New Teacher keeps shortening DS' name

[Cjamm]

DS(6)' New year one teacher stared this half term, so has only been his teacher for the last two weeks.

DS is called Ulrick, it's a family name & because my Dad & Grandad go by nicknames, we've never shortened his name, he's always just gone by his full name.

First day of the new term, he complained that the new teacher kept calling him Rick & he doesn't like it as its his Grandads name. I told him to just tell her to stop & use his full name.

The next day he complained again but that this time he told her but she still kept calling him Rick and by the end of the 2nd week he was getting rather upset over it as the kids in his class had started calling him Rick & he really hates it, so at drop off last Monday I told her he'd prefer to be called Ulrick & she said "thanks for letting me know" so I assumed she'd start calling him by his full name.

Then that same evening DS complained about her still calling him Rick & I promised to have another word with her. I managed to speak to her at pick up on Wednesday & was pretty clear that calling him Rick upset him & could she use his full name. She seemed sorry to have upset him & said she would use his full name from now on.

Thursday the school was being used as a polling station & then Friday was a teacher training day, so no school until today. I got home from work & DS was upset as I'd promised his teacher wouldn't call him Rick anymore but she had

I don't know if she's just forgotten but I've mentioned it more then once now & DS has said that he's told her he doesn't like being called Rick multiple times

He was really upset by it & if it was just the teacher calling him Rick I might have just ignored it as she's only his teacher for a few more weeks but now kids in class have started calling him Rick & it really does bother him.

I don't really know what to do, would it be an overreaction to ask for a meeting? I've already told her he doesn't like her shortening his name, she's agreed not to do it but still does it.

I also never reply to any shortening of my name ever.
It's very rude to call someone by a name other than the one they introduced themselves by.
I would be speaking to the head if she continues to call him a name other than his own.

I think she's a bit thick and doesn't believe Ulrick is a real name. Tell your son to address her as "teech" until she stops calling him Rick.

I have 4 children in secondary school not one of them get their name shortened. SO no it is not something you have to get used to. I do not accept my name shortened either (I don't like it much in its full version but I loathe it once shortened) 2 of mine have names that are natually shortened to other names they get called by their long version of their names.

How would your son feel about not responding when friends call him Rick? Would he be ok with that? (I know it is harder to do in the class room but is it a chance?) Also worth commenting to friends mothers so they can support you

lastly I LOVE the name Ulrick and wanted it for ds but dh wouldnt entertain it said it was to hard to say in English :(

It may seem a trivial matter to some but

1 if names weren't important we'd not agonise over what to call dc

2 she's NOT LISTENING to you or your son and that's disrespectful

3 she's effectively dismissing your and his choice of what he's called that's disrespectful too

What is her name? Does she go by the long or short version ? I'd be tempted to call HER by the name SHE dislikes!

It is rude and disrespectful to shorten anybody's name without their consent. Email the head. Poor Ulrick, 💐

DS is too much of a rule follower to ever ignore her, but I'm glad I'm not overreacting, I was sure I was going to be told that I was being too precious.

Jessie, it does seem like she has an issue with the name, but her opinion was never asked for or wanted, I wish she'd just stop calling him Rick & make the last few weeks nice & easy.

I imagine she'd be pulled up pretty sharply for calling a kid called Davindra "Dave" or similar. She needs to understand that this situation is no different and it is not up to her to decide his name. Perhaps try speaking to her one more time and put her on the spot by asking her to explain to you why she is persisting?

Perhaps there are two Ulrichs in the class, and she is trying to differentiate between them?

Cjamm, we had the same problem with DD1 this year, who likes to be known by her full name at school, but has a diminutive for home. The teacher concerned not only shortened DD1's name but decided she had another diminutive that she preferred over and above the one we used at home. DD1 asked the teacher to call her by her full name several times but not joy. As soon as I found out, I contacted the head and asked that all teachers be aware of the issue, and to use DD1's full name from thereon. Apparently, the teacher concerned has slipped once or twice since, but by and large has remembered to use the correct name. It would be different if it was DD1's friends who were using a nick name that she liked, but that was not the case here and my DD1 has strong views on what she prefers to be called.

Very disrespectful of the teacher. I teach and I admit that I do make mistakes occasionally. I mix up best friends who are always together, and sometimes children with similar names e.g. Isabella / Isabelle. But I always apologize immediately, make a real effort not to repeat the mistake and make it clear to children that it's absolutely fine to point it out when I do make an error. I would be embarrassed if a parent had to speak to me even once, let alone several times.

