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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 17:49

Of course babys (sic) need bigger changing rooms.
All 6ft of them an' all...

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 17:50

We dont know what the woman was thinking, all we know is that she wanted to use the changing room. Forgive me if i've missed it (ipad is playing up) but afaik she didnt comment on the OPs lack of disability, just shouted that she needed to use that changing room

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:50

Jason you and others are saying it people should be more
Considerate of being verbally abused by a disabled person. More
Understanding. More sensitive. Not react negatively. Are you not? Because if not what's your point?

Please re-read my posts.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 17:50

Every disabled room is also baby change where i live in the middle of fucking nowhere and i wouldn't expect someone with a baby not to use the facility... Or else why would it exist in the first place.

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 17:51

Her carer could have been there, just not in the pool with her. It is possible they didnt forsee this and only thought of problems with eg transport

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:51

Nobody has said it is okay.

People are saying it isn't right to
1)put the blame on the woman
2)call her a cunt
3)call her a bit mad
4) tell her to fuck off
5) slam the door in her face and make her wait as long as possible

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 17:54

Nobody has said it is okay.

People are saying it isn't right to
1)put the blame on the woman
2)call her a cunt
3)call her a bit mad
4) tell her to fuck off
5) slam the door in her face and make her wait as long as possible

Disabled changing required by law
Family changing not required by law

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 17:55

Oops!!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:55

Damn it my sockpuppet account is blown!

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 17:56
Grin
WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 17:56

Beyond the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene

I would take that as someone saying i wasn't eligible, but i understand her DH had said "this is also the family room" so for OP this clarified roughly. However some people might not want to openly say "i am also disabled" i know i certainly wouldn't want to do that, coz then it would be a "who is more disabled" contest. Sad

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:56

I'm joking by the way.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:57

Becuasse that wouldn't make a good mumsnet post.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlouncyMcFlounceFace · 22/06/2016 17:58

I think some posters are so passionate about the effect disability has on their lives they're forgetting / wanting to ignore that we operate in a society...

society the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community.

It isn't very ordered!

Right now we appear to be saying as a society we don't have the money to assist those who need it. We don't have the resource to institutionalise people who operate outside the norms (and in a half-arsed fashion clutch pearls and say oh no we shouldn't go back to mental asylums in every town that isn't what we want), yet we won't tolerate differences when out in public.

If someone needs a carer in the community and don't have an advocate to get that support, it ain't going to happen.

Reducing ourselves to violent, aggressive, disabled bashers - swearing in an older persons face! really! It achieves nothing, accept hurt.

Reporting the incident to the gym, suggesting changes to the layout to mitigate this sort of thing, asking the gym to contact social services if it's felt this woman might need real life support might just help move society forwards.

Any one of us could develop dementia, have an accident or develop a condition and find themselves enduring the effect disability has on life and the lives of those around you.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 17:59

I don't understand why you wouldn't change a baby in the baby changing facilities if no-one is using them and no-one else was even in the changing rooms... That defies logic.

Maryz · 22/06/2016 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 18:01

Especially as they were the only ones in the pool with her. So you're suggesting they assume she is disabled and avoid the room just in case she decided to get out when they did? Just like she assumed that they were not.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 22/06/2016 18:04

I have a question.
My DS2 has suspected ASD. If he has got it, will it be ok for him to go through life speaking to people rudely and not use manners? Am I being ridiculous and completely unrealistic for wanting my autistic child to learn how to use manners?

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 18:05

What are you going to do if because of his disability he is unable to behave in the way you wish him to, my3?

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 18:06

I just can't get my head around if i made this thread "I was using baby change for my 4 month old (yep i actually have one) with my DP but i have a disability that means i need to use the facilities available rather than a regular change room. A lady who was the only other person in the pool came and started banging and shouting that i didn't need the room and she did as she was disabled. AIBU to have given her the room to de-escalate the situation?"

Why would that be an unacceptable/goady post? I'm sure it would have had different responses. Some of the commenters have been really out of order towards disabled people, but the OP wasn't in my opinion.