and falls asleep. Snoring. Whilst I'm dealing with both boys. It makes me want to smother him with a child
• Takes items out of the changing bag, like wipes, but doesn't replace them. I had to deal with a poo explosion with normal loo roll when in Morrisons the other day because of this!
• does DISGUSTING farts all the time
• Floordrobe
• Moves the washing basket into the middle of the bedroom as a 'hint', or casually mentions that he is on his emergency pants the ones with a big hole so a bollock nearly pops out!

If I keep going I may convince myself to divorce him!!

My Dh asked me the other day how long something took to cook, I said I couldn't see the packet from where I was standing. It was in his hands 🙄

He can't find anything, I always have to look & find it straight away!
He never folds the laundry
Snoring
Farting
Smoking
He is sick.... All the time, every day. When I say your sick again, he's like no am never sick!!! Fucking man flu

We had two refluxy babies. The second was much worse than the first, I was constantly wiping vomit off something, she even managed to be very, very sick on me in the airport on the way to my own father's funeral. DH's favourite trick was to stand around looking useless while the hot baby sick seeped into my clothes/the sofa/my soul. He also has a problem with me snapping at him. He gets black affronted if I'm not cheerful and calmly spoken at all times as clearly snapping at him means I hate him.

So the time she was violently sick on me, while I sat on our black sofa, after a very long day with her and her two and a half year old brother and I shouted "can you bring me a cloth or a towel" and he responded "what kind, I'll get some hot water and dettol, just a minute" and I told him to fucking bring me any kind of fucking cloth right fucking now was a low point...

Insisting our front door is locked at all times (we live on a quiet road in a respectable area)I wouldnt mind but he goes to bed (and has been known to go out for a walk)without checking our back and side doors and patio doors are shut, never mind locked ( admittedly they all open into the back garden with a locked back gate but even so )

1. Wandering around OUTSIDE the bathroom while he is cleaning his teeth with an electric toothbrush. Buzzing like a giant, mutant, highly irritating fly. Says it is to save time as he brings in his water glass, but he has to go back to the bathroom and then come back to bedroom anyway! Grrrrr.
2. Rearranges the dishwasher immediately he gets back from work. All stuff I have put in during day. Once I put a note in there. 'LEAVE THINGS ALONE!' He says 'Does it bother you then?' I wrote a fucking note for god sake, what do you think? I leave the room . I hear him rearranging plates.....

OMG my OH is exactly like everyone describes!! Like who needs 2 rinse the dishes til later? N puts recycling on the side until the bin is full? (Although it doesn't go in that bin) I only ask him 2 wash the dishes n put the bin out.!!! Takes all damn week may as well do it myself 😠

Breathing........... 😡. Don't even get me started on the rest v

Cried with laughter at hiding the toothbrush... Dh likes to wash dishes, never rinses the soap off and then stacks them on top of previously washed dishes he hasnt emptied out the drainer, wants a medal everytime he cleans the bathroom even tho he has never once lifted anything to clean underneath, also hangs washing wrong, meaning I have to go at the back of him an re-hang, whole point in him doing things is so I can get on with other things clearly doesnt see this point... Bloody pain in my arse!

My god I love this. You have opened the floodgates (light hearted)- using tea towels to wipe up the side then leaving them bundled up everywhere. Leaving the bread out, leaving wet towels on the bed, wearing shorts and t shirt in the morning then leaving the clothes on the side when he's had a shower, leaving worn once clothes on the bed, not putting dirty socks in laundry basket, talking to me while I'm in the middle of watching something but if I talk to him while he's on computer he just grunts at me! Sorry there's loads but I could t stop once I'd started!

Oh and also hangs stuff on top of each other on the airer and hanging big stuff at bottom so I have to do it all again myself.

Not paying attention to what clothes the toddler has and what clothes are appropriate to wear. In fact, all children's clothes (buying, storing, disposing of) seem to be my responsibility.

