Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

texting early morning/late at night

228 replies

fizzingmum · 27/06/2016 10:19

AIBU to think that unless it is an emergency there is no need to text or message someone early in the morning? I have a couple of friends who for different reasons are both early risers and will think nothing of messaging at 6am onwards. I have two DC and we have a very good morning routine meaning that we don't need to be up until 7.30, but I will often be woken early as they are up and have something to say, which could always wait. I've mentioned it to both friends and the response ive received has been that I should turn my phone off if I don't want to be contacted. I don't see why they can't respect my request to keep
To more sociable hours. I need my phone on for actual emergencies. My children may be with their Dad and need me, or my Dad might need me. But getting a picture of my friends son enjoying a party from the weekend at 6am in a Monday morning just maddens me! I think that before 9am and after 9pm it is rude to text. I'm also 35 weeks pregnant so will be needing to get sleep when I can. How do I tell them to stop
This shit!

OP posts:
ZansForCans · 27/06/2016 13:57

I admit a photo of a fish finger being eaten would annoy me.

CheshireChat · 27/06/2016 14:02

Well, I don't think you're being U actually and I agree that you should text them when you're bored during night feeds.
I had a few friends that used to text at daft hours at night because they knew I'd probably be up and fine with it. They didn't call me in the morning because they also knew I might be sleeping, this is how it should be IMO.

icklekid · 27/06/2016 14:44

bathsheba I'm intrigued by 'cooking a high maintenance breakfast' what would this be??!

HSMMaCM · 27/06/2016 15:13

If you can't find the do not disturb function, then set the text tone for those friends to silent instead.

Lilifer · 27/06/2016 15:52

Icklekid a "high maintenance breakfast" for a High maintenance Op!Grin

Lilifer · 27/06/2016 15:57

Not being mean by the way, I'm a bit HM myself so I get itGrin

Believeitornot · 27/06/2016 16:03

Are they deliberately sending you this messages more and more at early times....?

Original poster
fizzingmum · 27/06/2016 17:04

Believeit - it feels like it sometimes. For example one of them if we have been out for a few drinks, I will make a point of saying before I leave (in a very nice way) that I don't have any reason to get up in the morning so could she refrain from texting too early as I will take advantage of a hangover lie in. She will more often than not send a text around 6am when her child is up saying "still laughing at ....."

I genuinely don't think text is like email, it's far more intrusive (these come via text, whatsap, fb messenger etc, so hard to filter without just turning my phone to silent, which i don't think I should have to do).
I'm not a cow to my friends and have a very wide circle of lovely people in my life, I just wouldn't dream of boring disturbing them with inane and pointless texts at stupid I clock, just because I was bored or it was convenient to me. As another pp said, if this was an intrusive MIL or an over zealous boyfriend then the response would be different I'm sure. It's about respecting boundaries.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 27/06/2016 17:12

Turn the real phone back on and tell those who might need you in a hurry to call that.

Mobiles are not robust enough for emergency contact, power guzzling bricks certainly aren't.

Texting at 6am is pig like behaviour though. People should have some manners.

Believeitornot · 27/06/2016 17:12

I did wonder.

I do send messages early but only to people who I know will have turned their phone off or on silent so they don't disturb. These same people text me late at night but know it doesn't disturb me as my phone is on silent (on whatsapp you can mute individuals so that their messages don't disturb you).

I wouldn't mention the early messages anymore because they might be annoying you. I'd also look to put your phone on silent for FB/whatsapp etc because you can't trust them.

I'd also tell them seriously that you don't like it and find it upsetting but not when you've been out for drinks....!

Archedbrowse · 27/06/2016 17:14

The do not disturb feature as mentioned multiple times already will filter out all of the above mentioned notifications. It can also be set to turn on automatically at 9pm and off again at 9am, or whatever times you want. Furthermore you can set it up so that certain numbers such as your dad and DC will always come through.

If you continue to refuse to do this, then it looks more and more like you are facilitating this problem in order to get offended by it?

minipie · 27/06/2016 17:23

I said YABU but I've changed my mind. You're right OP, they should learn not to text until a civilised time. (I think 8am is ok though, 9am is a bit late).

