From what you've written here about your DH, he's going to behave appallingly in a break up.
I think you need to plan very carefully, factoring in every bad behaviour he could do. You cannot stop him being a tw*t, but you can accept he's going to behave like a selfish vindictive tosser, and cover yourself and the children as much as possible.
Don't start telling him your plans until you can put them into action. He's exactly the kind of tosser to see this as a kind of battle where if he can screw you as much as possible, that means he's a 'proper man' and has 'won'. All his language now shows that he is already behaving like this.
Sorry I don't want to sound so doom and gloom, but I see it on here so much, when the woman just assumes their soon to be ex must have some kind feelings in him somewhere, or that he has some principles and finer feelings, or it just seems ridiculous that someone would spend all this time and money on indulging their nastiness for no real purpose beyond meting out destruction and dominance and hatred. It always seems so, well, illogical. But it happens.
What your husband is doing right now shows exactly the right traits to behave in this way:
- no humanity, respect or empathy, to you
- trivialising your needs, and the language of nagging, taking it on the chin, taking one for the team etc is disgusting.
- Pretending you are in competition with his career, so he can put you off and be the big man by pushing away your silly little asks ... and you being a negative force on his success outside the home
- or any sense of parental responsibility or caring towards his children
- certainly not any ability to put his children's needs above his own desires
He's only going to get worse, especially if any of his ego rests on showing off his model family?
Please don't be daunted, just be smart and plan plan plan. You can do this, and the more you expect shittiness off him, the less he will effect you. 