Fuming at SIL!!!!!!

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Omg I'm so angry right now so I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting.

I have one DB, he has his shit moments but on the whole we are extremely close, our DC all go to the same school/nursery and he is a part time SAHD and I'm a SAHM so we see each other quite abit especially as my DD and his youngest are in the same class.

Their eldest DS is 10, since he was born I have provided endless childcare which practically doubled when their DD was then born. I'm talking atleast once a week but normally more and half terms, summer holidays can be days on end, when they go on weekends away etc etc you get the picture. Don't get me wrong I love seeing them BUT I also am a strong believer in helping out family where you can and childcare is something that they've always needed help with and something i can do.

I hardly ever need childcare for my own DD, maybe once every 3months for a couple hours here or there and sometimes I'll just ask my DP or MIL so it's literally virtually ever that I ask DB and SIL. I have an interview tomorrow which I am so excited about I can't even explain, it's for one day a week doing what i love.... Now the bit I'm fuming about, I asked DB to look after DD for me but the issue is he will be getting home 10mins after I would need to leave his house, I asked if SIL will be at home as I know she has been WFH lately and he said she may be and will let me know. He has text me tonight informing me that SIL isn't sure how busy she will be and will let me know in the morning we are talking about literally 10MINUTES after all the childcare I have provided to them and she is making a fuss over 10MINUTES??? Am I in loony vill? Or AIBU and totally missing something here??

Blame your DB not the SIL

I'd be inclined to send a message along the lines of 'don't be s knobber I'll drop her @Xxpm. It's ten mins. The amount of child care I do for you - you cheeky sods!"

Keep it jokey. If you go in a huff and ignore (which I wouldn't blame you) it's just going to cause agro and resentment.

The sil is to blame here too. The BIL isn't in the house. This is obviously sil.

Can you set off on time and your DB meet you half way or there ?

I'd be annoyed too but she might have a call she needs to be on.

RuggerHug DD isn't at nursery on a Thursday but their DD is, that's where he's going; to pick her up.

I actually think that my SIL is to blame BUT I think people are openly only that selfish when they've consistently been allowed to get away with it, that I blame my DB for. She obviously doesn't feel she has anything to be grateful for and to pay forward with a favour.

Who will be looking after your brother's children until he gets in then?Are they expecting you to do it?

I'd be inclined to tell them that you won't be able to pick up their children from school (or whatever) because you'll be too busy sorting childcare for your own child.

Drop her there before he leaves so he can take her with him to collect his DC.

I'd be so pissed off and I'd say something to your SIL. I wouldn't be doing anymore babysitting either.

Even with working from home we are talking about 10 minutes keeping watch on a 3 1/2 year old, really its not like your asking a massive favour.
Surely with a toy / colouring book your dd would entertain herself until your brother arrived home 10 minutes later.
Free childcare is great with family & Friends as long as it works both ways

Next time they want childcare maybe you should check how busy you are

Id see if you can drop her there plenty of time before your db leaves then he can take her with him when he goes to fetch his dc.

Although I understand how frustrating it is when you help out frequently and consideration cannot be given to you in the same way.

Could your DB take your DD with him to collect his DD from nursery?

I think that if you fail to attend this important interview because of her intransigence and selfishness, you'll need in turn to be very picky about which events you'll childmind for in future. I'd say emergencies only.

You need to explain its an interview, not something you can move around to fit.
If they don't rally round to support, then they are taking the p

Maybe it won't suit SIL for you to work given how much they rely on you.....

YANBU! What a cheeky cow ten minutes is completely insignificant. If it were me I would reply:

"Lol I take it this is a joke considering the fact I have provided hundred if not thousands of hours of free childcare for your child? It's an important interview. If SIL can't commit then I'm sorry but I'm very very upset about this and I won't be able to put myself out for your days out/ weekends away/ pick ups and drops offs. Call me when you've decided."

People get away with treating others appallingly only when they're allowed to. Stand up for yourself she is being a complete bitch!

As others have said, drop your dd with your brother so he can take her to nursery for pick up.

Simple.

As others have suggested, could you drop her off early so that your DB could take your DD with him when he collects his own DD from nursery?

Otherwise I'd reply with one of the suggested jokey texts telling them you're dropping her off as its only 10 minutes.

Their DD could miss one afternoon of nursery to accommodate you. This is important; surely your DB should understand that and should be wanting to help you?

Ah sorry, knew I must have not have copped the obvious reason . Is there any chance you could ask her directly and see what she says? Not to put your brother in the middle / have him be her messenger? It does sound ridiculously cheeky of her for the sake of 10 bloody minutes!

Maybe she really is busy and can't spare the 10 mins. Wait until you know before you go mad.
Is she normally selfish like that?

I think you need to spell it out to them how important this is to you. They may not have quite taken it on board - a lot of people are a bit self-obsessed like this. Make it absolutely plain that this is an important interview - if SIL still doesn't step up then tell them how disappointed you are in their attitudes. Cheeky buggers.

Get him to take her early or pick her up on the way to the school run so she is with him at the school run then sil is not involved

Meet DB at the nursery with your DD and then go to the interview. Your SIL sounds like an arse and your DB has obviously enabled this over the time they've been together.

As for childcare in the future, I'd be scaling back. Not so much that it damages your relationship with your DB, you don't want to escalate things, but enough that they notice that you aren't going to put yourself out anymore.

Op you are a really nice person but in danger of being s martyr!

Stop now. Stop the unpaid childminding and email/text that ' in light of the fact you are unable to provide child care for me I cannot reciprocate from tomorrow'

They are users love.

do they just drop their dc's round then randomly?

youre gonna have to put a stop to that if youre brother cant even persuade his wife to look after yours for ten minutes

hope it all works out

Why can't he collect his dd ten minutes early?