BarbaraofSeville · 27/06/2016 17:48

YABU

If you don't want your phone to disturb you, don't have it in your bedroom or use all the filtering and DND filters Confused.

If there is an actual proper emergency, people will use the landline anyway, because they will quite sensibly assume that if you are asleep in bed, you won't be near your phone.

It is not compulsory to read texts within 5 minutes, it's not like they self destruct if you don't read them immediately. Just read them when you get up.

Original poster
fizzingmum · 27/06/2016 20:09

People saying use the landline - I never use my landline. Can't remember the last time I did. Not sure anyone has the number as it is just not in use. So are you suggesting that I teach my daughters a new number to remember in an emergency and tell them to use the different number. I should then get a landline phone installed in my bedroom. Then I should adjust my mobile phone settings accordingly so that I can get some sleep past 6am? Alternative to said friends just respecting my polite request to keep to a more sociable time. Sounds reasonable to me Confused

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 27/06/2016 20:12

You have landline. Your daughters won't be calling you at 2am. Mobile off when you go to bed. Problem solved.
FFS. How do you think people survived emergencies before mobiles?
Confused

planeymcplaneface · 27/06/2016 20:14

Yabu. My best friend and i have dc a month apart and one of us is always up 6am onwards. We will message the other good morning and reply when we do. And if we are both up we phone each other. Turn your phone off if it bothers so much

Original poster
fizzingmum · 27/06/2016 20:23

Planet, the point is I'm not up at 6am and have told them this numerous times!
Wolfed - and how about my poorly Dad, currently Waiting for a heart bypass after a heart attack. Will any emergency with him not come at 2am out of good manners? Or again should we all change our routines because 2 people think it's okay to text bilge at 6am?!

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzingmum · 27/06/2016 20:23

Planey not planet

OP posts:
Archedbrowse · 27/06/2016 20:49

Is there a reason you won't can't use the do not disturb feature most smartphones have?

biddleyboo · 27/06/2016 20:59

Wow! Can't believe the OP is still getting so much grief on this thread. So, in another scenario that I had. When I first had dd it was mil's first grandchild. Without fail, every single night she would call at bath time. I asked her several times to call earlier (retired so not an issue). DH at the time worked away, I worked part time, so just me. She would ring the landline, and then again and again and again until I could answer. It is selfish! Just because the issue on the surface is the timing of it, the underlying issue is that people who are supposed to treat each other with respect are not respecting the OPs boundaries.
If she'd said only text me between 8:15am and 8:30am or 7:30pm and 7:45pm then I'd say get a grip, but she is only asking to keep to what, tbf are normal social etiquettes. Mumsnet is weird sometimes Confused

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/06/2016 21:11

But you have loads of options, OP:

Put phone on silent.
Put DND mode on so only certain numbers can contact you.
Set the text tone to silent at night.
Give people your landline number if they need you in an emergency at night.

Why can't you do one of the above? It's your sleep getting disturbed, so do something instead of whinging about it.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 27/06/2016 21:13

This thread is batshit crazy.

I would not txt anyone outside the hours I would phone. The ONLY way I would txt someone is if i KNEW they would be up and available to respond.

Just random txts, to someone who has asked you not to, is just pathetic tbh.

And yes, she could put her phone on DND or whatever, but her friends have been asked to stop doing this. Therefore they should bloody well stop doing it.

My phone apparently has a DND disturb feature, thankfully I do not need it as I am not friends with dickheads who think doing something repeatedly that they have been asked not to is ok.

wingingit2 · 27/06/2016 21:15

Actually cannot believe so many think the OP is BU!! I wouldn't dream of texting at 6am, maybe 8am onwards but not before, way too early! That said if repeatedly asking them to stop isn't working then you do need to do something about it yourself!

Libitina · 27/06/2016 21:16

I'm an early riser and quite often text people early in the morning. Not my problem if their phone is switched on.

scmf27 · 27/06/2016 21:18

Think your overreacting to be fair.

Swipe left for the next trending thread