Fuming at SIL!!!!!!

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Omg I'm so angry right now so I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting.

I have one DB, he has his shit moments but on the whole we are extremely close, our DC all go to the same school/nursery and he is a part time SAHD and I'm a SAHM so we see each other quite abit especially as my DD and his youngest are in the same class.

Their eldest DS is 10, since he was born I have provided endless childcare which practically doubled when their DD was then born. I'm talking atleast once a week but normally more and half terms, summer holidays can be days on end, when they go on weekends away etc etc you get the picture. Don't get me wrong I love seeing them BUT I also am a strong believer in helping out family where you can and childcare is something that they've always needed help with and something i can do.

I hardly ever need childcare for my own DD, maybe once every 3months for a couple hours here or there and sometimes I'll just ask my DP or MIL so it's literally virtually ever that I ask DB and SIL. I have an interview tomorrow which I am so excited about I can't even explain, it's for one day a week doing what i love.... Now the bit I'm fuming about, I asked DB to look after DD for me but the issue is he will be getting home 10mins after I would need to leave his house, I asked if SIL will be at home as I know she has been WFH lately and he said she may be and will let me know. He has text me tonight informing me that SIL isn't sure how busy she will be and will let me know in the morning we are talking about literally 10MINUTES after all the childcare I have provided to them and she is making a fuss over 10MINUTES??? Am I in loony vill? Or AIBU and totally missing something here??

OP It's disappointing that your sil couldn't facilitate and very annoying when you have done so much for them.
Hold your whist though and don't react. You might need them when you get the job .
Say nothing but gradually be less accomodating.

I would love to hear SILs side to this.

I know that working from home doesn't mean you are available to look after other people's kids at the drop of a hat but that's not the point here. OP has offered years of free childcare at the drop of a hat for not much in return and when she really needs help, they're hemming and hawing. Fine, but they can expect less help in future themselves. That would really annoy me too OP.

But they did not really hemm and haw mimi They offered her a very viable solution whereby her brother would mind her Dd, which she refused and she never told them it was for a job interview which is probably why they were pretty casual about reshuffling everything once she refused their babysitting offer.

So how did the interview go?

Have you responded to your brother yet OP?

Surely the child could be sat in front of tv for ten mins if she was that busy, wouldn't be the end of the world would it? Hate it when people are happy to take but not do favours.

OP, to appease all the stroppy Mumsnetters on here could you please replace your DD's crisps with a packet of Pom Bears?
Thank you so much.

Hey everyone, so thought I'd give an update, my interview went amazing and hopefully I get the job...

To clear a few things up, the people bashing me for allowing my DM to take the afternoon off to help me out, seriously, I never asked my DM to do this, my DM knew the entire situation and actually was upset herself witnessing the amount of time I have given to helping them both out that SIL couldn't just give me 10minutes, my point is and will continue to be that she DOES have the sort of job where she can step away, fgs after the 10mins they would have also had my DN there!! It's not like she needed a child free zone that day otherwise they wouldn't have been taking my DN back there... Anyway back to my point, my DM wanted to do this for me because I NEVER ask for help and it didn't put her out, she just went into work in the morning instead of the afternoon(was working half day)...

My DB actually texted me later that day and asked when I would be bringing DD round to him and I explained that I had sorted alternative childcare with DM, he was upset, he wanted to help me and felt bad about the situation. I haven't actually said anything about the fact that SIL upset me BUT as I said previously I won't be doing anymore childcare to aid SIL but will do for my DB, people may think this is wrong and petty but I still feel extremely upset and taken advantage of by her, ie; 2 weeks ago school was closed due to problems with the plumbing for the day, she needed to work at home all day (my DB was away for work) so I had both my nephew and niece from 8:30 in the morning with my own DD until 7:00 including taking my nephew to his normal after school activity.

For people asking what about my own DH, if you would have read the pposts me and DB only realised we had our wires crossed Wednesday afternoon (day before) and my DH was away for work already.

Binkermum29 this has to be the BEST post on this thread

ginger1976 THIS!!!!!

How would your dn be there in that 10 minuted op if your brother was collecting her from nursery.
I originally felt Yanbu but your brother offered you a solutuon.
Hopefully you will get the job and therefore will be able to scale back the unrecriprocated support you give them both.

you dont need to explain why your mum helped you out op, anywhere else except in mumsnetland a mum helping out is an everyday event and quite normal in families where help is available...

anyway, I think your right, you've seen your SIL in a new light, dont be so helpful to her the next time

and good luck with your job

Also having a child or 2 children there with another adult is different than wfh on your own.

Highlandfling80 Because my DD would be there for 10mins waiting for DB to get back with DN so therefore 10mins later she will be there with DN

ssd thanks for that. It really bothered me and felt I had to explain but actually your totally right

even if your SIL had had to struggle for ten minutes (!) could she not have just managed that? christ!!

I'd be letting them know how you feel op, why suffer in silence, they deserve to know

ssd I know, I know. The thing is though, and I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I truly do love her like a sister, she's been with my DB since I was little (they are both quite a bit older than me) but lately in the last 6months or so I have been feeling a bit like "the help" to her instead of family, I've tried to say something, I truthfully don't actually think she knows how selfish she has become but I feel like one more "chat" and our relationship will never be the same and im not quite ready for the after effect of that.

Glad it went well op! Your sil has certainly shot her self in the foot!

My pleasure OP.
I thought you deserve a smile!

Yep unfortunately there's another person to cross of my list of people I can depend on, sad but true.

Glad it went well Op!

FWIW OP, and I know I am late commenting, but you were absolutely right to be pissed off. I truly hope the job is yours and you stick two fingers up to free child care in the future.

Fingers crossed for the new career!

Wonder if your DN school is shut on Tuesday due to the strikes, hope your DB is around to look after him if it is!!!

Yes she's been selfish. If there was something important on at work that day which meant she couldn't there would have been an apologetic text of how if it were any other day etc . Yes I've worked from home too for 10 mins you can cope!

Yanbu. If they don't help you...
You take a step back.

How will you manage child care if you get the job? You will need to make sure your arrangements are reliable and have a back up plan if they fall through. Good luck with the interview.