To think my husband is a complete c***?

[Whatiswrongwithmykid]

He had a work lunch today. He has said all along that it's a lunch so therefore he will be back this evening. We have kids including a non sleeping baby. He has already been out the past 2 nights. He knows I'm exhausted and at the end of my tether.

I dumped the baby on him at 6.30 am this morning as I just couldn't take it any longer and needed sleep. I told him before he left that I needed him home tonight.

You can guess where this is going can't you! I text him at 5.30 to see if he was finished. He eventually replied an hour later to say he needed " a pass" but wouldn't be too late. Not heard a word since. I'm fuming! I have no help at all, except him. So I've not had a break or any help with the kids since Tuesday night. I'm shattered and I face another night of being up every hour.

Mine pays half. It's both parents' responsibility, after all he can't provide cc either....

Maintenance is assessed on income of non resident parent. How you use it is up to the resident parent. You can have a family based arrangement though where fees or clothing are paid for.

I use mine for wine, fast cars and gigolos. Pretty much the same as every RP according to the NRP tbh.

I calculated he would have to pay me about £700 a month, based on him having kids 1 or 2 nights a week.

I'd need at least double this to even pay the mortgage. Mortgage is much less than rent would be here(SE).

I dont know much about this as I've never divorced but would you get more money if you split whilst on maternity leave as your income is lower? I think you need to speak to a solicitor but I don't see that your marriage is salvageable or why you'd even want yo stay with such a twat.

'I could have killed the kids' - figure of speech.

Re your mortgage and his contribution. Is it manageable? Can you scrape by? My DM did this. Otherwise how about downgrading on your home so you have more financial breathing space? Does he know he's out on his ear yet?

I'm about £800 short without factoring in food, petrol etc so no it isn't manageable.

We would have to sell this house. But then rent around here is more than our mortgage - how do people do it?

I've told him and we are avoiding each other. Think he thinks I'm sulking.

No idea what your income is but I couldn't have survived as a single parent without tax credits and maintenance payments aren't included towards your income. This may have changed with universal credit. 70% of my nursery fees were also covered by them. I hope things get better for you soon.

Look on entitledto.co.uk and see what you'd get.

I would echo the posters suggesting you look into the reflux a bit more. My dD had silent reflux, and it didn't really have any symptoms apart from screeching when she was laid down. It's basically acid heartburn and when you pick the baby up the acid stays in the stomach and there's no problem but when it lies down the stomach acid comes into the eosophagus and hurts like anything.

I also live in a very expensive part of SE and am confused. If you are earning enough that you wouldn't get any tax credits, and would get £700 a month from STBXH, you should be able to pay rent or a reasonable mortgage. Is your house bigger than your needs? Could you downsize house?

You really need to see a solicitor asap.

It's possible you could get a mesher order so he would have to keep his name on the mortgage until youngest child is 18 (even if you downsize) and he may also have to pay spousal maintenance.

You are tired and aren't thinking straight. This man has no interest in family life whatsoever, you really think he will want your DC overnight 2 nights a week?

Oh, and once he realised you hold all the cards and his cushty set up is about to end, be prepared for the "I want 50/50" shite. They all say it, and very few mean it especially selfish cunts like your DH

Well you can negotiate your maintenance agreement. He could continue to pay half the mortgage after all the equity and mortgage are shared debts and shared liabilities...

Definitely look into entitlement, I believe it will be more than you think. A free chat with a solicitor is not binding, nobody needs to know, yet it will give you proper Information and details that you can use to ponder any decision. Check the entitledto website too. A friend of mine also got 70% childcare paid via childcare benefit, you never know, don't assume numbers and get the information through the proper channels. I'm sure you will be relieved if you decide to go ahead.

consider an au-pair instead (£500ish with food/room?) or a live-in nanny (£1000??), assuming that you are worried about London nursery prices, which I heard are about £1300/child. Or maybe move to another area? If I had a room, I'd probably have a nanny, lots cheaper when you have more than one in nursery. What ages are they? Remember that at some point in the next three years one of them is likely to go to school and hence reduce your costs. Also, 3 year olds get 15h of funding (£165 per month in my nursery, over the whole year) and the government wanted to extend these hours to 30 next year. Your food shopping is likely to cost less too.

Ok so entitled to says I would get around £1200 a month in tax credits?!?! That's seems a lot?

Without giving away too much I earn a tad over 2k a month, mortgage on a 3 bed terrace is £1600. Wouldn't get anything cheaper where we are, and rent would be around 2k a month. I'd have to move very far away to buy anywhere cheaper and then my travel for work would go up.

£1200 a month doesn't seem too high if you have high childcare costs

Wow! I had no idea. I mean it will certainly change things. But it does seem like a huge amount of money.

I've had friends who've had much worse mh than you including 24 suicide watch who've gotten full custody - he's being a dick. I'm appalled he could put ear phones in and ignore the baby. If you had 50/50 custody, you'd only have to pay for childcare on your days, as you would only need it for the days you had them.

Yes I think that would be correct if you would need max childcare allowance. So many women are trapped in unhappy marriages and just haven't checked what they would be entitled to.

I still think you would be wise to see a solicitor. Many will provide 30 mins advice free of charge and will have knowledge of recent outcomes at YOUR local courts (bizarrely they do vary)

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

I'm glad you'd be entitled to more than you'd thought. I think you should see a solicitor too. He is an utter waste of space for you.

That should give you a bit of comfort that you can do what you have to do.

So a man who can't even be bothered to come home for 3 nights in a row because mixing with colleges is important and other opportunities are presenting themselves to him, is going to go for custody. Like fuck he is. Wanker.

I'm getting angry at him and I have no idea who he is.

I hope you can sort this out for you OP and I hope those figures are correct. You would be so much better without this selfish prick around and he would nearly all the free time he wants. Win win.

His response to you tells you all you need to know. He has no regard for you. You know this by his actions already, but if you were looking for further reasons, someone who respects you wouldn't have responded in the way he did

The resentment of having a partner who could be a part of family life but chooses not to, will destroy you. On your own you know what the score is

Those figures do sound about right with childcare, as pp said.