New Teacher keeps shortening DS' name

[Cjamm]

DS(6)' New year one teacher stared this half term, so has only been his teacher for the last two weeks.

DS is called Ulrick, it's a family name & because my Dad & Grandad go by nicknames, we've never shortened his name, he's always just gone by his full name.

First day of the new term, he complained that the new teacher kept calling him Rick & he doesn't like it as its his Grandads name. I told him to just tell her to stop & use his full name.

The next day he complained again but that this time he told her but she still kept calling him Rick and by the end of the 2nd week he was getting rather upset over it as the kids in his class had started calling him Rick & he really hates it, so at drop off last Monday I told her he'd prefer to be called Ulrick & she said "thanks for letting me know" so I assumed she'd start calling him by his full name.

Then that same evening DS complained about her still calling him Rick & I promised to have another word with her. I managed to speak to her at pick up on Wednesday & was pretty clear that calling him Rick upset him & could she use his full name. She seemed sorry to have upset him & said she would use his full name from now on.

Thursday the school was being used as a polling station & then Friday was a teacher training day, so no school until today. I got home from work & DS was upset as I'd promised his teacher wouldn't call him Rick anymore but she had

I don't know if she's just forgotten but I've mentioned it more then once now & DS has said that he's told her he doesn't like being called Rick multiple times

He was really upset by it & if it was just the teacher calling him Rick I might have just ignored it as she's only his teacher for a few more weeks but now kids in class have started calling him Rick & it really does bother him.

I don't really know what to do, would it be an overreaction to ask for a meeting? I've already told her he doesn't like her shortening his name, she's agreed not to do it but still does it.

The op said the teacher is new so will not have had 3 terms to learn names. If she genuinely thinks the teacher is mean enough to be mispronouncing her sons name on purpose purely to upset him then I think the name is the least of her worries.

I think you were reasonable to put it in writing given that it was upsetting your son and your repeated previous verbal requests had been ignored. I think it's totally patronising to basically rename someone. A person's name is an important part of their identity. DH used to have an annoying boss that did this but in reverse. Instead of giving him a nickname she decided that his real name, which is on his birth certificate, was a nickname for a different name, when it's actually a correct variant in it's own right. So she was calling him this other name in an attempt to be formal and not use nicknames in the workplace but it wasn't his name! He reminded her repeatedly but she didn't really 'get' it until she rang up asking for him and I said "there's no one by that name at this number, do you mean 'DH's real name'"! It is disrespectful to repeatedly call someone by the wrong name after being reminded.

Narky, I don't think she's doing it to purposefully upset him, I do think that she doesn't seem to realise how much it's upsetting him & thinks it's not that big of a deal.

NeedACleverNN, she clearly didn't think it warranted getting the Head involved and she made a bit of a show of calling DS by his name, it came across as a bit patronising but as long as she calls him by name, I'll be happy.

I beg your pardon, I missed that bit Narky. Having said that, I still think she's had enough to time to learn it, especially as the point has been made to her on several occasions - in fact you'd think it would be the one name she would get right!

Absolutely

Obviously she has a large class and can't pander to every child but if this small thing is one issue she can resolve and stop any hurt feelings why should she feel she needs to carry on upsetting?

Gosh yes damn parents, wanting their kids to be called by their names. Such a headache....

Nice one 522.
Teach is in a position of power. Repeated use of the wrong name, to the upset of a child, is not something I would let slide.
It's not easy for a child to go up against an adult teacher. She is undermining herself

I am ex teacher.
This is really rude and poor practice.
I am amazed she didn't respond to you asking twice, and her response this time was

Perfectly reasonable to ask the teacher to call your child by their name.

When I was teaching I sometimes had 4 syllable Asian names that were completely new to me and a challenge for me to remember and pronounce. I spent time going over the register before they arrived, and then took time to ask the children how to say it, and told them to correct me if I got it wrong - and they did.
It's all about attitude

What the fuck is high maintenance about expecting to be called by your actual name?

Cjamm I am glad that you have taken a stand on this. Names are important and its incredibly rude to keep calling someone the wrong name after being asked not to. I would be apologizing profusely if this was a child in my class. And if it were a genuine mistake, I would explain that.

I was a primary teacher and trained to use the child's full name, until the child told you otherwise. It seems a simple matter of respect. I'd complain.

I used to work in a nursery and had a lot of polish names.

One name was quite difficult to work out. It was pronounced Patricia but was spelt something like Patryca. That was a bit of a puzzler but we made sure we worked it out first, checked with mum it was correct and how she usually pronounced it and went from there. Common courtesy

With a name as unusual as Ulrick, a supply teacher would know it by the end of the morning.

The teacher is being very U. And the OP can be one of 'those' parents as much as necessary in this case.

Names are very important.

User (this one) is a gf. Ignore.

You sound like one of those entitled high- maintenance parents we all hate.

If the use of "we" means you're a teacher, user1465823522, I have to say you sound like one of those (fortunately few) lazy teachers we parents all hate.

I have an unusual name, and I have spent my whole life making sure that people call me by either the full name or one particular shortening.

I never accepted being called anything else, and why should I? This is my name so I expect others to use it.

The OP's child is experiencing distress at being called something other than his preferred name. Even as a child, he has every right to be called his preferred name, and not just a name imposed by someone else. This doesn't make the OP a high maintenance parent.

For those who say that OP's child will have his name shortened by his peers soon enough, yes that's possible, but only with the agreement of the child themselves. The names we used for each other at my schools were the names we each introduced ourselves as, whether a full name or a shortened name. It was always down to our own preference.

In this case, the teacher is imposing their own choice of shortening, leading to the other children taking it up, when they had previously been happy to use the full name. The teacher is in a position of authority and shouldn't have to be reminded, again, not to use the wrong name.

YANBU.
Thank goodness he will only be having her for a couple of more weeks.

If she lacks that much perception and insight, then she can't be relied upon to protect their emotional wellbeing in other areas.

If later on, with staff changes, he gets her again I'd do my best to make sure he swaps classes.

Jesus christ is this the kind of crap that takes up teachers time nowadays? No wonder teachers are leaving in droves. Get over it, you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Why not let the teacher get on with, you know, teaching? Instead of bothering the school with silly little emails on trivial issues.

achildsjoy - because you know - teaching - is a job where we are taught to listen to kids as well as teach them. That they have value as human beings. And using someone's name is pretty fundamental.

I am a teacher by the way.

Calling a pupil by the wrong name is hardly a trivial issue. The OP has talked to the teacher twice about this and it's still an ongoing problem. She did the right thing emailing the Head. Let's hope the teacher gets the message this time.

So if she had called him Bob instead of a shortened version of his name despite it NOT being his name and causing him a lot of distress, you as a teacher would feel happy with that? What as a parent of the child?

If you can resolve most of your child's upset by getting the teacher to use the correct name surely that's better than leaving him to it?

I don't think it is a trivial issue. Names are important.

If your child was called Richard would you like the teacher calling him Dicky?

If your name was Kathryn would you like your boss to call you Kate?

I wouldn't.

achildsjoy, teaching involves amongst other matters avoiding unnecessarily causing distress to the pupils. Therefore this teacher isn't getting on with teaching at all and needs to be made aware of that.