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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New Teacher keeps shortening DS' name

179 replies

Cjamm · 27/06/2016 23:04

DS(6)' New year one teacher stared this half term, so has only been his teacher for the last two weeks.

DS is called Ulrick, it's a family name & because my Dad & Grandad go by nicknames, we've never shortened his name, he's always just gone by his full name.

First day of the new term, he complained that the new teacher kept calling him Rick & he doesn't like it as its his Grandads name. I told him to just tell her to stop & use his full name.

The next day he complained again but that this time he told her but she still kept calling him Rick and by the end of the 2nd week he was getting rather upset over it as the kids in his class had started calling him Rick & he really hates it, so at drop off last Monday I told her he'd prefer to be called Ulrick & she said "thanks for letting me know" so I assumed she'd start calling him by his full name.

Then that same evening DS complained about her still calling him Rick & I promised to have another word with her. I managed to speak to her at pick up on Wednesday & was pretty clear that calling him Rick upset him & could she use his full name. She seemed sorry to have upset him & said she would use his full name from now on.

Thursday the school was being used as a polling station & then Friday was a teacher training day, so no school until today. I got home from work & DS was upset as I'd promised his teacher wouldn't call him Rick anymore but she had Confused

I don't know if she's just forgotten but I've mentioned it more then once now & DS has said that he's told her he doesn't like being called Rick multiple times

He was really upset by it & if it was just the teacher calling him Rick I might have just ignored it as she's only his teacher for a few more weeks but now kids in class have started calling him Rick & it really does bother him.

I don't really know what to do, would it be an overreaction to ask for a meeting? I've already told her he doesn't like her shortening his name, she's agreed not to do it but still does it. Hmm

OP posts:
KissMyArse · 28/06/2016 00:33

I am, and have always been known by my middle name,

Why on earth do parents do that?

Give their child a first name and then call them by their middle name? Where is the effing sense in that Confused

laurenwiltxx · 28/06/2016 00:33

Aibu to think you and ds should just "man up"

Original poster
Cjamm · 28/06/2016 00:34

Pickled, I don't mind his name being shortened, (although deep down, I hope it never happens Grin) it's kind of to be expected, but there's a difference between a child shortening his name & a teacher persisting in calling him a name he doesn't want.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cjamm · 28/06/2016 00:36

Lauren, he's far too sensitive to man up anytime soon, but oh well, I prefer him just the way he is.

OP posts:
Atenco · 28/06/2016 00:41

I love the name Ulrick and hate the name Rick, so your son has all my sympathy. Very unkind of anyone not to call someone by the name they prefer.

laurenwiltxx · 28/06/2016 00:42

Yeah but don't molly coddle him, its like when they fall over they only get really upset if you make a fuss. Maybe this is a good situation to teach him tolerance of other people annoying him. I do get that because its a teacher its kind of hard but try not to show him that its a big deal

echt · 28/06/2016 00:42

I teach, and I am particular about using the child's correct name (their choice) and pronunciation. Actually, I do this for all people I meet, and had rather thought it was basic good manners.

I'm Shock at the suggestion that the child should lie low on this. It's one thing for his peers to do this eventually, but never for the teacher to do so.

As has been pointed out, had the teacher shortened Mohammed to Mo and been told not to, they'd fall into line very quickly and I can't imagine there'd be many MNers pitching in to tell him to man up.

PickledCauliflower · 28/06/2016 00:47

I think the general advice is - if you don't like the shortened name then speak to the head. Have a word.
I would say some of the advice here may be a bit OTT - about giving your child a note saying only call me by this name, etc. It may create unnecessary drama.
That's only my opinion of course - and others may not agree.

Thistledew · 28/06/2016 00:47

I think it teaches a child nothing useful to tell them that they have to toughen up and put up with behaviour that they find upsetting. I would by far prefer to teach them to stand up for themselves in an appropriate and confident manner to stop the unkind behaviour, than to learn that they should put up with people being unpleasant to them.

Original poster
Cjamm · 28/06/2016 00:50

Pickled, I'm going to email the head in the morning, add her in as well & then let her know at drop off that I've done it & could she just correct anyone using the name Rick. Hopefully she'll decide that with only a few weeks to go, there's really no point in kicking up any drama.

OP posts:
NowWhat1983 · 28/06/2016 00:55

Ive permanently gone by a nickname I dont care for since primary school and no amount of telling people made a difference.

Shrugs.

VenusRising · 28/06/2016 00:55

I suggested the notes because it's very very difficult to speak up in class for some, and if he is heard by others maybe they'll all mimic him!

I understand handing the teacher the notes sounds ott, but it might be a solution for one very shy and bullied boy.

I hope you can find a resolution soon OP. Remind your DS that teachers are humans also, and that he's there to learn whet the teacher's teaching, not there to like her.

