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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
practy · 22/06/2016 18:19

Of course not everyone functions within normal behaviour patterns. But that is not what we are talking about on this thread.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 18:21

that is not what we are talking about on this thread.

Yes it is.

Maryz · 22/06/2016 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 18:22

Yeah. Because as a mum I don't give a shit about my three. I just leave them to get on with it themselves and mug passers by fit their dinner.

Why should I be fucked to parent?

They got the statements of Sen all by themselves. Placements at specialist schools. I did funk all except sit in my arse and cash in.

Ok, now in all seriousness...
Part of the problem is that not all children can live up to expectation. No matter how much intervention, teaching and care is put in. I'm realistic about that yet still try to instil into my children that certain things make life nicer for everyone.

It won't all go in. Two still smear but it'll be an ongoing thing.
Doesn't mean it'll get through because they have a disability.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 18:26

Bishop why are you losing your rag at me?

Replies like yours will put people off asking for help and advice because you're somehow offended? I've never said you don't give a shit about your kids and can't be arsed to parent them.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 18:30

You have form on other goady threads on the 'I wouldn't let my kids get away with that' front (not started by you, let's be clear).

When reminded that it's not the case for everyone you get the hump on the 'oh so I shouldn't bother, then' front.

Every time it's not meant like that, by me or any of the at least other two posters who have attempted to engage with you. We are simply pointing out that some people because of the nature of their disability may never ever grasp a concept no matter how many times it's taught. Because they are disabled.

And the 'I wouldn't let my kids get away with that' does disabled people a major disservice.

KatherineMumsnet · 22/06/2016 18:30

We've had a lot of reports about this thread, and we are doing our best to moderate as quickly as we can - we simply aren't able to get back to all of you individually, and for that we really are sorry.

If you have any complaints at all, please do get in touch at: [email protected], and we will do our best to get back to you as soon we can to address your concerns.

The very last thing we ever wish is for anyone to feel unheard, unsupported and let down by us - please rest assured that we do care, very much, and we are doing the best we can.

DragonflyDaffodil · 22/06/2016 18:31

How vulgar and unkind this opening post is.

Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 18:31

This threads a joke only on mn is it ok to shout at people with a 4 month old baby. If you dare to feel upset by this then your disablist

Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 18:33

How is the op vulgar and unkind I feel like I'm reading a diffrent op? Confused

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 18:34

Bishop I am not engaging with you any more.
Like I said I am just beginning to understand ASD and what difficulties it will hold for my DS through his life, and if you think I am trying to goad you by mentioning my own child's difficulties and how I am not 100% clued up about it, then it really puts me off talking to you. I just find you really unpleasant.

FlouncyMcFlounceFace · 22/06/2016 18:39

tiredofsummer i don't actually see any posts saying it's okay.

I don't actually read people knocking the OP for being upset.

I see a lot of people suggesting how violent they would be in a similar circumstance, which wasn't the stance the OP took and I fail to see how violence against a disabled person isn't disablist.

Various people are also trying to explain how the outburst may have been part of the disability. Not minimising the event or distress caused to either party.

honkinghaddock · 22/06/2016 18:40

The only posts I have read that say it is OK to shout at anyone are those saying they would shout at the disabled woman.

OohMavis · 22/06/2016 18:41

I'm reading the same OP as you Tired and I did wonder the same thing.

I think people are becoming upset because this seems to be part of a trend, and not necessarily because this specific thread is disablist (or maybe I'm wrong? I don't see it, at all).

Though I can't honestly say I've noticed this trend myself. I remember the bus thread but seem to recall everyone basically agreeing that the OP was BU. I can't think of any others.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 18:45

only on mn is it ok to shout at people with a 4 month old baby.

No it's not okay.

HTH.

Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 18:45

oohmavis I agree I think everyones concentrating more on how hard it is for disabled people which is a diffrent issue.

The op was in the right in this case I think she handled it very well.

TheLionSleepsAha · 22/06/2016 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 18:48

Oh look, heres some more poorly educated bullshit - "There's no excuse for poor manners"
Look outside your own bubble ffs

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 22/06/2016 18:48

Or perhaps she was disabled and as a result of this doesn't understand social norms?

Beeziekn33ze · 22/06/2016 18:53

Dragonflydaffodill- I'm wasting time here looking for vulgarity and unkindness.

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceInUnderpants · 22/06/2016 19:04

Oh finally, five hours later someone's post is deleted for calling a distressed woman a cunt and stating they would physically assault them. On the ball today, MNHQ Hmm

FTR, I have no issue with the OP. I agree that in a shared space, if an urgent need is not presented, it's first come first served.

The disgusting replies on this thread from some posters is the issue, imo.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 19:09

Likewise, meandmy
I'd be very happy for you to avoid my posts. But if I see posts along the lines of "I wouldn't allow" referring to a child with a disability I'll challenge it because otherwise posters with an agenda will file it in their arsenal fir attacking the ASD community.

Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.