New Teacher keeps shortening DS' name

[Cjamm]

DS(6)' New year one teacher stared this half term, so has only been his teacher for the last two weeks.

DS is called Ulrick, it's a family name & because my Dad & Grandad go by nicknames, we've never shortened his name, he's always just gone by his full name.

First day of the new term, he complained that the new teacher kept calling him Rick & he doesn't like it as its his Grandads name. I told him to just tell her to stop & use his full name.

The next day he complained again but that this time he told her but she still kept calling him Rick and by the end of the 2nd week he was getting rather upset over it as the kids in his class had started calling him Rick & he really hates it, so at drop off last Monday I told her he'd prefer to be called Ulrick & she said "thanks for letting me know" so I assumed she'd start calling him by his full name.

Then that same evening DS complained about her still calling him Rick & I promised to have another word with her. I managed to speak to her at pick up on Wednesday & was pretty clear that calling him Rick upset him & could she use his full name. She seemed sorry to have upset him & said she would use his full name from now on.

Thursday the school was being used as a polling station & then Friday was a teacher training day, so no school until today. I got home from work & DS was upset as I'd promised his teacher wouldn't call him Rick anymore but she had

I don't know if she's just forgotten but I've mentioned it more then once now & DS has said that he's told her he doesn't like being called Rick multiple times

He was really upset by it & if it was just the teacher calling him Rick I might have just ignored it as she's only his teacher for a few more weeks but now kids in class have started calling him Rick & it really does bother him.

I don't really know what to do, would it be an overreaction to ask for a meeting? I've already told her he doesn't like her shortening his name, she's agreed not to do it but still does it.

It's all very well if you choose to suck it up and accept being called by something you don't like, and there may be a time and a place for that. But is is just as useful an attitude that the OP can teach her DS to learn when not to put up with something that he dislikes, but to stand up for himself and challenge it in an appropriate way.

A short email - if you continue to call my child by a name that upsets him I will have to instruct him to refer to you as Ms silly. After all of you can't use his proper name after repeated requests and aware that it is upsetting to him, then I don't think ulrick should be required to use your given name.
I'm sure we can avoid this silly situation if ds is called by his name and not by a different one.

Kind regards

I'll definetly email the head & then try & talk to the teacher during drop off, I'm off to bed, I'll update tomorrow/ technically today with hopefully some good news

I have a long unusual name which has a shortening it shares with a very popular name in my teachers generation. Teachers did try from time to time to use that diminutive. I found the best approach was to say firmly the first time they used it that that wasn't my name, and then to ignore them after that. Generally they got the message very quickly. It is I suppose a bit rude, but then deciding that what you want to call someone is more important than what they want to call themselves is very rude too. I've never had the problem outside of learning settings, usually people ask if I use a shortening, I say no and that's it.

My mum was very clear to my teachers at primary school that I was to be called my full name (I had a different diminutive at home, which is very much for family only). I don't think that was 'precious'. It was very important to me to have her backing.

OP I would email the head to ask for support with the matter and I would be straight that I had asked the teacher on more than one occasion to stop, that she had agreed and reneged that your ds had also asked, and that he was really upset about it. Some people really don't get that it;'s a bit deal - I had a couple of teachers say 'I always use shortenings' with the attitude that not only should I not object but I should see it as some sort of mark of favour or affection. Very irritating.

i wish my biggest problem was a teacher calling my kid by a shortened name......

Hope you get a good result OP. I agree that sometimes there are things that you don't just "let go" and your child being upset continually, and purposefully, by a teacher is simply not on. Just because it's "just a name" doesn't make what she's doing anything less than bullying and undermining him (and you).

p.s. The fact it's "just a name" should make this an easy thing to rectify, I've no idea why she's being such a turd about it.

user1465whatever Mumsnet would be very boring if everyone only ever posted about their 'biggest' problems.

Rolihlahla Mandela was named 'Nelson' by his teacher, quite randomly on his first day at school. She just assigned names to all the children in her class, job done. Those became their names for life. Teachers used to have such power. That was long ago, in, like, the 19th century or something, in a dictatorship far far away where nobody respected the rights of others.

You don't expect teachers to do that in these enlightened times. It is a matter of respecting the child's autonomy to call him by his given name unless the child prefers a nickname.

I know a Michael who refuses to respond to Mike. I found that surprising, but I only made the mistake of calling him Mike once. As soon as I knew, I switched to his full name. It's not hard.

Could it be due to her accent maybe? It sounds odd that she would do this deliberately!

I really dislike the short version of my name (not fond of the long version, either).

I had a teacher who constantly used the diminutive. I finally got her to stop by telling her an even shorter version to use.

I am Allison, she called me Allie, I got her to shorten it to Lee.

I was happy when the year was over and I got my name back.

To this day, I only hear "Allie" when my DH is trying to get my attention in a crowd. He calls it out and I am bound to react...

