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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:24

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Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 19:25

Tired
Please take the fact the MNHQ have deleted most of your other posts as a big hint to stop the disablist posts.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 19:28

Dixie oh yes please let me make it clear that I don't think children having ASD is down to bad parenting :( At all. And I'm not attacking the ASD community or my DS who is possibly a part of that.

Thankyou for sharing that insightful post about your child's nursery teacher and her Ds. It helps me understand more. Some people just take offence at everything I post.

MrsDeVere · 22/06/2016 19:30

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practy · 22/06/2016 19:33

As a disabled woman I have never had problems from anyone else I knew was disabled. I have had nasty anti disabled remarks or actions aimed at me. And very basic lack of knowledge such as cafe staff replying to my friend when I order something in a cafe. This stuff is not lurking beneath the surface at all. It is every day reality for anyone that has a visible disability.

SoleBizzz · 22/06/2016 19:34

Her behaviour woukd have stressed me out of I was using the changing room with my totally blind and globally delayed baby. I woukd have reported her to the Manager.

Yanbu

AliceInUnderpants · 22/06/2016 19:36

26 deleted posts on this thread so far, and yet some posters are unaware that there's a much wider problem going on here?

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:36

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PortiaCastis · 22/06/2016 19:39

This is awful and disablist and hopefuly untrue

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 19:40

Oh my poor poos. They got deleted. Happy little poos they were.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 19:40

Dixie :(
I was only thinking the other day that I worry DS won't have any friends because people won't like him. And I'm not saying that children with ASD aren't likeable before anyone is offended by my worries for DS. He is absolutely lovely and it does break my heart.

NeedACleverNN · 22/06/2016 19:43

2 pages late but this jumped out at me

Why couldn't you have shared the space with the lady? Let her in along with you ?

Or would you have caught the disabled?

Now this is ridiculous. After a woman has shouted and kicked the door and acted in a fairly aggressive manner, you would then open the door and say" why don't you come and join us?"

I wouldn't. I would be terrified after hearing all of that and I would not want to be in an enclosed space with her

Pagwatch · 22/06/2016 19:46

Yes, I agree with MrsDeVere.

This is another of a stream of posts encouraging nasty comments about people with disabilities by pitting them against helpless/hapless mothers with babies.
It's antagonistic and mean spirited and it's incredibly distressing to many posters who are dealing with disability daily.

Keeping these shit stirring threads and the wealth of posters who turn up to vent about uppity people with disabilities daring to need special facilities is soul destroying for many.

I started a thread in site stuff asking if posters dealing daily with the huge emotional and physical burden of dealing with SN and disability could get a bit more support. I guess this thread is pretty indicative that things won't change.

It's dull and its relentless. Maybe I'll alleviate the boredom by name changing to tell everyone about this really upsetting moment where a pensioner wearing medals was spat at by a woman in a burka and asking if I was unreasonable to be upset.

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:47

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Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:48

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DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:48

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Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 19:49

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Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:49

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Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 19:50

Tired please stop please.

There is no need for it, we've all explained again and again.

Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:50

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DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:51

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fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 19:51

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SauvignonBlanche · 22/06/2016 19:53

I can't stand that 'I wouldn't allow my child bollocks' either. Angry

I never thought I'd 'allow' my DS to strangle me but when they get bigger it's a lot harder to deal with than when they're 3.

Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:53

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Maryz · 22/06/2016 19:54

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