Pretending to be asleep to see what DH will do.

[pinksugarmouse]

So I pretend I'm asleep to see if DH will masturbate, I don't know why - it triggered when I had HG and was too ill for sex, he's never actually done anything in all these times but I lay there stiff as a mouse and each time he moves my heart starts thudding so hard like 'here we go' till sometimes I have to pretend I've had a bad dream because I actually cannot breathe.

No it was to half the thread lego

It sounds like OCD to me, especially the compulsive checking nature of it, the rush of adrenaline, the 'dark' nature of the thought. A lot of people with OCD have unwanted intrusive obsessions about sex or related to sex in some way, because OCD thrives on the taboo and this kind of secret thinking.

I wish people wouldn't be so vicious though.

And to all of you being vicious another reason people can be so terrified of this kind of thing is because of a history of sexual trauma so think beyond your own lack of experience of mental distress before you start calling people weird, controlling or telling them they need to grow up ffs!!

As long as he's not wanking in the aisles of Tesco then yabvvvu.

Op I have had exactly this too, I think people are being very harsh in their responses.

How is your relationship outside of this? There were many other issues in the relationship I had this in and I had some unresolved issues that then began to manifest in this way.

OP ignore people here, they don't understand it because they don't recognise the kind of thought patterns you can get with OCD.

I agree with the OP, it does sound like OCD is a serious possibility. Could you speak to your Doctor? You don't need to tell then the nature if the thoughts if you don't want. Focus on the fact you are getting unwanted / intrusive thoughts.

Have you had this kind of thing before? Not about your DH specifucally, but your brain tormenting you with things you don't want to think or compulsions yo check things

I'm confused do you want him to do it or not?

To the rest of you, lay off the OP FFS.

Just be thankful your brain doesn't play this kind of torturous game with you. it's not fun I promise you.

Ridiculing someone in mental distress is no different to taking the piss out of someone with a broken leg for walking funny.

Have a word with yourselves.

If you don't have anything constructive to say how about you just don't.

Oops my post above should say

I agree with the PP not OP!

Well she should have posted in relationships or sex or mental health or anywhere else than AIBU. She asked and we answered.

I doubt he'd do it in the bed next to you?! All men wank - what's the problem? It's got nothing to do with you or how much sex you have. He probably just does it when you're out.

Absolute bollocks Lynnm.

AIBU is not an excuse to have a total empathy bypass. Grow up.

If someone mentioned their broken leg in AIBU would it be fair game to ridicule them for being in pain because it's AIBU? No.

No different for mental illness (can't believe I'm having to explain this).

The people on the other side of the screen are real people, it's not a game. You are aware of that, right?

Some vile posts on this thread. Honestly, wtaf has happened to this site.

The OP clearly has some issues surrounded this snd it is causing her a great deal of anxiety.

She is being called weird and controlling and salacious, grubby. and told why shouldn't he have a wank by posters who would gleefully scream to castrate the DH if she had posted that he had actually been doing this.

its quite telling really.

This is a support forum , but it reads like something very different lately.

OP you are not weird or controlling. Do you have anxiety about other aspects of life. In all honesty id be a bit miffed if my dp lay next to me wanking but he isn't doing it so please try and get some help to break this cycle of worry and insomnia. You don't have to tell the gp what thoughts are keeping you awake but maybe a short course of sleeping tablets would break the cycle.

I am aware this is NOT a game however the OP must know what AIBU is like. She asked my opinion and I think she's being unreasonable. If she wanted like minded people to tell her her dh is a pervert then she came to the wrong place. Do I think she needs help? Yes. Do I think she is being unreasonable? Hell yes.

Thank you for the responses, for those concerned about my relationship having problems it really doesn't have any problems, DH is the kindest man I've ever met.

I met him 6 months after I came out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, that man abused me and made me miscarry and cheated on me with my friends. Although I hate him, I also plan scenarios where he apologises to me 😕

Equally, if she's given people's truthful opinions maybe she will go and seek the RL help she obviously needs as most people don't get that worked up that their dh masterbates. Her dh isn't actually doing it but she lies awake and has done for the best part of 2 years to 'catch' him. That's pretty unreasonable in my book.

Well op if you'd said that to start with you may have received more sympathy. You need help to get over that and not whether your dh masterbates which is pretty normal you know.

wtf. I hope you're a troll for your DP sake

its ok to ask for help pink.

It sounds like you have a lot to process from your previous relationship. Some counselling could help you to put that episode of your life behind you.

You need help, that is so weird OP. Don't mean it nastily

This seems like a very odd thing to do. I suspect you are now rather enjoying the sensation and thrill of waiting and it has become a habit you can’t break. I can’t help but it does sound like you may need to go seek help somewhere to break this habit.

Hi Pink, there's something called 'compassion backdraft' where if you've been living in threat and terror for a long time and you are then with someone very kind, it can paradoxically soften your defences so you actually begin to feel the fear you had to suppress while being abused. Compassion Focused Therapy for trauma can be helpful here too. You could talk to your GP but the medical model isn't ALWAYS the most sensitive to trauma, though this is area dependent. I would say something like 'I was in a domestically violent relationship and now I am with a kind man, I am having lots of intrusive thoughts and fears and would like some help with this as it is really affecting my quality of life".

You don't have to live with this fear. I've been there, got help and it got better. This will pass. You've been through a lot and your mind is trying to protect you from further harm, but like all human minds, it is a bit tricky in how it does that from time to time and this has become a problem for you.

Lynn, cop the fuck on in fairness.

Lynn just because it's AIBU it doesn't give you the green light to be as nasty as you like, it's not fight club remember? Neither is it compulsory to post if you don't understand something, a bit of empathy in your personality would be a good thing IMO.

Op, how do you feel about going to the GP?