Things DH does that make me want to scream.

[Reality]

LIGHT FUCKING HEARTED

When he hangs the washing on the rotary, he double spaces it 'so it will dry quicker'. It doesn't dry any quicker, it just means you can put less out.

He always uses the smallest possible pan 'to conserve energy' which invariably means the pasta or whatever boils over.

His floordrobe of worn once clothes. Why, for the love of god, why?

When he goes to the shop, he takes the 'exact' change that he guesstimates he'll need. Obviously this means he often comes back with missing items due to not taking enough cash.

He randomly drops to the floor and starts doing press ups or sit ups or planks or whatever his latest exercise thing is.

I love him to ends of the earth and back but bloody hell sometimes he baffles me.

AIBU?

Doing unnecessary things when there are really important things to do.

Leaving for a holiday in two days? Paint the garage wall!

Have to get to a hospital appointment in twenty minutes? Start putting on new cupboard handles.

Also what is the whole going upstairs just as we leave the house to go somewhere that he's known about for hours.
What does he do up their? Quick shit? Last minute wank? Jeeeese

Now XH put a box of maggots in the cupboard under the stairs with his fishing tackle. It rained, he didn't go fishing, next time I opened door 5 million flies went for me! This thread has made me howl, and ThomasRichard, brilliant!

Yes, unnecessary jobs.

Worst one being, our dds 5th birthday party, having it at home, so he 'nips out' to look at a fish tank he's considering buying, this was at 10, doesn't come back until 12.20!!! Party guests been there 20 minutes, and he'd taken dd!! the fucking twat there were still parents there when he got back, so I couldn't call him a twat until later.

This morning he set the alarm for 5.30. No problem, but he left his phone downstairs in the open plan kitchen, and woke everyone up except himself twat

Can never find anything he's looking for. He will put his hands in the drawer say, then mess it up, and declare 'I can't find it'. I appear, and miraculously it appears when I point to it without having to put my hands near the drawer.

He will cook. 'Great' I here everyone cry. No, he will add everything to a recipe to add a twist make it taste shit and never let him near the kitchen again

I'm on a roll now.

At night dh will say "shall we go up?" Then sit on his arse flicking through the the channels whilst I lock up, load dishwasher etc. Then suddenly move just as I've finished and act surprised that I've done everything 😡

I then stomp off telling him he can put dd.s snacks in her bedroom and potty her (she wakes very very early so we leave snacks) then he comes up and acts all forgetful when I ask if he's done it.

She pees the bed if we don't let her have a wee so when he forgot he ended up changing the bed at 3 am 😬

Growcookeat Mine hangs on to stuff in the back of the fridge but when I clear it out I sling all the things that are "bright blue" with mould so he can't argue! It works!

He has never been known to clean or clear the fridge.

I like to have a dvd playing in the kitchen while I'm cooking, if he happens to wander in he'll stand in the middle of the fairly small kitchen and just watch the TV. Get out of the fecking way!

Also when driving, he likes to drive economically, so when we need to slow down he'll just take his foot off the pedal and let the car slow down rather than use the brakes. Two problems with this, one, the brake lights obviously don't go on, so I'm paranoid that whoever's behind won't realise we're slowing down and crash into the back of us. Two, he can never time it right, so we'll end up at a snail's pace long before we actually need to stop. Drives me mad!

He likes to keep his old shoelaces, chews on bits of plastic and picks at the skin on one of his thumbs so it's a bloody mess a lot of the time!

The 101 part jobs he's done that I need to finish. He started cleaning the kitchen but found a tool so started sorting the shed, needed something from inside so started tidying up the living room etc.
The clothes around the laundry bin because he threw them.
The fact he doesn't realise how old he is. The mind wants to play football but the body doesn't, and the days of "suffering" after.
The 30 minute discussion with my brother on how to do it, what they will need and how long it will take. I could have finished before they've started.
😂😂😂

Filling up the dishwasher but not turning it on.

Putting away washing inside out.

Making a salad and somehow covering the worktops and floor in tiny bits of lettuce and seeds from peppers.

Stuffing up the kitchen bins so they are always full and I end up taking out the trash. Apparently it's more Eco-friendly Omfg. Drives me bonkers. Had a full stand up row about it the other week. I'm easy to keep happy. Just empty the bins before they're over-fucking-flowing. I'm so bloody easy to keep happy. Empty the flipping bitchin' bins. Do you hear me??

Yy to finding nothing. I call it 'having a man's look'. I pretend I don't hear any more. He has this habit of shouting for whatever when he can't find it. Grr. One of the kids has inherited this inability. Send help.

