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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 15:39

Probably not. But possibly a ban for trying to fight back against disablism. I've not attacked a single person, either. Questioned posts, stances, but not attacked anyone.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 15:40

But it's ok for non disabled posters to derail threads.
Message received and understood.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 15:40

What we all can do with is support and open discussion free from attack.

RandyMagnum Wed 22-Jun-16 13:40:06
I would have just said; "fuck off you cunt", and closed the door on her face.

Is this not inciting hate / an attack?

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 15:40

Its okay, hq understand why we are upset as one of their staff is deaf.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiffleTheIntrovert · 22/06/2016 15:40

"What we all can do with is support and open discussion free from attack."

Disabled people could definitely do with that, sadly I feel MN is no longer this place. This thread just confirms it. So bollocks to the new policy against disablism mentioned on the site thread.

I'm really disappointed tbh.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 15:41

Yep, course they understand completely.

I reckon some of us should take HQ staff on a field trip with everyone in wheelchairs and see how they get on.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:42

Its okay, hq understand why we are upset as one of their staff is deaf.

Is that a serious post or a taking the piss post?

Sorry, I can't quite tell Blush

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:43

I'm grease

There is some grease on my oven tray but I can't be bothered to wash it.

Which is a shame because I wanted some chicken nuggets Sad

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:44

I'll have a custard cream instead.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 22/06/2016 15:45

I feel like threads like this are super twatty - what's the point?

Are you such a weak baby that you need mumsnet condemnation towards this poor woman who desperately needed the disabled changing room?

I have to also add I feel the same about all the other threads like this but on less emotive topics. Inciting people to throw mud and talk shit over some minor one-sided story is just sad.

HerRoyalFattyness · 22/06/2016 15:46

This thread has annoyed me. People should understand why some people may become distressed and act in a way that isn't the norm. It's 2016, surely we should have a bit more understanding.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 15:46

Toads - that was a Mnhq response to asking if they understand what the issues are.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 15:46

Should we turn this into a EU thread?

Pagwatch · 22/06/2016 15:47

Golly, I'm sad I stayed at home today. I might have encountered an extraordinary situation involving disabled people being forced to share their hard earned facilities with parents and could have come back to Aibu knowing that it's a topic unlikely to distress people.
Because people dealing with disability have just such a peachy time they will enjoy the distraction,
And of course, debate and discussion is important.

I've wasted my day instead reading about cunts on the Internet.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 15:47
PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/06/2016 15:48

People have chosen to turn this into a fight over disability and people being disabilist. The reality is the op posted about someone being bloody rude to her. Then people jumped in and attacked her for daring to do so. Yes the changing rooms should have a separate disabled cubicle, but it didnt. Not the op's fault.

Honestly, sometimes on here people just go looking for a fight and someone to pick on

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:48

Should we turn this into a EU thread?

Oh God, no! 😱

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 15:48

"Inciting people to throw mud and talk shit over some minor one-sided story is just sad."

It is, isnt it. Pathetic.
And all the worse that the other side is a "protected" (hahaha) minority group.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:48

Honestly, sometimes on here people just go looking for a fight and someone to pick on

I would agree with this sometimes.

Not this time though.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 15:50

Toads, does my latest post make the one before any clearer? Grin

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:50

Besides I'd much rather we started talking about our favourite biscuits or emojis or something...

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 15:50

Personally I like custard creams.