Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

Squeezing the toothpaste from the side. Making a squelching sound when eating ice cream that sees me leaving the room before I resort to violence. Leaving all the cupboard doors open like a poltergeist. Obsessively packing enough for a trip to the moon for ONE night camping at the rugby club a mile down the road.....

But then he does almost all the washing up, ensures we never run out of bog roll and doesn't complain that there is a pile of discarded bras next to my side of the sofa

We have a doordrobe. In the kitchen.
Humming incessantly, even when eating or when someone is talking to him.
Singing the same snippet of a song(usually wrong) over and over. And over.

Brought home a colony of ants in a zip tie container.
Uses a towel and will leave it hanging in the bathroom, then get a clean towel next time he has a shower/bath and will put that somewhere else.... Then moans that his "nice towels" are missing the next time.
Floordrobe got complained about enough that he now hangs clothes off the handle for his wardrobe. All of his jeans and t shirts. When asked if dirty, it's only been worn once....
NEVER gets greasy washing up done properly. It always needs redoing (if it has in fact been done at all)
Hates doing anything after work or on weekends as its his "down time"
Sets alarms in the morning that will wake me up, then proceeds to snooze through it for half an hour.
Generally then gets up, hogs the bathroom and then immediately fucks off to work without much more than a "bye"
Leaves products everywhere
Puts his shoes on to go somewhere and then walks into the bathroom and over the bath mat (that he hasn't picked up off the floor and hung over the fucking bath) leaving footprints. Then denies it.

I do love him, but I could fucking kill him some days.

Oh yes once I found a sparrowhawk in the freezer too. Not a ready to eat one either!

You all think you have an issue with the sky planner when they bitch about it having less than 30%? Ours currently is 5% used..95% free... and I am being subjected to the Spanish inquisition FFS. 'When are you going to watch this?' erm..maybe when you stop watching fucking wheeler dealers and top gear during every child free hour so I get a chance to watch something I recorded LAST WEEK? Grrr

Oh also, whenever theres a dirty nappy to be changed 'do you want a cuppa darling? Oh, and can you change the baby while I make the tea?'

shakes fist

1. Walks away from the sink whilst brushing his teeth...leaving the tap running. Gives me the absolute rage.

1. The fairly common 'Can you help me find X'...and X is sitting under his nose.

1. I will give him a 20 minute warning before we need to leave for an event etc, without fail, as soon as I get mine and the kids coats on, he suddenly needs a shit.

1. He says 'more better', I have to grit my teeth.

That's interesting CantChoose. Am going to find an online test and make him do it. He seems ok with people in RL though....

(gulp...courage needed)...

Mine is DW noticing all MY faults but being oblivious to her own.....

@dad54

TBF most of the things in this thread, I am so guilty of myself

Except the two I posted

-Mind I did once purposely go in the bath as I knew baby had done a explodapoo..then mentioned on way up the stairs that he may want to change DS-

So funny
MyDH opens the post then leaves it in a line along the worktop complete with open envelopes, and junk mail!! Why?? how many times do I have to say ditch the junk!

Love all this I thought I was the only one!

most annoying is the "I can't find xx" whatever he needs its all his stuff. socks, wallet, glasses - where did you see it last? usually in front of his nose

Like to add one more to the list -hanging his towel on the door to the bathroom when it is wet and now said door has hardly any paint on - towel rail is RIGHT NEXT TO IT!

never having his door keys..... the list is endless

Asking 'what's for tea?' Then rolling his eyes if it's not to his liking. You cook then!

Putting half a tub of butter on a sandwich.

Using metal spoon on Teflon frying pan.

yy to so many of the above!
I'd like to add putting a ton of sauce on to dinner and then NOT EATING IT ALL. (I have mentioned just chucking 50p in the bin and cutting out the middle man)
And talking...about everything - politics, table tennis tables, electric cars - non-stop, and never about anything really important!

Starting a sentence, pausing, then finishing it in a way that make the meaning opposite to wha he meant, eg: they won't... Hmm.. want to go to the theatre. In his mind he's changed 'they won't' to 'They'll'. So he means 'they'll want to go to the theatre'.

I don't know- I double space the washing too and for the same reason.

Crunching his muesli loudly whilst making unecessary clanking noises with his spoon in the bowl as he mixes the next spoonful together. He knows I don't quite love him as I should when he does it

Perpetualstateofchaos -

WET TOWEL ON THE BED = GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE

Coughing. There's nothing wrong with him, it's just a fucking annoying habit.
Farting in my direction.
Also the having a poo before I have a shower thing.
Annoying pursed lip face if I say something that he thinks is obviously wrong (when I am never wrong, should have learned that by now).
Not listening when I tell him crucial dates etc then apparently I've never told him even when I have it written on calendars, chalkboards, and added it to his icalendar
Otherwise he's pretty good, and I realise I do most of the other things mentioned above, he hates my not completely drunk tea cups

Not my DH exclusively but also others in the vicinity! I hope this counts:

• When DH makes toast the kitchen looks like he's flung the crumbs around the place.
• Leaving car maintenance/tyre replacement etc. to the very last minute so he's barely legal.
• A neighbour who starts mowing his (huge) lawn at 9.30 at night, strimming first, then doing two cuttings which he has to spread out over 3 nights. And he doesn't put the equipment away - it's left out all night to the rain and dew.
• Said neighbour also checks other household's wheelie bins to see if there's room for his own debris.
• Er, that's it for now!

Oh I've thought of another one.

He poos in the en suite. Which is a no no anyway but HE DOES IT WHILE I'M IN BED.

Urgh.

Faffing. It drives me fucking nuts.

He says I take longer than him to get ready which is probably true, but somehow it's always me standing by the door, coat on, keys in hand while he panics his way around the house, finding his pass, taking vitamins, checking windows, shuffling stuff from one bag to another, demanding to know where I have put his keys, etc.

He cannot ever just put shoes on and leave.

Also: waiting till I make myself a drink or a sandwich then asking me to do him one too. And being totally unable to decide what to have for dinner.

Otherwise, he's a pretty decent sort.

I'm back again...

I moved the settee to hoover behind it after far too long and discovered loads of toenail clippings on the carpet

Reality - that's why I never want one!

DH would also like to chat whilst he is on the toilet Urgh