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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is a complete c***?

363 replies

Whatiswrongwithmykid · 24/06/2016 19:55

He had a work lunch today. He has said all along that it's a lunch so therefore he will be back this evening. We have kids including a non sleeping baby. He has already been out the past 2 nights. He knows I'm exhausted and at the end of my tether.

I dumped the baby on him at 6.30 am this morning as I just couldn't take it any longer and needed sleep. I told him before he left that I needed him home tonight.

You can guess where this is going can't you! I text him at 5.30 to see if he was finished. He eventually replied an hour later to say he needed " a pass" but wouldn't be too late. Not heard a word since. I'm fuming! I have no help at all, except him. So I've not had a break or any help with the kids since Tuesday night. I'm shattered and I face another night of being up every hour.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 24/06/2016 22:13

Fuck that. Don't waste time. I agree he won't be comprehensive enough to understand where you're coming from tonight but tomorrow you give him the kid and you go out for the day and poss a night in a hotel? X

HandyWoman · 24/06/2016 22:14

The time to put an end to this bollox is now.

Flowers for you.

Lonnysera · 24/06/2016 22:14

He's a prick. Ok practical stuff, can you get help in? Cleaner/childminder/mothers help? Anything to get you through this and get you on your feet. It won't always be this way.

Lonnysera · 24/06/2016 22:15

Can you ring his parents?

TheAnswerIsYes · 24/06/2016 22:16

What a wanker. I would text him to not bother coming home. I understand that you want help with baby but he isn't going to be any use tomorrow and he will just upset you further by being a useless arsenal.

pillowaddict · 24/06/2016 22:18

I'm sorry op, he sounds like a selfish arse and you and your lovely baby deserve more. If you could manage at all I'd be tempted to tell him the door was locked, try to get as much sleep as you can and tell him to be back for 7am for childcare or not at all. You are right - even if you were a single parent there would be opportunity for childcare if you worked. It's not good enough for him to get away with this but I fear he needs you to do something drastic to realise this. And make him realise he is throwing away his marriage Sad

TheAnswerIsYes · 24/06/2016 22:18

*arse

#damnyouautocorrect

Numbkinnuts · 24/06/2016 22:20

OP I really sympathise with you on this. My DH was like this when I was SAHM with a toddler and baby. He could just go out when he wanted without notice yet if I had a night out I had to tell him to make sure he was home in time - had no family to help out and didn't have babysitters lined up.

It's like they just carry on as life and responsibilities haven't changed. Now I am back at work full time and the children are teenagers but I would never contemplate going out three nights in a row especially if I had said I would be home.

I also would never just go out after work and not tell DH that I would be late. Really pisses me off.

I hope it all works out. Flowers

notapizzaeater · 24/06/2016 22:20

What a tosser ! Id be ramping up your exit plans.

Hippywannabe · 24/06/2016 22:22

LTB life will be easier on your own

Penfold007 · 24/06/2016 22:22

OP I'm sorry you are in this awful position. He's telling you loud and clear that you and the DCs aren't his priority. Ignore the goady posters Flowers

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 24/06/2016 22:26

You need to tell him to find somewhere else to sleep, tonight. Arrogant wanker.

The way he's speaking to you, I think that, sadly, it really is curtains. He has no intention of changing or of making any effort to help you to feel happier because he has no respect for you.Flowers

NapQueen · 24/06/2016 22:27

Do you have any way of locking him out?

If so, lock the door and tell him to find somewhere else to sleep tonight.

snoringdog · 24/06/2016 22:27

peaches I have been with a man like OPs who brought in money and I have too been a single mum for years with a small baby and barely any money and wow is the latter a thousand times easier. A struggle of course but not nearly as draining.

No comparison.

NeverbuytheDailyMail · 24/06/2016 22:27

I don't think he does care more about his job - cos this isn't about his job. It's about getting boozed up with his pals, it's about putting his wife in her place, it's about proving he can do what he likes, when he likes.

1 night out with pals - totally acceptable
2 nights out - pushing it
3 nights out - yer having a fucking laugh pal!