Once this week he has dressed her in oversized nursery lost property/spare clothing that was in the pile to be returned to the nursery. CLEARLY those aren't her clothes. Today, in July, he dresses her in cable knit wool trousers and long sleeve top. Wtf? It then of course takes 20 mins to persuade toddler into a different set of clothes.

Last week, at 37 weeks pregnant I went on a long uncomfortable hunt for 'tiny baby' size vests, as labour has been threatening, and DD was too small for newborn size at full term, so if baby arrives now he will be tiny. No joy, come home and relay tale of trudging round several shops to DP, tell him that we still need 'tiny baby' size vests; spend time trying to find some on the internet.

He later goes out to pick up last bits for the hospital bag, comes back with 2 packs of newborn size vests. We have a huge bloody drawer full of newborn size vests FFS. Why did he think that I schlepped round 4 shops with no success but miraculously the right thing appears when he makes a cursory foray into M & S?

Also apparently I am immensely unreasonable for pointing these things out.

Sits at the dinning room table at tea time waiting for me to serve him his tea instead of picking up his plate of food in the kitchen and carrying it to the table himself. He has the kids doing it now as well, so I have to make several trips to the kitchen to carry everyone's plates out and then mine (and my glass of wine), so by the time I get to sit down everyone has started. Then someone will ask me for a drink/the sauce/anything that is not already at the table, and look at me expectantly because I'm supposed to go and get it. Because I'm a waitress.

Omg your men actually clean bathrooms and hang out washing! Well jel.
Mine leaves everything near where it's supposed to be: dirty dishes on top of dishwasher, teabags, recycling etc on worktop above bins.
Me: Ftlog will u put your dirty laundry in the damn basket!
Him: what basket? I didn't know we had one.
Me: the one in the corner of the bedroom for the last 5yrs right next to where u leave all your friggin washing.
Him: is that for washing? I thought u just kept your stuff in there
!!!!
Actual conversation. Ffs.

Tip of the iceberg but I haven't the mental strength to even start on the rest

I adooore this thread....

My DH is so overexcitable and keen it's actually pretty cute, but he's ao SHIT at finishing things, keeping himself from getting giddy at new and halfbaked plans, etc etc.
So things like doing the dishes but leaving the sponge bobbing in a sinkful of manky water - urgh, or buttering toast and wandering off leaving the butter out and the mucky knife on the side, or getting distracted halfway through some chore when a new one springs to mind, etc. Oh and he sucks re prioritising. Will get up and play on the ps4 for an hour before work but is still sat in his pants 1 minute before leaving and suddenly has no time for breakfast...
OH YEAH and he puts his dirty laundry on the floor next to the laundry bin. What exactly does that achieve?!
On an angry roll now.....

Every morning DH gets dressed Dumps his pj's on his pillow Every morning I fold pj 's up and put under his pillow (we leave duvet pulled back to air bed so pillows are uncovered all day)
Repeat the following day
.Is it a game?Has he noticed?I have tried telling him and he will remember for a couple of days then revert .
We have been married 34 years .I now laugh rather than scream
To be fair he has very few of the annoying habits described above
Except
Not puttng clean dishes away as ' he doesn't know where they live' The kitchen was done 14 years ago and I do not frequently rearrange it
Not closing cupboards and drawers Why?why?It's almost a reflex action surely

Not rinsing the bathroom sink after shaving /teeth brushing (the en suite is mine alone for this reason ).

Woah.

My DH spent two years at sea, and his super feminist girlfriend before me trained him in.

He uses his laundry basket.
Does his own ironing and laundry.
Loads and empties the dishwasher.
Puts things away in their spot, except the can opener and garlic press, which he leaves on the draining board.
Tidies after himself if he's doing DIY
Does most the hoovering.
Put the bins out.
Does the grocery shop twice a week competently with the lists we compile.
Cooks three easy meals times a week and almost cleans up after himself.

He does snore though. And waggle his foot when watching films. And sometimes he forgets to rinse out the basin in the morning when he's shaved. I've cured him of that by taking photos of the messy basin and emailing them to him at work.

