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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

294 replies

FuckingVipers · 30/06/2016 08:09

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.

WIBU? WWYD?

OP posts:
Bringmevino · 01/07/2016 18:36

My crazy sis in law started weaning her baby at 3 months, went straight for oranges, and bragged about how great her PFB was at taking all this food and was clearly hungry because she was sucking her hand......clearly not normal for a baby. She was clearly pried of her special advanced baby and my in laws couldn't say enough great things about wonder baby, she's now created a Facebook group/message thing all about her PFB. My second is 6 or so months older, doesn't get a look in and doesn't get a bit when the in laws are in the area. I'm obviously not bitter! But OP, in with you. However to quote a genius "stupid is as stupid does" and I would waste no more time or thought on a group of people that are just dumb and vicious. And who write such shit awful messages!!!! Hun x

SylvieB74 · 01/07/2016 18:40

Well she shouldn't ask people's opinions if she doesn't want telling. I wouldn't go back to the group, just because it's full of childish idiots in a clique.

Bringmevino · 01/07/2016 18:44

Ps sis in law was also massively confused by the state of poor baby's bowels, either so blocked up she may have exploded or so runny she was permanently in the bath!

glummum · 01/07/2016 18:45

I think I'd avoid anyone who calls me hun.

eiledon · 01/07/2016 18:52

why would anyone think tinned tomatoes and pesto is suitable for a 12 week old baby? go to the group and never let them think that you're one bit bothered by them. they should grow up and not ask for advice if they aren't prepared to listen to it without throwing the head up.

swg1 · 01/07/2016 18:58

Just for the record, the latest research is saying early weaning might be good for allergies after all. Look up the EAT study for details.

Latentprint · 01/07/2016 19:04

It's sad to think that grown women will freeze another woman out.
Everybody makes mistakes and says the wrong thing sometimes.
But to freeze someone out is Bullying. Plain and simple.

DeathpunchDoris · 01/07/2016 19:10

Walk away. Go and find another group to spend time with and have fun. Life is way too short and they sound a bit up their own arse to be honest - tinned tomatoes and pesto for a baby? Really? Leave 'em to it

Enjoyingthepeace · 01/07/2016 19:22

I vekieve you have massively exaggerated.

On page 6 you post a screen shot of the conversation. Can't say I agree with the content but for some reason you don't include the bit where they tell you to get lost. Why? I suspect it didn't happen.

Maireadplastic · 01/07/2016 19:26

To me it sounds like you were already the outsider, this was an opportunity for you to be ganged up upon.
Some advice- you are going to be in situations like this over and over again. If you feel like the child will come to harm, take the person in question to one side- not in public and not in a forum- and say 'I did that once, but I was horrified to be told it was full of salt...' or whatever the problem is. Only do this if it is a serious issue otherwise leave it.

Notmuchtosay1 · 01/07/2016 19:26

My oldest (age 15 now) was weaned at 12 weeks. On the advice of my health visitor at the time. So I wouldn't say anything much about 12 weeks. But I fed him baby rice (mixed with breast milk) banana or pear. Tomatoes seems a very odd choice. I would probably said something too, but I'm good and telling people what I think and regretting it!
It's funny how weaning advice changes as my 7 year was weaned around 6 months on the advice of health visitor. The older child is the better eater now. But the as babies the youngest weaned at 6 months was the better eater.

swelchphr · 01/07/2016 19:41

When I was a new mom with my first, I posted questions because I legitimately wanted to know (since I didn't have prior experience). I've found that that's not always the case with other people though, and even when you respond nicely, and they only want reassurance that other people agree with them. As far as going back to group, you should do whatever you want to do. I'm a bit more timid, so in my case I'd just find a new group. I agree with PP that I wouldn't want to be friends with those kind of nasty people anyway.

Lottielou7 · 01/07/2016 19:47

Pesto and tomatoes?! I'm not surprised he was unsettled! I think if she doesn't want to hear other people's opinions then surely it's best not to post on a FB group unless the only response she'll accept is one she wants to hear.

