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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give the non-birthday sibling a present?

190 replies

waitingforsomething · 28/06/2016 06:51

It is my DS 1st birthday in July, my DD will have her 4th birthday in November so a while away. I was chatting to a friend about what I would get DS, and she asked me what I had got for DD. When I said nothing as it isn't her birthday friend looked aghast and said she gives something small to the non-birthday kids and it's mean to make one kid look on while the other gets a ton of gifts. Is this normal practise? I hadn't even thought of it, DD will join in with his cake/party and 'help' him open his presents of course, but I wasn't going to give her a present.
What do people do on mumsnet? Is it unreasonable for her not to get a gift on his birthday?

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/06/2016 16:39

I wouldn't do it either, I don't think I can think of more than 1 parent I know who does do it.

It's all personal choice

Kidsrulethishouse · 30/06/2016 16:55

We have done this for the last couple of years. We thought of it like a 'thank-you present'
We did think it was a good idea until we realised that it was getting a bit expensive the more children we had and the older they get. (we have three aged 1,3 and 6) I don't think it is something we will carry on doing.

sarah861421 · 30/06/2016 18:09

I have always bought the sibling a token gift for their non birthday. Its usually something to play with and therefore distracts them while the birthday child is getting all the attention and fun, Its only a fiver and avoids potential problems. My only problem is that my children are now in their 20's and still expect something. At what age do they grow up.

Charliechuck94 · 30/06/2016 19:18

My Nan does this for my two kids. I don't mind her doing it, but I dont

isitginoclock · 30/06/2016 19:42

We do this. It's only ever a token gift. I do it without thinking as mum always did it for us. I actually do it for close friends' siblings as well. Never thought of it as weird! X

LifeInJeneral · 30/06/2016 19:48

My mum always used to do this for us, and actually brings back pleasent memories and I always thought of birthdays as very special occasions (and still do). When I was old enough to have pocket money I started buying my siblings little gifts on my birthday haha my mum thought I was nuts (I'd probably agree with her), it just felt nice that everyone got to be happy and get gifts!

Sootica · 30/06/2016 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bahookie · 30/06/2016 21:11

I give the non birthday sibling a present (something small). my ridiculous reasoning is more to do with the fact that DD's only have 1 grandparent alive (who lives a distance away and is confined to the house), so they don't get the wee treats/money/clothes bought for them that all their friends get on a frequent basis from their grandparents.

RiverTamFan · 30/06/2016 23:38

My Grannies both did this when I was a kid. Both the Birthday child and the other both got a packet of sweets and a follow shiny pennies!

Two of our DCs have summer Birthdays and the other winter. Both sets of grandparents send the non-Birthday children a present, generally worth less than £5. Packet of sweets & novelty purse level. Although I think one set is trying to guilt us into more contact so upped it to £10 this year! Hmm We're thicker skinned than that.

Lickedthespoon · 01/07/2016 00:29

My MIL bought my niece about the same amount of presents for my sons birthday so she wouldn't feel left out. Also bought her a few presents for his Christening then told me she'd forgot to get one for him and gave us money to pick one for him. Makes me mad! Each to their own, but I personally hate it!

magratvonlipwig · 01/07/2016 07:24

Ive never done this, but my mum does it for my kids (she didnt for us when we were kids !!!).
I see it as grandparents wanting to give them stuff at any excuse. But in our house we all gather round to watch present opening so non birthday child is used to watching birthday person... adult or child, and wouldn't expect anything.

2muchcrap · 01/07/2016 07:27

I don't do this. It's a ridiculous idea.

ShyPhilosopher · 01/07/2016 18:56

We used to have a different way of dealing with younger siblings getting upset (particularly our autistic son). All it was is we'd relight one birthday candle and go round the other kids letting them each take a turn to blow it out. We only stopped doing this when our youngest turned 8. It's far cheaper than buying extra presents.

AppleAndBlackberry · 01/07/2016 19:21

I do this, but it's a £3 gift for the non-birthday child in the context of over £200 spent on the birthday child (not all by me). I don't see the big deal really, it doesn't make the day any less special for the birthday child and my kids aren't spoilt or demanding. I like doing it, I don't really buy them toys at all if it's not a birthday or Christmas so they're not spoilt or demanding.

Jesbennie · 20/07/2016 00:36

We always get a present for the non birthday child the present is from their sibling for being such a good big sister/little brother they are well aware who's special day it is and we let them go shopping to choose the present for sister/brother and they really enjoy giving it xx

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