It's nasty, bullying behaviour on the part of the teacher and she is enabling his classmates to do likewise. She has been told that he doesn't like it, yet she persists. That is pretty much the definition of bullying.

I was faced with a similar situation at the start of high school- I am, and have always been known by my middle name, but when a few of the teachers came to know that it was my middle name they swapped to using my first name, one even saying that I would have to get used to it. I got marked absent from classes because I didn't realise they were addressing me when they called out the register using a name I had never been called, apart from on paper.

Some of the other kids picked up on the fact that I didn't like being called by this name, and of course (some) kids being kids, used it as an excuse to tease/ wind me up. As it was condoned by the teachers, this attitude from the other pupils pretty much continued unabated for the rest of the time I was at that school.

I would make a strong complaint against the teacher and ask that she no only cease the behaviour herself, but correct the other students who are aping it.

Names do get shortened and it is annoying at times.

As annoying as it is, I would try to ignore it - his name will be shortened by his peers soon too.

When we are older we can correct others if they shorten our names (in a nice way of course).

If that is no good - then have a word with the school.

I can't believe this really, it has to be a pronunciation issue.

Sometimes people shorten names as a term of endearment - I wouldn't call it bullying.
Of course, if this causes distress you can have a word.
I think names stick at home - what people call your child at school or in the playground doesn't.
Unless it is insulting of course, that's a different matter.

I think I'll email the head in the morning before drop off & then let her know at drop off that I've done it & would appreciate it if she referred to him with his full name & corrected anyone who calls him Rick

Out2Pasture, she can say Ulrick perfectly fine as she's said it when I spoke to her about it, so definetly not a pronunciation issue.

Why don't you send in notes with your DS everyday. And every time she slips up he can hand her one.

"My name is Ulrick.
Don't call me by anything other than my name, thank you."

Persistant name calling is bullying. Even if it's a diminutive of a name its unwanted and repeated.

You have tried talking with her, your DS has tried, and now the classroom is full of children calling him a name he doesn't like, and isn't his name.

I'd go directly to the head. S/He needs to know about this teacher, and have them trained and managed better.
Bullying can be very very stressful.

Such a pity to spoil the early experience of school for him because of one ignorant and careless teacher.

It's not a term of endearment if you are effectively changing the name. For example, shortening William to Will would not be objectionable under most circumstances, but shortening it to Liam would be odd and uncomfortable as it is a whole other name. Likewise Rick is a traditional shortening of Richard. It is not the same name as Ulrick.

Besides, persisting to shorten a name when you have been specifically told that it is not liked by the person whose name it is, is just unpleasant, regardless of the name.

I've read some of the replies here - maybe I am a bit thick skinned.

My daughter is called Roseanne and sometimes people call her Rose or Rosie.
My son is called Daniel and he is often called Dan - they are both okay by the way.
If they want to correct others on their names when they are older, they can (they can now but don't seem bothered).
I may be being insensitive so, yes - if it's not right for you speak to the head.

Then it's inappropriate and should be corrected - but is it really bullying?

I can't believe so many people are saying it's ok.

It's not.

What about all those threads where relatives say 'oh, I think I'll call him/her X' and MNers go wild about how they only get to name their own child, how disrespectful it is etc.

I reacted far lore strongly than I thought I would when a teacher shortened dd2's name. She was 6, and had never had her name shortened before. Then the Head called on her during a parent assembly, using a shortening. I couldn't believe it. I was all prepared for dd2 to mangle it as she approached secondary, or a nickname to arrive, but it is not up to a teacher to decide how a child is known. At all.

Mind you, I've got it all again -ds started in September, and he is known by a shortening - what's the guessing his teacher will use his (never used) full name

It is bullying because she has been told that it upsets the child, yet she persists. Maybe it is not intentional, but nonetheless she needs to be more careful not to continue with behaviours that she has been told cause upset. It shows a callousness to the feelings of a child in her class.

Tell him to (respectfully) correct her each time "My name is Ulrick"

If that doesn't work then perhaps he should start calling her by her first name rather than Miss/Mrs XYZ.

If she complains then you can argue that it appears that respecting names isn't important to her so why should it be to your son.

(or a massive label like a PP suggested )

Maybe make an appointment to speak to her a bit more formally. Set out the problem (she is calling DS a name he doesn't like and other children are copying - he is upset) and ask her what we all need to do to stop it happening.

Have a word with the head, as yes - teachers should be addressing children by their names (especially if they have already been asked).
Expect peers to shorten names before secondary school though - it happens.