If I were you I would find another baby group.

Lottielou7 · 01/07/2016 19:47

If, not unless

bunnyfuller · 01/07/2016 19:48

Facebook. End of. I left it 5 months ago because I didn't like what it was doing to me and other people. Now my friends are actually friends, not just people who choose to comment/argue/be two faced shit stirring bitches. It feels weird for a few days but the. Is glooooorious. PATA when I want to sell some old kids stuff but that's navigated easily enough. Online seems to make it easy to be a twat.

bunnyfuller · 01/07/2016 19:50

You also lose the ability to use internet abbreviations. PITA

JoanneNewton · 01/07/2016 19:51

Oh my, that poor baby! When i was a first time mum i didn't ask any questions unless it was my parents or husbands parents, they been through it all. Posting on fb is asking for trouble, only this time poor you got it in the neck :(

ghostspirit · 01/07/2016 19:59

weaning at 6 months is a recommendation not a rule. some who have older children would have been told to wean at 3 months. people with younger children now would have been told to do it at 6 months weather 3 months or 6 all our kids are fine they did not grow another head or anything.

but if i choose to wean my baby early i would keep it as basic as possible ie baby rice. does not mean im right just what i would do for my child.

op how many people in the group does seem odd that no one stood up for you or agreed. would have thought it would be a mix. some people just agree to stay in with the group wich is pretty sad. probably better of out of there.

Mummylamode · 01/07/2016 20:08

YWNU and are these the type of idiots you want to be friends with? Why numpty feeds their baby tinned tomatoes and pesto?! Confused

Lovingit81 · 01/07/2016 20:23

YANBU! At the end of the day she asked for opinions and you gave it. Why is your opinion not as important as the others? I totally agree with you, pesto and tomatoes for a three month old??Seriously? Of course every mum knows their baby but at the end of the day clinical advice is there for a reason, because research has been done on what's best for babies. However of course there are exceptions to the rule as life is not black and white. They sound horrible people. I would probably go to the group to make a point that I won't be bullied but that's me. Depends if they are going to upset you. Why are women so horrible sometimes. Another reason why FB sucks. Rest assured YANBU!

Mycraneisfixed · 01/07/2016 20:27

Join another group and avoid this one like the plague! You'll always be the outsider. Maybe start your own playgroup? It's not hard and most churches will let you use their hall free of charge.

Czerny88 · 01/07/2016 20:28

"Hun" as in "Attila the", presumably?

awesomeness · 01/07/2016 20:30

tbf I think it's more about their reaction, end of the day, she prob ill advised and yeah feeding a young baby tomatoes and pesto coz it 'looked hungry' is well, not great and I don't think YWBU as she DID ask for opinions (she just didn't like yours) and I don't think she intended to use any of the opinions she probably just wanted clarification that what she had done was right and wanted reassurance from other mothers and asked in the guise of wanting opinions

but the fact they feel the need to tell
you that you can't attend again, I wonder how many other parents they've done it too. I wouldnt go again, but I hate confrontation, but I would mention to the organisers that you've been told not to attend again, don't necessarily need to give full details, just say there was a difference of opinion and you've been told not to attend

and then I'd find a new group to attend :)

BiddyJ · 01/07/2016 20:33

Sounds like little girls playing at being mummy with their dolls?! Having had to race my friends baby to hospital on the early hours due to food reactions. His first? His mum had eaten tomato soup earlier in the day at work, and kissed him! His next, similar but with fish! We live remotely so waiting on an ambulance wasn't an option when a small baby is swelling. My sister also used to have serious reactions as a child to tomatoes, she's lucky she didn't end up in A&E. I have no words. Mums groups are majoritively clichés, I took my kids a few times but I don't do clichés so no thanks. I raised my boys not to run with the sheep.

PizzaFlavouredCupcake · 01/07/2016 20:36

YANBU. Honestly, you were only trying to help, and she did ask if she did the right thing. Just go and make it clear you aren't impressed