To think my husband is a complete c***?

[Whatiswrongwithmykid]

He had a work lunch today. He has said all along that it's a lunch so therefore he will be back this evening. We have kids including a non sleeping baby. He has already been out the past 2 nights. He knows I'm exhausted and at the end of my tether.

I dumped the baby on him at 6.30 am this morning as I just couldn't take it any longer and needed sleep. I told him before he left that I needed him home tonight.

You can guess where this is going can't you! I text him at 5.30 to see if he was finished. He eventually replied an hour later to say he needed " a pass" but wouldn't be too late. Not heard a word since. I'm fuming! I have no help at all, except him. So I've not had a break or any help with the kids since Tuesday night. I'm shattered and I face another night of being up every hour.

He won't care if I freeze him out.

I've told him I don't want to be in the marriage, he disregards it and tells me I'm talking rubbish.

Can you g anywhere for a few days?
Visit family or friends
Can you get ready tonight and just leave in the morning and not bother telling him until he's awake and wondering where you are
Tell him you need a break and will be dropping the kids off with him soon while you go and and think about your marriage

I'm so sorry. Please take care of your own mental health. You do not need him or his constant stream of disappointments.

Do you have a good network of friends, even if you don't have family? When are you back to work?

Tell him his beating will be delivered by the solicitor you're currently hiring, his stuff will be on the doorstep and the door will be locked.

Kick him out, take him back if you want but he seriously needs a fucking wake up call the selfish cunt.

In other news peach you keep popping up and you're always a fucking miserable unhelpful pain, FOTFOSM

So do something about it. He isn't listening to stop talking.

OP, your H is, at the very least, not taking you seriously. At the very worst, he has no respect for you. Either options or anyway on the spectrum between the two are unacceptable.

The fact that he won't listen to you when you've told him that you aren't happy are appalling. See a solicitor ASAP.

Ok so it's much worse than I thought, I agree you need to boot him out, it's either that or you pay a babysitter to take the children for all the help he doesn't give you and it comes out of his discretionary spending. If he won't help you, you need to pay for help until you have a custody arrangement in place.

Sunshineonacloudyday . yes I am jealous. I didn't have it so easy.

Why is it so hard to look after a baby? try looking after a baby and holding down a full time job. Obviously missing something, please educate me!

Op - lots of people are suggesting you take a break tomorrow. Will that be possible?

YANBU

If you don't want to be in the marriage, and he is behaving like this, why are you still in the marriage?

It's extraordinarily difficult having a new baby. But would the past three days have been any harder if it had just been you and the kids? The added stress of a partner who doesn't step up is taking energy you don't have spare.

If you can't rely on him, don't rely on him. You are enough.

Yanbu. I think you will need to show him you mean business though and not make an empty threat. What a knobber
Hope you're OK.

Peach if you have a full time job then clearly your baby goes to some form of childcare. So you don't have them glued to you 24/7.
I think anybody who has or had a baby that doesn't sleep and is also really miserable when awake will know how hard it is. I can't even have a wee without her crying!

I will dump the kids on him tomorrow but I breastfeed so need to be around at certain times.

YANBU. What a selfish bellend.

I hope you do leave him. Then he'll soon complain. How dismissive of him to not even take your feelings seriously when you tell him you are unhappy in your marriage.

I'd honestly not be there when he returned, just be in a hotel or whatever. And not bother to inform him.

How old is the baby whatis? Has the baby been checked for silent reflux, milk protein intolerance etc? It is so hard dealing with a constantly miserable/screaming baby. Makes you feel like you are losing the plot. Do you think your DH could be staying out to escape a screaming baby? Not that that makes him any less of a cunt.

You should try sympathising with reality.

My first baby was the 24/7 permanently-attached non-sleeping version of baby - you have my absolute sympathy. My second version was the easy, put down and get on with your life kind, and it made me realise why women who've been fortunate enough to only experience this version do not get how unbelievably fucking hard having a baby can be.

I hope you get some time to yourself over the weekend OP and you really have my sympathy - I remember the really dark times. But it will get better.

At the risk of sound trite, my personal coping strategy was to try and find great pleasure in little, achieveable things, such as having tea and toast or washing my hair in a new nice smelling shampoo (the former was far easier to achieve than the latter)

Do you have any friends nearby who could provide any respite?

Hope things get better soon.

Peach, why don't you marry the OP's husband?

Its hard to tell on MN if its just a case of mumtitlement or a case of an individual incapable of coping. I sympathise with the later.

Incapable of coping implies its the mums weakness. This is very unfair. Some babies are really hard and looking after them is utterly relentless - if you haven't experienced a baby like this, you just cannot appreciate how difficult it is. It is not an individual being incapable of coping, it would be any individual not being able to cope alone.

And accusing sleep deprived mums with a lack of support network acopic is somewhere between cruel and downright dangerous.

Please please don't expect him to do childcare tomorrow - it's not fair on the children.

My DH goes on benders like this - he is absolutely unable to do anything the day after and would have left very very young children completely abandoned whilst he was unconscious.

Yes yes, make your point and make sure you get some time. But please don't leave your children in the care of a hungover, probably still drunk person.

Baby is 7 months. She is a wonderful gorgeous girl but very demanding. She wants to be held or next to me the whole time. She will scream if put down but be all smiles as soon as I pick her up. She is a bit refluxy but I don't think that's the problem. She is just very clingy.

Husband gets home just as she is going to bed so no he isn't trying to escape a screaming baby. I do the nights alone. He sleeps in another room.

No close friends nearby. I'm struggling with anxiety and am a bit depressed too I think ( bereavement/ small kids/ marriage issues) so am finding life a bit miserable right now.

YANBU. You both made this baby so why is it always you left holding her.

And his smug attitude to lying to you isn't helping.