To want my daughter to tell me her degree results?

[ALaughAMinute]

Results came out on Thursday and although I've asked her several times she wont tell me so I'm beginning to think the worst. Is there anyway I can find out?

I'm so upset.

[blueskyinmarch]

That's brilliant. Well done your DD.

[areyoubeingserviced]

Totally agree with Schwab- I love my mother but there are certain things that I choose not to tell , irrespective of whether it is negative or positive news.
Op, I am glad that you dd has done well, but i get the impression that you are a tad controlling . The fact that you even considered phoning the university to get her
results suggest that you see it as your God given right to know her results.
Whatever you do make sure that you don't tell your dd that you considered phoning the university to get her results. You may well find yourself in the proverbial dog house.

[LazyJournalistsQuoteMN]

Great news op, I'm glad your dd passed. It's a very tense time waiting on the results. Well done to your dd

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Seriously Captain you think it would be weird to worry about your child when their behaviour is out of character and they are avoiding communicating, claiming to not have checked their degree result days after it came out, and normal for the mother to be angry and upset rather than concerned about her child.

Normal to assume that your adult child is avoiding checking their degree result to wind you up?

Normal to focus on your rights rather than try to support your child?

Normal not to phone your young adult child when their behaviour seems strange and they seem distant at a potential crisis point in their life, and to text bomb asking about results instead? Normal to communicate only by text at a time like that and consider phoning your adult child's university to get their results instead of phoning your own daughter?

Normal to be so utterly self involved and never once wonder whether your adult child is alright or whether they are hiding their head in the sand because they think their world is crumbling?

[Vertigo58]

I'm a bit late to the party op but your last post rant before you found out her results really made me chuckle as you are a bit loopy but clearly care about your daughter, glad to hear she did well

[PolitelyDisagree]

I wouldn't call the Uni and I wouldn't send more messages. You need to be patient. I understand wanting to know but don't push her.

[CaptainCrunch]

Way to project schwab, I don't think any of the things you posted and you already demonstrated you're total ignorance of previous posts in the thread, you clearly have your own weird agenda, good luck with that.

[CaptainCrunch]

Your, bloody auto correct

[PolitelyDisagree]

Doh, I missed some posts.
Phew!

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

Oh wow, that's fantastic news! A massive congratulations to LittleLaugh, hurrah!

[DancingDinosaur]

Thats fab. Well done to your dd.

[MrsDoylesTeaParty]

I got a 2:2 and was worried about telling my mum, beforehand she said she was proud of me whatever the result... Well when I actually told her she was really disappointed! She came round but took a few weeks

My partner and all his siblings did tell their parents a result but lied about the specific grade knowing they lived abroad and would never see the certificate! Because they knew they would get hassle from their dad otherwise.

When DS is older I hope he feels he can share stuff like that with me because I really wouldn't mind what he got. Glad she texted OP! And glad you didn't ring..

[blueskywithclouds]

Fwiw I absolutely refused to go to my graduation. I got a 2:1, and was happy with that, but I couldn't bare the stress of a ceremony. I did go as my parents talked me into it but every single photo is me grimacing!
I didn't go to my second one.

[MrsDoylesTeaParty]

bluesky Same here bluesky, I went for my parents but escaped as soon as I could!

[BoatyMcBoat]

Oh clever dd! Well done to her!

[IonaNE]

How is wanting to know my daughters results controlling? What kind of mother would I be if I didn't want to know her results
OP, I know you've learnt the results by now but wanted to say this: you haven't bought a "forever season ticket" to your daughter's life. She is not obliged to disclose everything to you as long as you live. She is an adult.

[MozzieRocks]

I think this all sounds really controlling. I am sure you want to know but you don't have a right to know (even if you did help her financially).

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Mozzie well I 100% disagree with you.

I think it's weirder that the daughter waited to tell.

In the last three years I suspect that university, studies etc has dominated all conversation. Now all of sudden her mum is supposed to turn that off?! It's normal to want to know! Also, I assume OP was brought up with the social niceties to share this type of thing with her nearest and dearest? It's not exactly the results for a test for the clap!

[KC225]

Great news. Wondered if the daughter expected a little more acknowledgement - card, visit with a bottle, a phone call at least. A text on a big day is a bit 'meh'.

[Didyoumeantobesorude1]

Well done to your daughter and to you. Ignore the nastier comments on here. You have been through the stress of a divorce after holding together your marriage until the youngest DC was 18. No wonder some fault lines have appeared in family communications - but these can be rebuilt over time. Maybe this has been a useful experience because it has highlighted that you and your daughter approach things differently. In your daughter's situation you would probably have gone to the nearest public internet point to find out your result as soon as you could! - she seems a lot more laid back. Celebrate your differences and above all celebrate her good result!

[randomer]

I think the period of parenting a kid from about 17 to mid 2O's is tough. Yes I know it is an adult but they still need love and guidance.

I would be interested in hearing what others think. My parents more or less abandoned me when I hit 18 and I floundered about badly.

[Dumdedumdedum]

Congrats to ALaughaMinute's daughter, that's great news!
Gabilan, worried you might be my own daughter, given my tendency to overshare..
Random, it is extremely difficult negotiating the fine line between teenage and adulthood and as a parent, giving love, guidance and support without appearing to be controlling to your child. We try only to give advice when asked, but we are also concerned about what happens to our child - we did bring her into the world, after all, and it wasn't just to abandon her when she reached so-called adulthood. (This article about when the brain is considered to be "fully mature" is relevant, I think: Adult 25.) We don't feel that because we are supporting her financially, that we should have control over her, that way madness lies, but neither would we want to leave her completely to her own devices, feeling she has no emotional support from us. So difficult - I think parenting actually gets much tougher at this stage.

[randomer]

dumde....so do I......

[CaptainCrunch]

Mumsnet is bonkers a lot of the time. Full of "yes you should most definitely monitor your 17 year old dd's phone /facebook /instagram SHE'S A CHILD;!!!" crossed with "she's 18 op, stop being a controlling over invested monster for wanting to know your child is ok". I really do despair of some of the weird "advice" spouted here.

[MrsJayy]

See it was fine you decent result well done her.