That last text was unforgivable!

soapydopeybubbles · 24/06/2016 22:29

He is a complete and utter prick OP I'm not surprised that you're at the end of your tether.

Do you want to tell us where in the UK you are? If you're anywhere near me I'd happily come and give you a hand.

Personally I would text him back telling him that when he finally decides to come home the deadlock will be on and he'll find his bag on the doorstep.

Wherewouldibe · 24/06/2016 22:31

I feel for you. Having kids hanging off you all day is fucking draining - I'd much prefer to sit there eating lunch and listening to some bullshit than have a kid cry and whine all day. Fuck me it's enough to make you go loopy. Tell him he is a top cunt and fuck off out for a few hours tomorrow. Just walk round the shops or get your nails done (so you can claw his eyes out in style). When he walks in tonight tell him he needs to help out or you will snap and kill him in his sleep. Honestly I really feel your pain.

Muddlewitch · 24/06/2016 22:40

He is being a complete twat What and what's more he knows he is and doesn't even care. Get out now, he will drag you further down and you deserve much better than that.

Peach I'm a single parent of 4DC, have been since I was pregnant with the youngest and the next two up were toddlers. I also work full time. I still think the husband is being a twat. Being single and on your own is really, really hard. Being in a relationship and still on your own is devastating.

What my youngest was a dreadful sleeper and was bf it was a horrendously draining experience, tired doesn't even come close to describing it. And I didn't have a useless DH to make it even worse by that point thankfully.

If I knew you in RL I would have you all round here both to get you away from this excuse for a man and to give you a break from the DC so you could sleep. I would do that without a second thought for someone I didn't even know well to be honest, as I know how hard it is. Yet the twat who is supposed to care most about you and the DC and who lives in your home can't be bothered to do even that. He is a cruel man and not worthy of you.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 24/06/2016 22:40

Has he said you need to remove your head from your arse?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 24/06/2016 22:43

That would be the end for me.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it's crap.

But, you ARE strong & the best thing you can do for the kids is to stop feeling upset & get even more angry, really really angry & use that to get you through chucking the bastard out.

He's not just being a thoughtless twat, he's way worse than that. There's nothing you can say or do that will evoke change in someone with that attitude.

You & the children will be happier without him bringing you down like this.

I know it's easier said than done, but if he had text me those things, I'd put the chain on the door (or call a lock smith), text him 'deal beaker - I'm done. Don't come back here tonight, you can pick up a bag of stuff tomorrow. Call me to arrange a suitable time'.

...and the hardest part - mean it

You can do this.

Sallystyle · 24/06/2016 22:46

Can you ring his parents?

And say what? Hmm

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do Thanks

lill72 · 24/06/2016 22:47

This is unacceptable. You poor thing OP this is not fair.

So feel for you

You need tl leave him in charge all of tomorrow while you sleep. You may need to be with baby but apart from this rest. You need to force this issue.

AShadowLurkingInTheShadows · 24/06/2016 22:56

Ltb. What an utter dick!!

Primaryteach87 · 24/06/2016 22:57

I'd be very tempted to lock him out. You'd feel calmer and take back some control in the situation and maybe he'd realise the seriousness of the situation.

PansOnFire · 24/06/2016 23:12

What an arsehole! For that text alone I'd be out of there and I don't say that lightly.

Seriously OP, having a baby is hard enough without dealing with this crap from him. When you look back on your DD's babyhood you don't want the memories to be filled with the times when your 'D'H behaved like this and you felt down and alone. You should leave him and be happy with your DD on your own. Being a single mum is much easier than being a married mum who is completely disrespected by her husband.

You and your DD deserve better, tell him you've had enough and I'd start by putting his things on the doorstep and locking him out. Make sure he's got access to the car or shed or somewhere to shelter but apart from that he can sort himself out. Then plan something for you and DD tomorrow - a walk, the beach etc so that you can have some headspace away from him. Tell him you're finished and don't let him back in.

Good luck OP, you and your DD are worth more than this.