Sometimes we don't like teachers, and think they're arseholes but we still learn what they're offering.

I'd see the head about it.

NowWhat1983 · 28/06/2016 00:56

The NN Rick is being used not to deliberately upset him but it just seems to have stuck by mistake.

All this attention over it: possibly diverting attention away from children who really are being bullied or need something looking out for.

PickledCauliflower · 28/06/2016 00:57

Sounds like a good plan. If you don't like the shortened name fair enough - it can't be too difficult for them if you have made the point.
I can be ridiculously thick skinned, but I recognise that, and I understand why parents want their children to be addressed by their full names.

Achingallover · 28/06/2016 01:04

Most names of more than two syllables get shortened. Tell him to repeatedly correct it to people, it's likely with that name, this will be a constant issue throughout his life. If you go to the headteacher they will think you are very precious and most prob roll their eyes, but if it's that important to you and your son, so be it. Shortened names are an attempt usually at informality and friendliness, not disrespect, so develop your tolerance of that and try to see the positive.

PurpleTango · 28/06/2016 01:11

I am so glad me and hubby spent time carefully selecting our children's names. We pondered over many names wondering what they could be shortened to. In the end all of them have been given names that can not be shortened. Hubbys name is Ian. He spent his life being called Ee. My name has also been shortened all my life. I have spent all my life spelling it too. Its not great. Maybe parents should consider the lifetime effects when they name their offspring.

Thistledew · 28/06/2016 01:11

Shortened names are an attempt usually at informality and friendliness

Sure lover sometimes they are are, but depending on how they are used, they can also undermine someone's identity.

Baconyum · 28/06/2016 01:13

Lauren what would you do if addressed by a name you hate and that ISN'T your name?

Original poster
Cjamm · 28/06/2016 01:13

NowWhat, I understand that you don't think it's that big of a deal, but it really bothers my DS. If it's taking attention away from another child then that's completely the fault of the teacher, she's caused this. Whether she meant to upset him isn't the issue, she knows it does upset him & has chosen to ignore his feelings & carry on.

Venus, it was a good idea but he doesn't struggle with correcting her, it sounds like he does it multiple times a day, she just doesn't listen.

I know some of you think I'm being precious & I don't blame you, it's a name, it will be shortened, he'll have to deal with it one day, so why not use this as a learning opportunity etc

The issue is is that it's not a child shortening his name, it his teacher, they're not on an equal footing at all, he's tried to stand up & let her know he doesn't like it & she's chosen to ignore him. I understand their are worse things going on in schools but this matters to him, so I've chosen to stand up for him & teach him that he doesn't have to just put up with it and that it can get sorted out.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 28/06/2016 01:14

Reverse problem - a relative had to convince a headteacher that her son's really were Terry and Tony, not Terence and Anthony. A friend had the same problem with her son Tony. GS Eddie's teacher wrote Edward on his exercise books, he is Edmund.
When I did supply teaching, before I took a register I always asked that any child whose name I pronounced wrongly should tell me. (Just the child, not a gleeful chorus from the whole class!) This also gave them the opportunity to tell me if they preferred a shortened form. I think OP's son's teacher is very discourteous.

Baconyum · 28/06/2016 01:16

I always think badly of teachers who WON'T listen to their students it's not a dictatorship!

Achingallover · 28/06/2016 01:17

Just as n afterthought .....Also, check your sons auditory discrimination in his phonics and rhyme identification, There are two distinct frequencies to the syllables in his name with the latter having a higher pitch and emphasis, which he may be missing, especially If he is in flow on an absorbing task and interrupted by a name call.

user1465823522 · 28/06/2016 01:21

i hate to say it, but it happens. and kids, co workers, random people you meet will shorten your name and while you can say you don't like it, you can't really force people not to do it. For instance, I'm Virginia and that is how I introduce myself, it's what my parent's call me, but pretty much everyone else - in work and socially - calls me Ginny.

I could get annoyed by it or I can suck it up and get on. I choose sucking it up

MistressDeeCee · 28/06/2016 01:23

So many people mispronounce my name and use an anglicised version of it. Or they shorten it. I really don't like that. I like my name. Its only 3 syllables I just think people are lazy. My school teachers managed it fine when I was growing up though. So I don't think YABU at all OP, there's both the anglicising and shortening of your DS's name going on here so its time to have a word with headmaster. Your DS doesn't like his name being changed and its upsetting him its as simple as that, and his feelings should be respected. Whats so hard about pronouncing a 2 syllable name, and its in the register in front of his teacher's eyes isn't it? Very odd situation

echt · 28/06/2016 01:23

All this attention over it: possibly diverting attention away from children who really are being bullied or need something looking out for.

Of course. That's how bullying happens in schools, when some teacher is too busy getting names right. Hmm