Disabled/baby change

[Babyred457]

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

If people (in general, not just op) were a little more aware of the everyday monotonous fight of being disabled, perhaps they wouldnt automatically use the babychanging facilities just because they are there.
Maybe parents wouldnt automatically stick their buggy in the wc space just because they can.
Maybe people who work in planning would design level access and wide doorways.
Maybe school teachers wouldnt put up the craziest displays they can think of.
Maybe shopping centres wouldnt play loud clangy music all day every day.

Maybe we wouldnt have to constantly educate people as to why there could be a problem if people just thought outside the box.

It's not. However the swimming pool staff also then need to make sure that everyone else knows that the baby changing table is only to be used by disabled parents so they don't inadvertently leave their personal belongings in the lockers in there, mistakenly believing that it's a family changing room.

It's the pool's bad planning that is unreasonable. I hate using baby change facilities in disabled toilets because I worry someone with a real need might need to use them.

It's about time public buildings put baby change either in their own room separate to disabled toilets or in the male and female toilets.

Personally, I'd finish up changing the nappy and let them in (probably getting back in the pool to wait). I'd change the baby into dry clothes in the shared facilities using the table, then tag team with DH to use the male/female change rooms for us.

Yes - problem in this case overall space was possibly limited. I used to go to a gym/swimming pool in a hotel and they'd basically crowbarred extra stuff in wherever they could. The ladies changing room was an old squash court for example. The disabled changing room was separate and I don't think there was a baby changing table in the swimming facilities at all. If the facilities are inadequate then the centre need to work with those who need them to find a solution.

I'm not sure what the relevance of displays in school or clangy music in shopping centres has to this case. You can't fix all problems at all times and bringing them into this is surely just clouding the issue?

My point is gardening, that if people thought outside their own bubble, inaccessibility wouldnt happen anywhere near as much.

True - you can't expect people to be psychic though. If someone has a really serious disability like this lady appears to have, then special measures need to be taken by the swimming pool staff to ensure that she's safe and comfortable. Complete strangers can't take that responsibility. They really weren't to know not to use the family facilities because the only other customer there had severe special needs.

You are clearly not understanding my point. Never mind.

Maybe we wouldnt have to constantly educate people as to why there could be a problem if people just thought outside the box.

No, I'm really not. We can only deal with the situation as presented. If you can say where the OP went wrong here then perhaps I could? I've suggested where the swimming pool could be more accommodating with either providing more resources or restricting those they have strictly for this customer.

If you're talking about another situation or just about how life is hard in general for people with disabilities then I'm sure it is and I'm also sure I have no concept of just how that affects you (although I'd try to be considerate of other people's needs). I'm not sure how I can help with that if it's not going to be good enough though.

Well the op could have chosen not to post what was clearly going to be an inflammatory thread, under a name change, in AIBU. That would have been a start.

She could have worked on the not unreasonable assumption that the woman in this situation probably had disabilities which might affect her ability to cope with not being able to access the disabled changing area and been slightly less keen to seek sympathy for having to deal with a person behaving outside what she expected.

She could have spoken to the people at the swimming pool and explained to them that their system sucks.

But hey, it's allowed lots of people to express how supportive they are of people with disabilities. As long as it doesn't cause them any discomfort at all.

Another excellent post pagwatch

It should be law that baby changing stations are in men's, ladies and disabled toilets/ changing rooms. But the disabled one should only be used by disabled parents to change baby on. Separate is the way to go.

Our pool has a moveable changing table so can be used in any changing room.

In fact I think it has a few. They look a bit like ikea plastic kiddie tables but with a dent for baby in it.

I thought the name change was because she didn't want people IRL linking to other more sensitive stuff she'd posted, rather than to "hide" this one?

Genuinely a lot of people are in their "bubble" and wouldn't think first that a lady banging on a changing room door couldn't help it, they'd just assume she was being rude. That's where trying to prevent this sort of situation happening comes in. I think there's need for general provision for people with disabilities, but also something more personal in this case. It was presumably a private swimming pool. Would you think that the swimming pool staff ought to be aware of her needs as an individual and provide a service tailored to her or would you think that is singling her out in a bad way?

If it is proving impossible to enforce the laws that protect society's vulnerable, I don't think adding laws in to enforce that would be possible either Mummy

Our pool also has full size changing beds that go up and down for disabled older children/adults. Three in fact :)
It's a brilliant pool for inclusiveness

I think it's difficult as its hard to for people who don't suffer from a disability (even those who do) to understand every persons individual needs. They may inadvertently cause an issue which they wouldn't have realised would cause distress. Some people especially those with a 4 month old like the OP probably wouldn't be thinking of issues like that as she is so wrapped up in her baby/tiredness etc. I'm not saying that right but as a disabled person myself I'm not fully aware of the needs of individuals that suffer from SEN issues but mumsnet have provided a wealth of information to me, so I do think that education is important.

I agree that people need to perhaps think outside the box, but I think the OP wouldn't have known that the woman was disabled and as soon as she was aware she vacated the room. The problem lies with the establishment for not providing adequate facilities.

Maybe through building regs Alice? I dunno the answer just that some places just aren't disabled friendly.

Marceline as often is the case. The establishment should have given more thought to disabled people and to families. It's obvious that the two will have competing needs. But as often is the case disabled people's needs
-thorntons- are put last.

Mummyme1987 - the full size changing beds sound brilliant. I've seen the little red IKEA type tables. The one I saw was tiny - knee high maybe - and concave shaped.

The council swimming pools near us are generally quite old and don't have much provision (I think one has a hoist thing - technical term ) but the changing rooms are ancient.

Realistically accessibility has to be thought of at the design stage and by training staff. I don't think you're ever going to get the necessary level of awareness you'd like in ordinary members of the public.

Epic fail on the strikethrough!

Maryz I think that's a little unfair, as the OP was using the family changing facility for which she was eligible and seemingly did vacate as soon as she was aware someone who was disabled needed it.

Education is the key.