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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a deadline for my night out

116 replies

Asuitablemum · 30/06/2016 22:43

My dh was meant to be away this weekend and so I planned to go out tomorrow night for dinner, for my birthday. Booked sitter etc. He is very stressed now about brexit and possible future job uncertainty. As well as some additional normal stresses at work with personnel changes etc. Plus we're a bit tired as dtoddler has been waking up this week. I get up but it disturbs him. So he liked the sound of my night out, can't be arsed to trek for his friend and has cancelled night away. Now coming with me. All lovely and dandy.

Only tonight...'what time will we be back on sat, don't want it to be a late one, will we be back about 10?'. Cue big argument. I just want to go out and enjoy dinner with my friends for my birthday without a deadline.
Maybe everyone will rush off for sitters at 9.30. Or maybe we'll get coffees, sevice will be slow etc and we'll leave at 12. We don't go out that often. (Though we do have a holiday coming up soon).

Apparently this makes me massively unsupportive in one of the 'most difficult weeks of my life'. He needs lots of sleep to cope. He can't leave early as it would look really weird. So annoying plus in the argument he then got all patronising, making out that I'm just in this wonderful children bubble while he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. If you've made it this far Aibu? Should I compromise and agree to book a taxi for 10.30 or something?

OP posts:
justdontevenfuckingstart · 30/06/2016 22:47

As it's stressing him out so much he is free to leave when he wants, as are you. Enjoy your birthday.

rookiemere · 30/06/2016 22:48

YANBU. It's your birthday so you get to pick. I get that he's tired - it's been one heck of a week, but why can't he leave early - just say the babysitter needs to leave by that time.

Akire · 30/06/2016 22:48

Tell him stay at home he can go bed when he likes and you will be home when you ready for a rare night out. Sounds like he may be moaning anyway! It's childish to say you can't have night out Because he worrying over his job ie you don't care. Seriously leave him at home sounds like he would just spoil it. Yes job worries are real but shouldn't spoil a rare treat out

pictish · 30/06/2016 22:52

Why would it look weird if he left early? He wants to turn in, you don't. So he goes while you don't. It's not an issue.

myownprivateidaho · 30/06/2016 22:52

Yanbu at all. He either stays home, goes early, or stays out as late as you like. He may be stressed and of course you should support him, but that shouldn't mean sacrificing a rare night out on your own birthday.

pictish · 30/06/2016 22:54

Basically he can't gatecrash your event then expect to dictate the schedule, no. Dick move as they say.

Original poster
Asuitablemum · 30/06/2016 22:55

Ah thanks. The babysitter needing to leave is a good one. He might like that. Though will probably want us both to use it. I wish he wasn't coming to be honest. Just don't want to be getting looks over the table if I decide to go for a dessert!

We are such different personalities and I just don't ruminate over things like him. I think we just can't understand each other. I say -just think it over, is there anything you can do, if not try to put it to the back of your mind and get on with life. But he just keeps stewing over everything and then makes out I don't care/am slapdash/don't understand. No, I just don't let problems ruin my day to day life for no reason grrrr.

OP posts:
Original poster
Asuitablemum · 30/06/2016 22:57

He also insists that its normal to know what time you will be home and to book a taxi in advance. Does anyone agree with this. He was really convinced it is standard.

don't want to get friends together and then leave early!

OP posts:
RandomName9 · 30/06/2016 22:58

I think I'd ask him to stay home & cancel the sitter (Or say the sitter has cancelled if that's easier) Then he can get some sleep & feel better in time for your holiday! Enjoy your birthday night out X

Original poster
Asuitablemum · 30/06/2016 22:59

Pictish, he said have you ever seen a couple leave at different times. And tbh I couldn't think of a time. But sure no one would care.

OP posts:
Akire · 30/06/2016 23:00

Not normal unless babysitter really needs to go. Like you say may takes ages get seated and eat why should you have cut evening short.

pictish · 30/06/2016 23:00

For some yes, for others no. I don't usually decide when I'm going home in advance. See how it goes and that.

jumpjumpformylove · 30/06/2016 23:01

I'd hate to have a 'deadline' looming over me on a night out. Instead of enjoying a leisurely meal, you'll be clock watching to make sure it's all done & dusted by taxi time.

Besides, it will seem like you're breaking up the party a little if you leave before your friends are ready to.

AuroraBora · 30/06/2016 23:01

It's your birthday, your planned night, you call the shots!

Prebooked taxis are normal if it would be difficult to call one once you're out, otherwise just go with the flow.

pictish · 30/06/2016 23:03

It's not weird at all. He can just be honest. Nice seeing you, had a crap week, off to bed, cheerio. No one will bat an eye. What's he on about?

justdontevenfuckingstart · 30/06/2016 23:03

We have left at different times. We've also decided to attend things separately when we know the other one would have a better time alone or just doesn't want to go.
Is saying I want to go on my own an option? Well it is obviously but could you do that?

Shizzlestix · 30/06/2016 23:03

He's going to ruin it either way. If he stays home, he'll sulk. If he comes and you don't want to leave almost as soon as you arrive, he'll sulk. Don't care how stressed he is, he didn't have to come.

RandomName9 · 30/06/2016 23:03

Sorry X posted! Never booked a taxi in advance, that is not standard as far as I'm aware. How could you possibly know how long it will take you to be served & eat?? I may say to husband I should be home around 11/12ish; Usually I will know if we are just eating or going to a bar or club after. Ask him to stay with kiddies, you'll have more fun X

Jengnr · 30/06/2016 23:04

So what if you've never seen a couple leave at different times before.

(Ps, we do it)

QforCucumber · 30/06/2016 23:05

Dp and I leave places at different times quite often. If I'm tired and he's not - or the other way round we are comfortable enough to go and leave the other to enjoy themselves. Never book a taxi in advance, just call one when needed but we live in a small town where there's no issues gEtting one at short notice

Original poster
Asuitablemum · 30/06/2016 23:08

I don't think he'll sulk over dinner. He will enjoy silting the group. But it is so annoying that he'll be there wanting the night to end early. Even if we agree to compromise. And so selfish that he won't just go early himself grrrrr.

OP posts:
useyourimagination · 30/06/2016 23:10

DH and I often leave at different times - he's far more sociable than I am but sometimes I'm having a better time that he is. Nobody has ever commented on it (at least, not to either of us).

JapaneseSlipper · 30/06/2016 23:11

Christ, he sounds like hard work. Thinks it'd be too weird to leave at separate times? Refuses to do it because he has never seen anyone else do it?

Is he 7 years old?

The pre-booked taxi thing is also in the "not normal" category. FGS.

DoreenLethal · 30/06/2016 23:14

Why did he cance his evening out again? Just because you also decided to go out? Id tell him that if he isnt happy to go with the flow he needs to stay home.

whois · 30/06/2016 23:14

Pre booked taxi isn't normal unless it's something like a wedding in the middle of nowhere.

Couples do leave at different times, more normal when it's an easy journey home and for example one partner wants a big night and the other is really tired. No point both compromising and both being unhappy!