Never finishing the washing up properly. Making the 'washing up' in to 4 jobs (sounds important) 'washing drying putting away and cleaning the counters' For the love of god it's just washing up. Just do it ffs.

it's the baby's tea time: I shall mow the lawn

😂 I just laughed and disturbed the baby sleeping next to me.

Leaving empty cartons, crisp packets at his back side. Leaving lights on and doors open. Leaving the tv on when he leaves the room. Forgetting the one item I asked him to get at the shop. His sly hints when he wants me to do something, or going round in circles.

Oh and every morning 'I had a good/bad nights sleep'. I woke a t 1.30am for 39 mins then I woke at 4am, and then I slept from 4.30 to 4.47 and couldn't sleep then it was.... I really really really don't care, it is so yawn. Oh dear god what is this obsession with hours of sleep.

Oh I forgot- he'll use all but half a serving of something and put it back in the cupboard but then complains we've run out. A typical conversation

Him: Do we have any more spread?
Me: Have we run out
Him: Yes
Me: What's in the tub in the fridge?
Him: There's not enough
Me: When did you tell me this?
Him: Oh. So we don't have any more?
Me: If I don't get told you've finished something I can't buy more. I'm not fucking psychic.
Him: So what do I put on my toast?
Me:

Refuse to touch the baby in case he gives her his cold. The same cold that I've had for 3 days and gave to him.

Sneezing really, really loud.

Oh yeah, DH is a terrible passenger. He's actually a really good driver and enjoys driving, but sometimes I want to drive and I often wish I hadn't bothered.

He tries really hard not to, but he exudes judgemental presence from the passenger seat which makes me nervous, then I make stupid mistakes. Which is ridiculous because I've been driving longer than him. It's not just me, he's like it with everyone and I think it's more an anxiety thing than a superiority thing, but fucking hell, it's annoying.

OP you have got us all started!!!

When he tries to talk to me from the other room, when I've got the washing machine on, boiler going next to me and tap running, then gets annoyed when I can't hear him. Leaves the bins for days, and forgets to bring them down when he's passing the bin sheds. When he wants something washed, he leaves it by the sink. Moving stuff around so I can't find them. He has no pause or mute button.

Violetbam, I absolutely howled at your comment!!! 'His fucking soul'!!!

I'm loving this post as I thought everyone else had perfect DP that did the washing up & actually helped out in the house they live in...as I'm reading the PP I'm nodding away with reconstruction to most of it!

Are you all married to my DH?

Leaves cupboards and drawers open whenever he goes - yes to whoever said its like living with a poltergeist
Leaves clothes on the floor everywhere
Never cleans the kitchen entirely, there's always a random thing left on the side
Puts dirty dishes on the side when the dishwasher is empty
Piles washing on top of each other on the airer so it doesn't dry properly
Has never cleaned the bathroom in 5 years

Tantrums that made me laugh out loud as my DH starts hyperventilating when we get close to 50% on our sky planner..

What really gets my goat is when we're both doing jobs in the house or garden and I might be painting for instance and he could be cutting the grass, he always expects me to get involved in his jobs and drop what I'm doing because what he is doing is deemed to be more fucking important!!

Brilliant thread! Has made me laugh, recognise so many of these behaviours (floorderobe I love!). I don't even know what I would pick as my top annoyance - maybe the dishwasher, which he empties by putting the clean things in stacks here and there around the kitchen, mostly in the same area as the dirty things are stacked. Or his refusal to start getting ready when we are going out, in case we keep him waiting. So I dash around getting me and child ready, as we go out the door he saunters into life and finally turns up when we are siting in the car for 10 mins. I got so cross one day I started driving up the road without him. When we go away I take time packing, he throws a few things in a bag. The trip is then punctuated with 'have we got any water/ headache pills/ suncream/ toothpaste etc' and 'I forgot my clean pants/ raincoat/ sunhat' and the itinerary has to be altered to go and find a relevant shop (anyone ever tried to buy y fronts in the middle of the Lake District???).

Rather than use the last bit of loo roll, he will reach out a new one and use that to save having to change the roll.

He uses sooooo much loo paper that it never flushes first time.

When he very rarely cleans the kitchen, there is always something left

In 28 years of knowing him, he has never ever cleaned the bathroom.

He wears the same clothes day after day and I have to remind him he stinks to change

When he throws his dirty clothes in a pile right next to the washing basket! Just why?!?

Just thought of another one!

His idea of tidying up is picking everything up and putting it all in a great big bloody pile somewhere, thus not actually putting anything away. Aaah!!!