Disabled/baby change

[Babyred457]

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

I meant "they" as in them and the lady. They as a general, family + woman.

You know when pregnant people women say that they couldnt possibly be more tired? That.

But for all they knew she wasn't disabled and could have used the normal changing room? Why would they assume she was disabled?

Obviously according to some here, yes. You do not need to bother teaching him not to verbally abuse others.

will it be ok for him to go through life speaking to people rudely and not use manners? Am I being ridiculous and completely unrealistic for wanting my autistic child to learn how to use manners?

No but expecting him to use them when he is extremely anxious, somewhere unfamilier and trying to remember social etiquette?

You'd presumably like a world that gave him some leaway when he gets it wrong, and trust me he will get it wrong.

Oh of course. Because those who don't have the ability to learn certain behaviours because of DISability have never been taught by their parents

Anyone would think you're my mother.

fuckingcunt *Why couldn't you have shared the space with the lady? Let her in along with you ?

Or would you have caught the disabled?* Was that regarding my post? That's really ridiculous if so. To the point of reporting.

fuckingcunt.... she shouted she was disabled as they were already using the room and inside it.

Walking, as some have already said (though may have been deleted) this post isnt alone. Every day there are a few new posts about how entitled some random disabled person is, or something about "very few people genuinely need carers allowance" or "i'm worried my sister is a drug addict because she has a chronic pain condition". Every day.
And so many of them begin with "i've namechanged for this"

Mnhq said they would do something about it, and so far that consists of deleting the posts of the disabled people who are unhappy

How depressing that this thread is still here.

I understand MNHQ saying they don't want to shut down debate or whatever, but reading all the same ignorance, stupidity and vitriol towards disabled people AGAIN is so demoralising.

Does no-one read and really think about the experiences and opinions, shared every time this vitriol starts up, of the posters in the same position of the woman who needed this changing room. People for whom every journey, every leisure activity, every meal out, every bit of excercise is an effort because of their disability, and only made harder by able-bodied neurotypicals using the (often only) facility that makes it physically or mentally possible for them to access that area. And that has to be provided for them, by law. But is then blocked by people who have no need for it. Who then are aggrieved that the disabled individual does not or cannot wait quietly and show proper gratitude. And who area not sure if they are being unreasonable or not to offer up that area to them.

What is wrong with people? Seriously?

Beyond That isn't something i was aware of as i read a select amount of posts but that helps to understand why some people are so riled, so thank you for that information it was really helpful.

I just think on the off chance that OP didn't know that either and was telling the truth, well, i'd probably post on here about an incident like that and would be gutted if no-one believed me or thought i was disablist. But the context of the general situation on MN at the moment is definitely beneficial into understanding some of the reactions. And such an awful thing to be happening

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys

Further to my last post, it's attidude that are displayed on this thread which will make life hard for your DS. One mistake in his tone of voice or looking at someone wrong and the result is unthinking, not understanding people smashing his face in becuase of "Sociaties norms" he hasn't followed.

All the people on this thread are asking for is understanding and not blame. Nobody is saying it's right or it sohuld be encouraged, but that peopel need to think.

Why would a disabled woman want to share a space to change with a man she doesn't know?

Sorry fuckingcunt it's when we all post at the same time i get a bit confused because the posts end up next to each other, i think i might remove myself from it now as i'd hate to keep getting the wrong end of the stick

Bishop As his mum I love him and whatever difficulties he has with understanding and behaviour I accept him for who he is.

But there is no harm in trying to teach him to use manners and be polite to people. At 3 he says please and Thankyou but only when prompted. I really do think that once he has overcome his speech and language delay and also gets older he will learn to use manners without my guidance. Is that me being too optimistic?
I'm just starting out here and trying to understand ASD and how I can support DS, and whether my expectations are too high

I can understand why strangers would be annoyed at someone who speaks to them rudely, whether that person has a disability or not. It's the shock of someone speaking to you like that when you have no idea what their background is. How is anyone supposed to know about My DS unless I write a sign on his forehead.

I think people are being a bit OTT with the vitriol towards the OP. She used the family changing facilities for which she is entitled.

I get that it is also the disabled changing and this is the fault of the establishment for not separating them but she did nothing wrong. When challenged she let the woman use the room.

I don't think it is right that everyone is getting so irate, yes a disabled person can be just rude, it does happen or she may have a disability such as ASD that made her have a meltdown- we need to educate people on disabilities but this thread has just become a bun fight and not educational for anyone.

practy tolerance is also an essential life skill and something many would consider good manners. Not everyone on the thread is currently demonstrating it.

Some people can't be taught to operate completely within normal behaviour patterns. Not through want of trying. I haven't actually read anyone posting that it's okay not to teach using manners. Many posters have tried to explain just that sometimes it isn't going to happen and you just keep working as hard as you damn well can to get as close to those norms as possible to be able to function.

How is anyone supposed to know about My DS unless I write a sign on his forehead.

We are trying to change attitudes so people think first and judge later.

The woman in the OP's story even said she was disabled, And look at the result.