To want my daughter to tell me her degree results?

[ALaughAMinute]

Results came out on Thursday and although I've asked her several times she wont tell me so I'm beginning to think the worst. Is there anyway I can find out?

I'm so upset.

User is perhaps giving you a personal opinion based on how she felt when her family split up, rather than just being nasty. You asked if you WBU and she gave you her response and an explanation.
You need to give your daughter time to process whatever might have happened, rather than nagging, wheedling or prying the information out of her university.

Wips she hasn't actually said she's not going to tell us. Shes been on WhatsApp all day but has been ignoring our texts since yesterday.

I don't want to be a controlling mother but having supported her through uni for the last three years I am very disappointed that she's not replying to our texts.

Mind your own business, you sound like a blooming nightmare!

She'll tell you when she's ready and if she doesn't then that's her decision. You sound incredibly controlling!

How is wanting to know my daughters results controlling?

What kind of mother would I be if I didn't want to know her results?

Don't call the university. They're not allowed to tell you, and they will definitely think you're a controlling mother.

All you can do is talk to her - not text her - and that conversation should not start "What were your results" but should basically be a gentle, non-intrusive conversation about whether there is something bothering her coupled with reassurance that you love her. If she chooses to tell you, fine, if she doesn't, for goodness sake don't nag her.

I would have been in serious trouble with my parents had I done poorly in my degree. Can she expect crushing disappointment from you given past reactions to things etc?

Of course you're allowed to want to know her results. But if she doesn't want to tell you, it would be appalling to try to sneak behind her back to find out.

I wouldn't tell my parents my degree results, and refused to go to graduation. What they didn't know is that I failed my first year, re sat it, did second year and then dropped out. I didn't tell them because I knew they'd be arseholes to me.

You want to know her results which is fair enough, she doesn't want to tell you at the moment.
So what sort of a mother will you be? Patient or pushy?
What's her father's attitude?

There's a difference between wanting to know and going behind her back to try and find them out! Searching online? Calling the uni?

Have a bit of respect for your daughters wishes!

My bet would be -
disappointing result & doesn't have courage to tell you, or
punishing you for divorce

TBH I think you need to try and find out and address the reasons why she is withholding info from you.

That would worry me more than the degree result.

I don't blame you wanting to know op, I definitely would (and did, with both dcs).
My guess is that she's done very well and wants to enjoy it with just her BF. If she'd done badly I'm sure she would have been in touch for tlc.
I'm afraid you'll just have to sit it out 😊

I was going to phone the uni anonymously, is that so terrible?

She doesn't want to tell you so you plan to callb the uni and see if they can suggest a way for you to find out anyway? Yes, that's really going to help with whatever issues the two of you have right now.

Yes

I'd imagine that if you have sent more than one text and she hasn't replied then she obviously doesn't want to tell you most likely because she hasn't got the result she wanted and is worried about your reaction.
Dd's friend is in the same boat only he didn't tell his parents he dropped out after the first year and having to admit that there is no degree and he didn't tell them he'd dropped out is too much for him to contemplate and so he's avoiding them instead.

Doesn't want to attend the grad = didn't finish.

There was a girl in my year just had one essay outstanding. Didn't graduate. I wouldn't mind but it was one of the more manageable ones. She said she was in a bad place when it was being submitted and then with all the dissertation stuff she just never got round to finishing it. And then she had some bizarre notion that the deadline would be before the grad?? Which was absurd but she never double checked with anyone.

Anyway, it was 4 years down the drain. Just because of one smallish essay. So fuck ups do happen.

Why dont you text her with something along the lines of "you can tell me the result in your own time but whatever it is i am proud of the work you put in and how much you have learned and developed into a fantastic young woman in your uni years"

I think take a step back and let her tell you when she is ready otherwise she will dig her heels in and not say.

I assume she knows both you and her dad would support her should the results not be good? But if the results aren't good she may feel embrassed and like she's let herself down.

Or she's only young so she may be on what's app ( whatever that is ?) talking to friends telling them and hasn't thought of her parents yet.

The uni are highly unlikely to tell you anyway, so I don't imagine it would achieve much. They might also contact her to let her know someone's been trying to access information about her (we used to do this at my old job) so probably not worth it as it could annoy her more.

She'll tell you if/when she's ready.

P1nk I'm trying to sit it out but I'm not finding it easy. I hope you're right about wanting to enjoy it with her bf.

My ex said we should wait for her to contact us and although I agree I am finding it agony.

I work at a university. There is no way I would give out a student's grade to a random on the phone. Or even someone who identified themselves as a parent.

These are adults, it is their business.

I wouldn't contact the uni or anywhere else op. That really would be intrusive (I doubt they'd tell you anything anyway) and probably result in her not trusting you in future.

Then she has one parent with the sense to give her some breathing space.