Pretending to be asleep to see what DH will do.

[pinksugarmouse]

So I pretend I'm asleep to see if DH will masturbate, I don't know why - it triggered when I had HG and was too ill for sex, he's never actually done anything in all these times but I lay there stiff as a mouse and each time he moves my heart starts thudding so hard like 'here we go' till sometimes I have to pretend I've had a bad dream because I actually cannot breathe.

Do you think maybe it would help to tell him part of this. If you're too embarrassed to talk about the masturbation part you could maybe tell him you've been feeling anxious at bed time and pretend to sleep but actually always wait for him to fall asleep first?

That way you'll know he knows you're awake and so he won't do anything (not that he is anyway but you know what I mean). It might break the cycle?

I do think you need to seek professional help of some sort, though. Whether that's some sort of counselling to deal with your past abusive relationship or whether it's medication to help with anxiety I don't know.

Fusion what? Not sure if you're agreeing with me or telling me off. Fancy trying it again in English?

I wasn't being nasty but come on none of you actually THINK the op is reasonable do you? Or is it just me that doesn't mind if my dh rubs one out?

I agree with Blinkowl and others that a lot of the responses on this thread have been inappropriate. Yes it's AIBU but I think it's fairly clear there's something more going on. When my baby was newborn I was tormented by thoughts that he would die. Was that a reasonable/realistic thing to think? No but it felt real to me and was very upsetting. I hope even in AIBU I'd have received sympathetic responses. But because the OP's thoughts are about masturbation it's game for a laugh.

Anyway, OP - I agree with others to see your GP. If you don't feel comfortable telling them the nature of the thoughts then just explain that they're bothering you. I'd mention the context of your previous abusive relationship too as it does sound like that could be relevant.

Anxiety is not unreasonable, the op fucking knows how she feels isn't reasonable, have you actually read her posts?

What a strange post.
What does it matter if he masturbates? Oh will do it sometimes if I am asleep, awake and too tired for sex, sometimes I will do it alongside him, sometimes just be a cheerleader on the side whispering dirty in his ear- it's just part of the rich tapestry of sex.

Maybe I'm reading the OP wrong.
Here's what I got.
OP.
I'm worried because I'm having invasive thoughts, they happen to be about my DP.
They are now severely impacting my life.
I'm embarrassed about it am I normal.

Not eurgh sex or eurgh wanking...

This isn't Chinese virgin magic P woman
Op, this is a mental health issue. You must talk to the gp about it, even if it's embarrassing

OP you need help and I mean this in the kindest way possible.

It sounds like your previous relationship and the angst surrounding that, is impacting on your current relationship - I think some counselling would help. This isn't about your husband masturbating beside you when he thinks you're asleep, this is generalised anxiety manifesting itself in that way. Almost as if you are willing your current, good relationship to fail. Go and talk to someone professional, you don't need to live your life trapped in a cycle of intrusive thoughts.

It is English. If you can't understand that, that may reflect your narrow mindedness about the language. Which is not entirely surprising in the context.

Anxiety doesn't always need medication. Therapy can be equally effective and the therapy for this type of anxiety is particularly well evidenced.

My dh doesn't want next to me in bed or in front of me unless we are engaged in sex. It's highly triggering for me because of abuse and he knows that and respects that.
Could you tell him that it causes you anxiety and you would prefer he did it elsewhere? And yes seek help.

Wank not want. Grr

Right, she needs help I get it she's still being unreasonable though. May I point out that's the question she asked not do I need help. I did point out that she needed help AND she's being unreasonable on more than one occasion. I do feel sorry for her. But you know who else has my sympathy, OP's dh. He's done nothing wrong, he's not even masterbating near her yet she lies awake at night for nearly 2 years trying to catch him out. That imo is the definition of unreasonable and she hasn't sought help that too is unreasonable.
I've said my piece, I'll leave you all to pussyfoot around the OP's unreasonableness.

Off you fuck then :)

Chipsahoy that's the thing, he isn't wanking in the bed.

God, MN is full of some right dickheads lately.

This place is becoming less enjoyable by the day.

Fucks sake.

OP isn't doing anything to her DP!
Anything.
DP is not wanking next to her.

Her mind is doing something that is magnifying wanking next to her and making it feel like it's either a foregone conclusion or the worst that could happen.

There is no blame to be laid at anyone's feet.

I can why your user name is bastard tbh. I guess that proves the point of when someone shows you who they are...

I understand ,your worried and stressed and this is how it is coming out....I have the Same problem, I worry that we haven't done enough homework and that my ds is behinned at school...I expect the teacher to tell me that every time I walk past her....stress is horrible ...

I just seem to like the adrenaline of waiting

So is this some sort of fetish? You are turned on by the thought of catching him having a wank?

Hi op this sounds like ocd please pop along to your gp for support they will help you don't feel ashamed

I don't know what's going on in OPs mind but I can understand feeling like this. 'My husband doesn't fancy me any more, if he has a wank when I'm lying next him that'll prove it' sort of thing. I think there's 3 separate issues here.
First is - he wouldn't be behaving badly if he did have a wank, unless he knows it would upset his partner.
Second is, OP is not stupid or behaving badly in worrying.
Third is, OP won't solve problem with what she's doing at the moment. I think she needs some reassurance from her husband, but maybe a visit to her GP as others have suggested is the way forward.

Just because he has a tug, does not mean he does not want you.

It is his body and, the fact is you cannot stop him from doing it, married or not.

This post made a nice change from talking about the EU! Do you think maybe you're a little turned on by the thought of catching him? Or does it gross you out?