Disabled/baby change

[Babyred457]

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

But with the greatest of respect HQ, and I use the following purely as an example, mumsnet can have a massive bun fight over whether jam or cream on a scone comes first, and no one will report. So surely if several people are reporting along the same lines, on a specific thread, it's not really a reflex reaction is it?

Mnhq

Again

Actions speak louder than words. Threads have been suspended for less.

MNHQ can you understand that your stance on these recent threads is actually causing more harm than the comments posted in the first place?
You are in a position of responsibility, and have a much louder voice than many of us will ever have. Your lack of action suggests that not only do you not care about supporting those affected by the comments, but that you actually support those making them.

It's sickening. The lip service didn't even last a week!

Alice excellent post

I don't understand why the OP didn't simply change the baby and then she and her husband could have got dressed in the other changing areas?

I have a strong suspicion that lady wasn't simply told that baby needed changing, but told to wait her turn because it was a family changing room and they had as much right to be there as she did. In 'theory' they did, but any 'decent' person would have quickly changed baby and left. However that wouldn't have made a good thread.

Good point PovertyPain .

It's not locked why post and not lock it!

I think it was.

Evening folks. We're going to suspend posting on this thread just while we have a look through our reports and make deletions where necessary. We'll be deleting any posts that are disablist, whether the posters are being deliberately goady or just thoughtless. We'll also zap any PAs or troll-hunting that have been reported, too.

Please bear with us. We know from reading the Site Stuff threads that what people want is not for these threads to disappear entirely as there is often information in them that should be more widely understood, so we're committed to only deleting the posts that need to go when it is possible to do that. This can take some time, unfortunately, so we appreciate your patience.

I started reading and it was locked but then unlocked

Evening again. We've unlocked this thread now so please feel free to continue posting. We would just like to remind everyone to have a look through our talk guidelines. We'll delete any posts reported that break our talk guidelines or that we consider to be disablist, whether that's intentionally so or not.

Yeah

Hi...

So the conclusion of this thread is that people are twats?

This is a difficult issue.

I have an extremely severe physical disability (nerve, bone and muscle damage, total ruptures of all main ligaments, a prosthetic knee joint an pins inside my shin and thigh bones). But it is not necessaily easily noticable to the casual observer. However when I get out of the pool I have (on a good day) the ability to take 5 to 10 steps and stand for a max of 2 minutes (if lucky) - then I need my mobility aids and pain killers and it is very problematic if someone has locked themselves into the disabled changing area and cutting off access to the aids I need.

I can understand if you want to use the mat to change the baby - but does the baby changing table mean it becomes by definition a family changing room and that the disabled person who cannot actually go elsewhere must wait for all members of the family to change?

Well some of those posting definitely are. I've read the whole lot and I can't believe why some people embarrass themselves the way they do. Advocating being violent to this disabled woman? Really?

Well, fortunately the lady with the disability didn't get shouted at because none of the other people who said they would shout at her were there. She successfully accessed the changing room when she wanted to.

Personally if I'd seen a family just go in there to get changed (and I'd definitely have seen them in the pool because they were the only other customers) then I'd have waited in the pool. If I'd had a need to get medication from the changing room I'd have made sure that I got out first, rather than waiting until I saw them go in there and then banging on the door. It's a hotel pool so presumably not that busy and probably has no lifeguard/ staff member on hand.

If I was in the OP's situation I wouldn't be happy to let her in with me and lock the door behind us, especially if that meant DH leaving. I think she did the only thing she could. I'm not sure how she was supposed to know that the lady was going to need those changing facilities at that time. If the OP had arrived second maybe they would have seen one of the lockers was in use?

So there are 3 changing rooms - one M, one F which have just an open changing area and one disabled/with a baby changing table. Other than the changing table it's not clear what additional features are in the disabled/family room. Accessible toilet maybe?

The lockers are inside the changing rooms and the changing rooms are visible from the pool.

Presumably only the disabled one is designed for an individual/family group so when someone goes in they lock the door, preventing anyone else from accessing their things if they put them in one of the 4 lockers in there. You'd have to get dressed in the room you got changed in the first place.

If the lockers were poolside in an area open to anyone then this wouldn't be a problem.

Becuase they don't want to understand.

I think that just about sums it up.

Wait for what though? What was it that she needed?

She's got to 50/60 years old, joined a swimming pool in a hotel, gone swimming on her own, not got (or not obviously got) a carer or staff member keeping an eye on her. And yet she's got a hidden disability that means she doesn't follow social norms, is completely unable to wait, this is the first time this has happened so nothing could have been put in place to prevent it and complete strangers should automatically know this and show understanding by anticipating her needs and not using the baby changing table?

I think if that's the case then somebody's really dropped the ball.

Surely they (the swimming pool) need to find a practical solution that meets all their customers' needs? Telling people not to use the changing room when she's in or something?