Ask to sit in the class for the morning and administer electric shocks if she gets it wrong...!

MerilwenRose RTFT. She's already said there is NO accent and has pronounced the name properly when OP spoke to her about using his correct name. It's definitely on purpose.

Teachers are not allowed to do this. Respecting a pupil's name is one of the basics, it's addressed in teacher training. She's been asked to use the full name and hasn't, so this one has to go to the headteacher.

could it be that she just struggles to learn a new name for a person? I really struggle with this too. I find that whatever name Iearn for a person, I just can't adjust to using a different name later.
So, if someone is Mr Smith at first, I find it hard to call then David later. Or if they are David, but later ask for Dave, I struggle. Its fine when I make a conscious effort, but when I am just quickly saying something and my mind is focused on the other part of the sentence, the original name slips out.
e.g. I still struggle to not accidentally call the DC by their baby nicknames.

Am I the only person like this?

I agree with timelytess, good luck with the email. I hope it gets sorted out.

I had a teacher at school who used to deliberately mispronounce my name. For example, she would say Corinna instead of Carina, with it almost rhyming with dinner instead of marina. I hated it and corrected her.

She deliberately carried on and had a similar sort of issue with my friend's name too. We both hated it. Eventually we tried ignoring her when she got our names wrong. She was furious and came out with rubbish such as we knew she was talking to us and should answer. She told us not to be so silly about things like this.

Her surname was Richards. So I started to answer with Yes Mrs Richardson/Rickards/Rickets etc etc. She suddenly was able to get our names right.

Names are so personal. We have a Nathaniel - I want it to be Nate when shortened.... He is currently 12 months and we have been really tough on name shortening - his name is Nathaniel unless we or he decide otherwise!

I think the teacher's out of order. Your son wishes his correct name to be used. It's a matter of the most basic respect. MIL who taught fir 40 years laughs that she had every child's name shortened by the second week of September. Happily my children's schools had a form at reception stage on which parents could not customary diminutives, if any. Our Ds was nicknamed by his classmates before the end of reception!

MIL tried to shorten my four syllable name - ONCE .

Shortened names are an attempt usually at informality and friendliness, not disrespect, so develop your tolerance of that and try to see the positive.

I'm in Australia, where shortening names is pretty much a national pastime. A lot of my students get nicknames, sometimes of their own name, sometimes a completely random nickname. Most children like it, but any child that said they'd rather be called by a different nickname or their full name, then that's what I'll use. Usually on day 1 when I'm doing attendance I'll say 'Can I call you Xxxxx?' and they can say yes or no.

I hate the shortenings of my name, and would never answer to them at school. Years later, when an adult, I discovered that another girl with the same name, who we'd always shortened also absolutely hated it. If only she'd said, or her parents had said (a third girl with the same name often got called both her full name, and her full, long, surname to differentiate so it wouldn't have been a problem - there were a lot of us that year!).

It seems a little thing, but the background annoyance at it just can't be good, so keep on it OP. Fix it now, or he'll have a school career of being annoyed (enough that it was one of the first things the woman said to me when we re-connected - that she preferred to be called the long version)

It's rubbish that you have to get used to a diminutive form of your name. My name is difficult to spell/pronounce and nicknames have never stuck with me because I have never let them. I went through school with another girl who has the same name and did use a shortened form but I still always got my full name.
Similarly DH's name is one that many people would shorten yet he is known by his full name because that's how he introduces himself.

Assuming the teacher isn't a cow, it might be worth checking it isn't a talking/ listening hiccup- if she speaks quickly she could be slurring the "ul" into the word before.

Most teachers do like children- I was gutted when a parent told me they thought I didn't like their child because I always called her by her full name, not an abbreviation (eg Abigail, not Abby), and actually, thinking about it now, I nickname all the time- Sam becomes Sammy, Samuel, SammyMcSamson - so if she is a nicknamer it might be quite hard to stop (although I absolutely agree that she should stop based on what you have described here).

It's rude, it's his name, part of his identity.

Before you go in all guns blazing, are you sure it's not just her emphasis that is different?

If you call him UL-rick, stressing the first syllable, and she calls him ul-RICK, stressing the last, it could sound to your DS that she is calling him Rick when she isn't.

Also, she could be calling him Ulrick 95% of the time, slipping up 5% of the time and absolutely kicking herself. Making an official complaint when she is already trying would make her want to bang her head on the floor.

I have known people that just cannot get some people's names right. The first person I met who was like this, well, I just thought they were rude or trying to make a point or something. But the second person I knew who was like that I got to know well enough to know they just had a sort of blind spot, it was as if they'd learn someone's name wrong and it was just stuck in their head like that and there was nothing they could do - there was no malice involved. And yes the second one was a teacher!

It's nearly July. I'd suggest you leave it for the rest of the year and speak to whoever will be his class teacher next year, explain the problem, and ask if he/she can help by a) getting the name right and b) helping his classmates to get the name right. They will be pleased to help.