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AIBU?

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:55

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:55

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DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:57

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NeedACleverNN · 22/06/2016 19:57

Sorry you have had a shit week Maryz Flowers

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Baconyum · 22/06/2016 19:59

Nobody has said it is okay.

People are saying it isn't right to
1)put the blame on the woman
2)call her a cunt
3)call her a bit mad
4) tell her to fuck off
5) slam the door in her face and make her wait as long as possible

Disabled changing required by law
Family changing not required by law

dillydotty · 22/06/2016 19:59

Surely common sense is that if there is a queue disabled people get priority.

However if the baby is clearly covered in poo and the person with a disability is not in a rush then it would be nice for them to let the baby get sorted first. If the room is occupied you wait. In a reasonable world people wouldn't need to stress about this sort of thing, it's a shame people aren't reasonable.

Obviously the best solution would be to have the baby changing area somewhere else.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 20:00

Aw that's good that he's happy :) My DS is happy too doing his own thing at playgroup. He's very happy to play on his own. He only goes three hours a days and I worry about how he will cope at school all day when he starts.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 20:01

Like it bacon! Flowers

SouthWestmom · 22/06/2016 20:01

Actually I think the NC facility should be with permission only. Too many users and too many grenades chucked into AIBU

I name change if I've done a product test and am posting photos or identifying info.
I might want to name change if I'm worried I need a new name because there's too much attached to this one. But I'd happily ask first.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/06/2016 20:01

You're quite right Maryz, hope the Football goes ok for you.

Baconyum · 22/06/2016 20:01

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Baconyum · 22/06/2016 20:02

'tolerance is also an essential life skill and something many would consider good manners. Not everyone on the thread is currently demonstrating it.' - understatement of the decade! But yes

Baconyum · 22/06/2016 20:04

Absolutely appalled at mnhq's mishandling of this thread!

'We do try our best to get to things quickly but we also like to do things properly and that can take some time. We know it can be frustrating, we are trying our best.'

  • no you're not. Even temporarily taking down the thread while it's reviewed would be a HUGE improvement on your very poor handling of this thread and of disablist posts in general.

There are some truly disgusting posts on this thread even on the first page how the HELL they've been allowed to stand so long is indefensible!

You've admitted you've had an 'influx' of reports, that alone should signify this is not an acceptable thread to leave standing!

Mnhq said they would do something about it, and so far that consists of deleting the posts of the disabled people who are unhappy' - particularly obvious in what and WHO have been deleted first on this thread.

'But it's ok for non disabled posters to derail threads.
Message received and understood.'

'What we all can do with is support and open discussion free from attack.' - but advocating violence against the DISABLED is perfectly acceptable

'The very last thing we ever wish is for anyone to feel unheard, unsupported and let down by us' actions speak louder than words. Several posters who must by now be known to hq as being disabled themselves or having disabled dc/partners have been deleted, disablist posts remain.

I reckon some of us should take HQ staff on a field trip with everyone in wheelchairs and see how they get on. LOVE this idea!!

'Cheers hq, well done on the new disability policy' yep hmmm

' I guess this thread is pretty indicative that things won't change.' Agreed

Very disappointing and depressing.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 20:05

I can't stand that 'I wouldn't allow my child bollocks' either.

FFS if you read my posts properly I never said that. I let my DS be himself!!! I'll still try and teach him manners and rules though but seeing as he is only 3 and has a speech and language delay and has suspected ASD I understand that it might not be as easy as 1, 2 fucking 3. I'm learning along the way.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 20:06

So do the rest if us still teach our kids! Might not happen though.
So glad I'm not the only one that gets annoyed.

NeedACleverNN · 22/06/2016 20:08

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pagwatch · 22/06/2016 20:10

What?

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 20:11

Too right. Power chairs at dawn. You're fucked if you don't have one.
It's in the code...

NeedACleverNN · 22/06/2016 20:11

I've also just noticed my comment was deleted on the first place and I am pretty sure I said nothing wrong!

Confused
fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 20:11

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DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 20:12

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NeedACleverNN · 22/06/2016 20:12

Maybe they could share? Like the op should have?

What if they don't want to? They are entitled to their privacy too

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 20:13

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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