Disabled/baby change

[Babyred457]

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

Amazed I have only read twice that for all she knew you could have been disabled. I have a disability and have a baby, I do not "look" disabled in any way. Her actions would cause some really severe and likely self-harming responses on my end.

I don't think what she did was acceptable. I agree some of the comments on here are unbelievable though. I'm going to believe OP that this situation is true, whether thats naive or not she sounds genuine to me.

Having the lockers in there is the problem and it's utterly ridiculous, but surely that's so people who aren't very mobile can get stuff in and out. And they are aware that someone else may need to use the room.

In this instance that woman would have had a screaming fit at me, who really needed the room also. Would I then have to start a "who is more disabled" row? Curious to know what people would expect. I'd be in no fit state to politely tell her that I also needed the room and would likely end up cowering in a corner unable to unlock the door due to her actions. Being disabled isn't an allowance to be aggressive. In any case OP gave her the room even though she technically had a right to be in there as it's labelled a family room. I don't think OP deserved a torrent of abuse especially with a small child.

Why two perfectly abled parents need a room to themselves to dress a baby I have no idea. Family changing rooms, parent and child parking spaces, buggy spaces on buses etc are a bit of a bonus and a nice convenience but not a necessity.

Trying get changed at the pool, get on a bus, walk from the car to the supermarket, take a shit in a public toilet with a baby in tow is NOT the same or even remotely comparable to doing those things when you have a disability.

Low carb

I know, Paul.
How very dare those nasty disabled people, eh?

Being disabled isn't an allowance to be aggressive.

But what if it was part of the disablity?

What if this woman was confused from dementia or something?

What if this woman was confused from dementia or something?

Or perhaps didn't understand social norms.

That doesn't make one disability more important than another however.

Noone is sayign being aggressive is acceptable. posting about a disabled woman on mumsnet isn't.

Oh don't start that nonsense Brennan. I made no derogatory comment about disabled people.

Low carb

Oh

I don't think OP is a troll but poor show to name change to post this.

I completely understand why someone would name change. Look at the responses!

Yes it is Purple

I bet if the OP didn't name change then there would certainly be less people doubting the thread.

I completely understand why someone would name change. Look at the responses!

Why would they post it at all if they knew the responses?
Apoart from the obviouse easy bun fight thing.

It's a weird thread to begin with.

Surely if you'd been on here a while you would know how these threads usually go?

And why post it in AIBU? Especially when you don't normally frequent the section.

Nope.
You didn't.
But it's us as a community who are pissed off with disablism and a complete lack of moderation. People are allowed to name change to post all kinds of inflammatory garbage pitching parents against disabled people in times where disability hate crime is the highest it's been for years, anti disability rhetoric is everywhere all over the media (plus tying disability into all the benefits hatred), disabled people out in the community are facing nasty comments even from so called friends and family.

It's become 'fun' to make disabled people's lives a misery. In RL and on here.

We've had enough.

Because people should be able to post something without people automatically insulting them just because they posted about someone who is disabled being rude to then.

Oo, i know, i know!!

I cant answer though or i'll get deleted again :(

Paul. This thread has not been posted in a vacuum.

Because people should be able to post something without people automatically insulting them just because they posted about someone who is disabled being rude to then.

Why?

If disabled people posted every time someone was rude to us the boards would be frigging full!

@BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts

Its okay, hq understand why we are upset as one of their staff is deaf.

Hi Beyond,

We are looking at this thread and many many others at the moment and yes, KatherineMumsnet is deaf and is dealing with this thread right now.

We do try our best to get to things quickly but we also like to do things properly and that can take some time. We know it can be frustrating, we are trying our best.

We do think it is uncalled for to make personal comments like this about a member of our team when we are trying our best to make this a better place for all, we may not always get it right but we are giving this as much of our time as possible.

Apologies that we aren't as quick off the mark as you, and we, would like but can you please remember that we are all human beings trying our best to help.

Katherine, please accept my apologies - i did not realise it was you that was referred to the other day in the "we understand disability, one of our staff members is deaf" comment, it was not intentionally aimed at you. I can see how, without knowing it had been said elsewhere by mnhq, it can look very inappropriate.

It's okay Rebecca and Katherine

@BishopBrennansArse

Toads - that was a Mnhq response to asking if they understand what the issues are.

Apologies Bishop
The way the mailing systems works is that all reports come in to one mail box. If we have an influx of reports for one thread, as we did for this one, we have a look through the thread as best as we can and remove any posts that break our guidelines and look at the reason for the reports. We do read the reports but quite often, and in this case, the reports were all fairly similar so we gave this thread some attention and zapped the offending posts and then sent a mass reply.

We did not read your specific report. Apologies for that, we are trying to get to things as quickly as we can and sometimes it is not possible to personally reply to every report. If you have a specific question or complaint then please do reply or email [email protected] and we will happily take a look.

Generally, if we only get a handful of reports from one thread, we will reply to each one personally.

Jason I understand completely but it doesn't mean people have to just cope with it. Not when it's aggression. Anything else is no problem but shouting and banging on a door, intimidating someone? It's not something people can just let go, even able bodied ones.

And at the same point "what if she wasn't even disabled, just elderly" or "what if OP was disabled" or "what if it was me and she had caused injury due to her actions" or "what if the baby was disabled". There's many things people could "what if" about.

I don't think the OP was "disabled bashing" and I don't think someone should have to avoid seeking help on a thread and walk on eggshells just because the woman claimed to be disabled. There definitely are some awful posts pitting able bodied against disabled but fail to see how this is one of them.

I do agree that some of the posts from people are awful though but I don't think that's OP's fault.