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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 22/06/2016 16:17

Can't get my head round the need to name change if someone rarely looks at the ABIU threads. If you don't look at them, then why feel the need to change your name? What possible reason would you have to be too frightened to use your name, after all, it's not as if you know there has been angry posters on similar threads? Hmm

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 16:18

s just because the woman claimed to be disabled.

If she existed. If we are to take the Op at her word we need to take this woman at hers.

crazywriter · 22/06/2016 16:18

NBU at all. She was and very rude. It would have been nice if the hotel had separate changing rooms but there is no legal need, as long as there is disabled access.

She should have just waited her turn. Would there have been a problem her stayang in the pool that little longer to wait for you to finish? As you say, she could have seen you that's what I would have dine if needing it for my girls. What would she have done if it was another disabled person or one of you were, as well as needing it for you son.

Some people really grate me thinking the world revolves around them.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 16:19

I understand completely but it doesn't mean people have to just cope with it. Not when it's aggression. Anything else is no problem but shouting and banging on a door, intimidating someone? It's not something people can just let go, even able bodied ones.

So the best thing to do about it, is to name change and post on AIBU?

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 16:21

"Some people really grate me thinking the world revolves around them."

Yep, this is the kind of charming reply that a thread like this incites.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 16:22

Some people really grate me thinking the world revolves around them.

Indeed they do.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 16:22

Jason I didn't mean 'claimed' in the sense that she may possibly not be. I am overly literal, it's part of my own issues. I wasn't trying to insinuate anything. I meant it as she literally claimed to the OP thay she was disabled, as in, those are the words she shouted "I am disabled"

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 16:25

Also I don't understand the NC either, but posting on here is venting for many people and I can't see why it shouldn't be allowed just because it's regarding someone who is disabled

crazywriter · 22/06/2016 16:27

That comment wasn't at anything on here but the woman mentioned in the OP. It was also in general of peiple whi think the world revolves around them. If there is offense taken from that one comment well...says more about the person offended IMHO. Hmm far too many people look too much into one bloody comment.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 16:29

So, wanting to use the facilities that have been provided by law for you is "...thinking the world revolves around them."

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 16:31

Oh behave yourself.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 16:32

So, wanting to use the facilities that have been provided by law for you is "...thinking the world revolves around them."

Now now Beyond stop being so selfish.

Wink
NavyAndWhite · 22/06/2016 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 16:33

Fucking hell. There we go OP you got the diamond post there. Well done, achieved your aim.

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 16:33

I explained in the first post why I name changed. I have told a couple of real life friends what happened, because it upset me. They are MN users. I don't want them connecting me on this post with my entire posting history. That's the reason most people name change isn't it? What's so hard to understand?

Most of the threads in Aibu seem to concern someone or other being rude to the poster so I don't see why I am being so heavily criticised for posting a thread about it.

There have been some useful suggestions from some posters about trying to change things so this sort of situation doesn't crop up again but it will do as long as baby facilities are placed in disabled toilets and changing rooms. What should I do in future, go round every person in the pool and check whether they are disabled before I use the room? And to posters saying you don't need a changing table, no I could probably just about manage with putting DS on a towel on the floor but why should I when facilities have been provided?

OP posts:
WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 16:34

Beyond... But "what if" OP was disabled. This lady did not know that. Her illness was invisible how was OP to assume she was disabled before she entered? Then she would be screaming at someone who also wanted to use the facilities created for them also.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 16:37

Beyond... But "what if" OP was disabled. This lady did not know that. Her illness was invisible how was OP to assume she was disabled before she entered? Then she would be screaming at someone who also wanted to use the facilities created for them also.

Explain to her that she was also disabled and as a result needed to use the disabled changing rooms?

However I know that's not always possible.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 16:37

Wanting to use the facilities would be knocking and saying "I need the changing room, regardless of how rude/blunt" however banging and screaming is the main point of this post. It's clearly rocked OP and could have severe effects on others in that situation. The lady simply assumed OP was not disabled.

crazywriter · 22/06/2016 16:37

Ffs wanting to jump ahead of others who have a right to be there is thinking the world revolves around them. The woman had no idea of the needs of the op and her family. She expected them to vacate for her. Now if there were no baby changing in there and the family used it for comfort and ease the woman would have had ever right. But the hotel had it has dual functionality so she should have waited. That one line has been taken out of context of my whole post.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 16:37

Or failing that, just ignore her?

I have ASD and end up ignoring people if I don't know how to engage.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 16:37

Toads That's as possible as the lady in question simply saying that to OP in the first place

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 16:38

I realise that would come across as rude to some people though Blush

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2016 16:39

Rebecca, sorry to hijack the thread but when you get a minute, please could you revisit this thread?

I think a lot of people are sick to the back teeth now of the name changing for dubious reasons, and all the user1448448202s that get so confusing.

A topic where name changing is banned would be most welcome.

Thanks Flowers

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 16:40

I do so many things that come across as rude, and honestly I do think that's acceptable especially ignoring. It's just the violent banging and shouting especially around a child. It's not ok.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 16:40

I havent said the woman was in the right.
What i have said is that everyone slagging her off for her behaviour is in the wrong (including op). Not the same thing at all.