To think my husband is a complete c***?

[Whatiswrongwithmykid]

He had a work lunch today. He has said all along that it's a lunch so therefore he will be back this evening. We have kids including a non sleeping baby. He has already been out the past 2 nights. He knows I'm exhausted and at the end of my tether.

I dumped the baby on him at 6.30 am this morning as I just couldn't take it any longer and needed sleep. I told him before he left that I needed him home tonight.

You can guess where this is going can't you! I text him at 5.30 to see if he was finished. He eventually replied an hour later to say he needed " a pass" but wouldn't be too late. Not heard a word since. I'm fuming! I have no help at all, except him. So I've not had a break or any help with the kids since Tuesday night. I'm shattered and I face another night of being up every hour.

Jesus peach. I am a single mother with no help and yes it is hard but I also know how hard it is having a partner who doesn't support you!! And I can tell you the latter is more emotionally draining. Just because it's difficult being single doesn't mean you accept being with an unsupportive selfish prick man!
If you can offer op any help or advice then I really don't think your narrow minded input is needed here..

Sound like you're going through a really tough time op (not impressed with the unhelpful, unsympathetic poster either - they can just bog off!).

Looking after a miserable, non-sleeping baby and other children 24/7 can be exhausting and soul-destroying. You NEED your "partner" to do his fair share and help as much as humanly possibly, including emotional support as well as practical.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this right now

What an unbelievable wanker :( He is treating you in an emotionally abusive manner, telling you you're talking rubbish and telling you he'll take the beating. Serious chat needed when he's home and sober.

I really feel for you OP. What part of the country are you in? No worries if youd rather not say.

I think the suggestion op leave her Dh is just as offensive. Do you know how hard it is being single?

It'd be just like it is now, just as exhausting, because he doesn't take part in the family. So being single will be the same, just without the sheer frustration of having someone there not doing anything when they should.

There is a huge amount of "you must stay" in work social environments it is important

But NEVER have I heard a person say "I need to get home because I have a baby" and seen the reaction of you must stay, it's always such a shame you have to go but family comes first. Well maybe a few arses who don't get the reality behind it but on the whole people understand and say go, go be with your family

To be clear the second someone says "baby at home/kids at home" nearly everyone says go bloody home

I don't think many people would expect you to go to 3 work events in a row if you have small children? ( or any sort of life outside of work!?)

What my heart goes out to you. It's an intolerable situation you must feel very alone and invisible. It sounds to hard.

I know how awful it is being in a relationship where you are going it alone. It's heartbreaking. Time to protect yourself from the endless stream of disappointments.

I agree you should barely give him the time of day from now on. Stop the walking through treacle. Just say to him 'I'm at the end of my tether and I'm considering my options'. Honestly, separating from him may be much easier than this.

Stay in bed tomorrow. Just sleep and breastfeed. He can do the rest.

Then on Monday - get clarify. See a solicitor.

Is there nobody you know off MN that's close by op to have a coffee with maybe just to get out for a while , depression is always made worse by seeing the same four walls some fresh air might benifit your lil one too xx

Is there anyway you can express any milk OP so that Cuntchops can look after your DD tomorrow?

I get how hard it is I was a single mum to 4DC and one of my DC was autistic and I'd just given birth to my 4TH DCbut it was still so much easier to be doing it on my own than it was with a feckless wonder hanging around,if my ex had been on the scene(I left him 4 days before I found out I was pregnant with my 4th)I would have been looking after the 4DC,breastfeeding non stop,looking after him all whilst doing everything else on my own.

It's not always easier with a man around sometimes it's a damn site harder!Like you I had no other help around either.

It's only easier when there are two of you if the two of you are doing it all together
He honestly doesn't sound like he deserves you or your DC.I hope your youngest sleeps for you tonight and I hope you make him look after her on his own tomorrow so you can get some much needed sleep and some much needed I'm sure thinking space.

He has just text " I will take this on the chin to be with new colleagues. That ain't changing".

Op off topic I know but can I suggest getting her reflux looked into more...it can make a baby the most miserable human on earth and I say this as a mum who nearly died (not literally) of sleep deprivation. I felt tortured. My baby woke every twenty minutes and whined and whinged and screamed. Medication sorted it. Not helpful with regard to your dh obviously but you may all well be happier all round if it is what's wrong and she gets medication.

You poor thing xx
Sleep deprivation is one of the worst and he hasn't got a single clue else he'd be helping. Are you able to express some milk for him to give your baby? Will the baby take some formula as an emergency measure?
I would have a bag packed just in case + breast pump , and as soon as he's awake tomorrow morning (or before) cheerily say in a loud voice you have plans for the weekend and it's his turn. Then, having left your phone by the kettle, leave quietly. Just go if you can, book into a travel inn, have a hot bath, sleep and recharge. Get your hair done, buy a new outfit all on his credit card. The next morning breeze back smiling as if nothing had happened, look confused if he starts ranting. Just say that he knew how exhausted you were with no sleep since Tuesday and how you needed to recharge.
Repeat every time he has a night out that wasn't agreed. He will get the message.
If he's expecting a frosty reception he'll get a whole lot more having to cope with babies when hungover. If you can bear to leave the children for 24 hours it might be worth it to get a good nights sleep.
Good luck.

Must add...not happier with your husband! But you and dd

I'd text back "Ok I understand. When we divorce you can spend as much time as you like with your colleagues".

Have a Peach I hear there's a few going spare and you so clearly deserve one for the admirable way you parent.

OP, however, is extremely exhausted and sleep deprived, right now, with a small baby which doesn't settle. The baby's other parent is conveniently never available to tag team with her and seems to have something better to do every single evening. So how about we confiscate your for being an unsupportive muppet, eh?

Pack him a bag, leave it in the doorstep and bolt the door?

They would ask for sure they wouldn't expect it

Work commitments can be gruelling but usually a quick drink at 5.30 shows willing and nobody would expect this of a person with a small child

They will get "no don't go" but they don't miss out on anything if they do

Good idea bake except he'll think it's hilarious.

What a wanker.

Would baby take formula tomorrow, what? Because I think a night in a Premier Inn tomorrow could give your mental and physical health a much needed reprieve. Then you can get the strength to take the next step - kick this idiot to the kerb.

He clearly cares more about his job than you. What happens if you want to swan off for the evening? Who do you leave the kids with? Oh yeah - you can't, as he's got in first. I'd be livid in your position. Tell him not to bother coming home and see a solicitor on Monday.

He's an utter arsehole. Apparently I need to remove my head from my arse. He is obviously very drunk from his texts. He will try to make this out to be me being unreasonable.

I really wanted to hold it all together until the baby was a bit older and I'm back at work, but I really can't.

what this sounds horrible for you. I'd be raging in your shoes. Going forward it's pretty clear you need a change - be it marital counselling or separation. But he isn't being fair to you at all. Being with kids, esp high needs babies, 24/7 is a sanity-killer and he needs to pull his weight. If he doesn't then you may as well be a single mum. for you, it sounds truly shitty right now. All the best.