I on the other hand, am chronically messy and untidy, and a mono tasker, but I do all the cleaning,(I'm fussy) and planning, and I make most of the decisions, after discussions of course.

Get yourselves a sailor! You'll soon have things ship shape and in Bristol fashion.

I am the guilty of the floordrobe tbh, but my husband to be has a habit of only taking what he wants out of the washing machine to dry and never takes the rest out, this drives me mad to the point I decided I would see how long it would take him, as it was only his work stuff in the machine, to empty it and hang it out. It sat there for over a week with him only taking out what he needed for work that morning.
I work in a shop and rang home to ask him if there was anything we needed, well I worded it "anything you need?" So he answered no when I got home we had no blue top milk left for our DD and when I asked him about it he said "you only asked what I needed" that really pissed me off.
Oh and not putting the toilet seat down.

Putting the Nutella in the FRIDGE!

My DH is getting worse the older he gets, and he just turned another year older.

The list is endless - camera equipment lying everywhere, loses things, can't find things, doesn't listen to anything I say, can't make a decision, can't turn off lights, can't shut drawers or cupboards, doesn't go to bed, doesn't know what a bin is for, leaves everything on the floor, doesn't pick up after himself, needs reminding a thousand times to do stuff... I could go on and on.

But the thing that enrages me the most is manky used cotton buds for his ear wax! I gutted out the living room last week as with being ill I hadn't been up to it for a while and found 46 of the fecking things stashed down the sofa, and hidden around the room. I literally sat on the floor and cried.

I then called his mother and told her I was sending him back to her for further training. After 12 years I couldn't take any more. She thought I was joking. I was deadly serious!

However, I didn't boot him out but he now gets handed one a day from the hidden box and is supervised putting it in the bin once used.

I was so pissed that I gathered all his crap from around the room and dumped it on his desk in a big pile and temporarily celebrated regaining my living room. Short lived as everything plus more stuff has migrated back.

He's been a star doing most of the laundry, cooking and washing up while I am ill, but I don't think I'll ever hear the end of the "endless list of stuff he has to do"

If I didn't love him so much I'd have cut my losses and run long ago and would still have some sanity intact. He also feeds the owl we're babysitting as the dead chicks gross me out, so he has another redeeming feature.

Why is it they have to be reminded all the time? My dp constantly leaves the shower 'puff' thing on the windowsill in the bathroom where it can go mouldy and make the windowsill mouldy and leaves the shower gel bottle on the windowsill in the sun so it's really hot. This is probably only annoying for me but I ask him not to every day. Oh and if I have to ask him/nag him he says 'oh I'm such a bastard' in a sarcastic voice. And my work colleagues think he's wonderful because he gets dd her breakfast every day and makes her lunch for nursery.

Mine's much tidier and cleaner than me but he will cut cheese sandwiches with the bread knife leaving it all gacky with cheese.

We have two bread knives so I then use the second one while the gacky one rests by the sink. This works until he has cause to make a second cheese sandwich and gacks up the clean knife.

Floordrobe of clean and dirty clothes Infront of the wash basket

Coke cans, bottles, plates left on the floor by the sofa

Cannot for the love of god look at the time and think "oh it's tea time/bathtime/bedtime"

Doesn't shake out washing before hanging it out so its higgedly piggedly

Shoes in the middle of the hallway

Doesn't wash the bath out afterwards and the bath is black (he's an engineer)

Hanging towels on the floor

Putting plates in the washing bowl of cold water with a pan soaking

Sucking his thumb and fiddling with "his cushion corner" while watching various kids programmes and the kids aren't in the room

Shall I keep going??

OH MY GOD!!!!

This whole thread makes me feel SO much better!!! I have a husband with a floordrobe, a phobia of closing cupboards, a 'what? I didn't see the dirty breadboard/hob/table cloth' policy after dinner and a 'why take 2 minutes to leave the house (when we're in a rush) when I can take 15' attitude.

Thank you so much ladies, nice to know I'm not alone!!!

DH, baby and I all have the same cold. He's literally groaning like something from the walking dead. The baby and I are just getting on with things.