To not want a deadline for my night out

[Asuitablemum]

My dh was meant to be away this weekend and so I planned to go out tomorrow night for dinner, for my birthday. Booked sitter etc. He is very stressed now about brexit and possible future job uncertainty. As well as some additional normal stresses at work with personnel changes etc. Plus we're a bit tired as dtoddler has been waking up this week. I get up but it disturbs him. So he liked the sound of my night out, can't be arsed to trek for his friend and has cancelled night away. Now coming with me. All lovely and dandy.

Only tonight...'what time will we be back on sat, don't want it to be a late one, will we be back about 10?'. Cue big argument. I just want to go out and enjoy dinner with my friends for my birthday without a deadline.
Maybe everyone will rush off for sitters at 9.30. Or maybe we'll get coffees, sevice will be slow etc and we'll leave at 12. We don't go out that often. (Though we do have a holiday coming up soon).

Apparently this makes me massively unsupportive in one of the 'most difficult weeks of my life'. He needs lots of sleep to cope. He can't leave early as it would look really weird. So annoying plus in the argument he then got all patronising, making out that I'm just in this wonderful children bubble while he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. If you've made it this far Aibu? Should I compromise and agree to book a taxi for 10.30 or something?

The dessert thing still really horrifies me. He honestly tries to control what food you choose to eat - what you fuel your own body with? God.

Also telling, as so many have said, that you are thinking in terms of him letting you do stuff. And that he is whining events that are part and parcel of being a decent parent are evidence of you leading a wild social life.

I'm afraid I think you need to have a hard think about how things are with both of you, because you aren't happy, and who could blame you. Maybe counselling, I have no idea. But what a life to lead, being guilted and controlled by Eeyore.

Tell him he'll look like a controlling arsehole to your friends if he turns up and carries on like this. If he's that worried about looking weird to other people, that should do the trick.

It being the birthday is irrelevant. He's a controlling twat who doesn't want the Op to ever leave the house.

Actually sorry I didn't respond but the dessert thing is an abboration. That comment was just referring to the fact that he'd be hurrying to rush off. I have cried at some of the comments here but the eeyore one made me laugh. Thanks for that. ;)

If it wasn't your birthday, I'd say fair enough. But it's your birthday and you want to go out with your friends and it sounds like if he goes you won't enjoy it as much as you should be entitled too because of him. Tell him to stay at home, it's not a couples do, it's friends for your birthday.

Why is it fair enough for a man to dictate to his wife about what she can eat and how long she can be out?

It was the timing of the dessert rather than the dessert itself. He wouldn't want to hang around long enough to eat one.

I really don't think it would be fair enough if it wasn't the OP's birthday. Is she only to be allowed out once a year?

Fair enough? OP booked a baby sitter and made all the arrangements. Now her H is shitting all over her evening and ruining it already.

There is no fair enough.

If he wants an early night he can either leave or not come. He should not be making OP worry about the fact that he will be pissy if she has a dessert and makes them stay a little later.

She should be free to have dessert, coffee and a couple of drinks at the bar if she wants to without any crap.

He's being knob.

DH and I often go home at different times - he's happy to stay out till 3am, I prefer to go home around midnight. It's fine - no-one bats an eyelid!

Tell him NO - he doesn't get to invite himself along at the last minute and then start making demands. It's your birthday. Just because he's had a stressful week he expects you to cave? Aw, diddums. One shit week does not make up for you having to compromise on your birthday celebration with friends. He needs to suck it up.

I think I would be arranging to stay at a friends overnight and turn up home at lunchtime !

There is NOTHING "fair enough" about any of his attitude to your night out, OP. NOTHING.

He's being a complete twat and I agree entirely with Pictish's excellent summary. Especially the general "Fuck off" feeling.

I really can't believe that he's equating you going out to a school thing with a night out with your friends - does he actually want you tied to the house forever except when he's prepared to let you out for a couple of hours?? Jeez.

I'm starting to lean towards controlling twat now.

OP please don't let him ruin you birthday dinner.

I just really hope that Asuitablemum rolled in legless at 3am having had a whale of a time and the DH left to be an arsehole at home good and early.

Me too hassled.

Me and dh spend our leisure time differently. We have a three year old, so I love my nights out with the work
Lot every couple of months. I book a hotel and disappear for the night. Sometimes I'm back at the hotel by 11, sometimes I'm out dancing until 3am. Sometimes I'm sober and other times very drunk. Dh just collects me at lunch next day after a suitable recovery period. No angst about times and being out.

Hope you had a fab time op and dh wasn't a twat.

Agree with everything Pictish said.