Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

[FuckingVipers]

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

Pesto is way too salty for a young baby. Hopefully it only ate a little bit! A few years ago a couple were charged with the manslaughter of their baby, having fed it on cornflakes at a couple of months old it died of salt poisoning. So, probably perfectly reasonable to suggest that there are better weaning foods. But obvs you offended them! Ditch the group, you won't feel comfortable there again.

Not that I agree with early weaning, but the PP's calculations imply that the amount of salt a baby will get from pesto is pretty small: he's not likely to be eating 100g of the stuff after all, maybe just a teaspoonful or 2..?

Without exception ever early weaner ive ever come across has never bothered with just a tea spoon or two perhaps it harps back to the days of the very popular jars and instructions to ignore the tongue reflex to get the food in but the ones ive come across have alway gone full on meals of the baby jar size even if not using a jar

slinky there have been a few over the years. In the area I'm living now there has even been a foster carer convicted (later quashed I believe going from memory) due to sodium poisening.

Since about 2003 they didn't report them as frequently as it was no longer big news.

Oddly quite a large number of care order cases are based around sodium poisening but not under cruelty under neglect which usually means unintentional stupidity instead of an actual attempt to poison (there are also a few intentional ones but not as many)! You can find cases if you go through Bali but obviously we don't report on them because it's family court and it's no longer considered sensational

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Ok

It's perfectly normal, in that it's an opinion expressed perfectly normally. Not necessarily your opinion or mine, but an opinion nonetheless. I'm not sure what you found outlandish enough in the post to lead you to make reference to trolling, is all. I don't suppose this is the first 3 month old to be given a taste of food. Yes, tomato and pesto is rather , but user1465823522 didn't suggest that.

Better off out of that group.

Well...

Yeah.. I just think you're better off not saying stuff. Was the baby really 12 weeks or are you exaggerating a little (based on your screen shot)? Because if 12 weeks, I would side more with you but if 16, I'd say the parent just was a bit ill-advised but not really crazy or stupid. I was the traditional lentil weavery baby led weaning at 6 months myself with dc1 but was medically advised to wean dc2 at 18 weeks due to failure to thrive on medical products... I think I held off until maybe 20 weeks and he had fairly standard foods but what amazes me now is that dc1 is an incredibly poor eater and would survive on an entirely golden diet if he could, with a terrible sweet tooth and dodgy tummy while dc2 eats a huge range of foods, adores green veg and things like feta and spicy lentils, and is much more healthy all around...

I have NO evidence to suggest their weaning has anything to do with it, but I just can't be as judgy as I would have been when dc1 was a baby when I was ADAMANT that every choice I made had to have some sort of scientific evidence base. I think dc3 weaned at 24 weeks onto a mixture of foods. Probably a fair amount of pesto too, salt or not.

Fuck em. If DD enjoys it, go. Tbh you'll probably eventually meet other parents there who aren't total loons. It's shocking that some parents are so ignorant. Poor baby.

Steer clear is my advice OP and find yourself a group of intelligent, reasonable adults to interact with.

Well done for speaking up too. Tinned tom's and pesto at 12 weeks? FFS! Apparently offering common sense in a reasonable tone is 'inflammatory' nowadays.

I've just bought myself a pesto and tomato sandwich.

The weaning aside, I think it's a guided mum knows best policy. Her choice was bonkers! Tomato is an irritant to reflux, my DH was told to be careful of tomato based stuff with his!

I got banned from Babyworld many years ago for being too blunt. I cannot tolerate morons. I have got a bit more controlled with age but it still astounds me, the level of stupidity and neediness you see online. I honestly don't know how some people survive day to day life. Go to the group. Most people will secretly have agreed with you, they'll just be sheep and probably quite admire you. Its easy for people to be brave behind a keyboard, I'm sure it will be ok in RL, and if it's uncomfortable then just make your excuses and don't go again.

She is out of order. You said she wanted opinions. She clearly didn't she wanted everyone to agree with her.

I personally would still gone (though my post is probably too late) I'd just say to everyone, I think your reaction was over the top, XXXX asked for opinions, I have mine.

*I gave mine

Run for the hills. You obviously don't like them and they don't care for you either. If you have a car go to the next closest there's a good chance you'll fit in there. Any where you are not allowed a point of view even one differing from the group is to be avoided at all costs. No one needs that negativity is will get worse nit better.

YANBU.

Even if you make her hesitate for a moment then that is good.

Of course she'll kick off with her huns in public but she might go and do some research.

There was a case of a same age baby dying after being fed Ready Brek because of the salt content - I'd send this link as a last comment as it might save a life.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/1999/jul/28/familyandrelationships.features101

I imagine her baby has been unsettled because he was given an unexpected gut-full of acid and is now frantically trying to process his first "grown-up" poo - babies seem to go from runny mustard to giant lumpy nuggets the moment solids pass their lips (it was a bit of a shock for me with PFB).

I wouldn't speak to the HV I think that's just going to cause you more problems tbh and doubt if anything would be done about it. The baby will be fine, that is a very strange "first food" and imo too early. I wouldn't go to the group and like an earlier post said perhaps "read the room" before answering. Sometimes it is best to keep your opinions to yourself (as I was reminded myself just today!) I'm sure you'll find another baby group and your DC won't be missing out at that age x

YANBU, like ElectronicDischarge said, there's no arguing with Crazy.

Well assuming not every single person went on Facebook, I would go. It is important for you and dd to get out of the house. Mumsy mob mentality grrr.

Tons of research showing risks of weaning pre 4 and a half months. You were doing her a favour giving some accurate info. Do you need these people in your life, however much DC gets out of the group?

Tinned tomatoes?? Really? I hope she can tell the health visitor that!

My husband always says ' don't upset the donkey' (Italian saying). However, now the donkeys are already upset, I'd go back armed with some serious information about the amount of SALT pesto contains and refined cheap vegetable oil rather than good quality olive.

My DD was weaned at 16 weeks. She eats just about everything and is very healthy; in fact something of a foodie.
You know when your child is ready for solids; you don't need a textbook to tell you.
I bet pesto kid isn't going to grow up eating only processed nuggets and other shite.