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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Disabled/baby change

585 replies

Babyred457 · 22/06/2016 13:10

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

OP posts:
WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 17:25

MeAndMy Ahh i get it now sorry SmileBlush

OhSoggyBiscuit · 22/06/2016 17:27

Jesus Christ, not again.

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

practy · 22/06/2016 17:28

Nope, because you do not engage in any arguments at all.
Except you think adult disabled people without a carer, are fine to verbally abuse strangers.

MrsDeVere · 22/06/2016 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 17:28

I must say i am appalled at some of the suggestions here that are unknowingly disablist :(

But also the OP only vented online as a reaction, she couldn't have done anything more than she did, you can't expect someone not to be upset by anyone scaring them

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:29

you think adult disabled people without a carer, are fine to verbally abuse strangers.

And you think you know more about disabled people than someone on an internet forum.

WalkingBlind · 22/06/2016 17:30

*I worked with the elderly for 10 years, plenty of people with onset dementia are living in the community and out and about without carers. The don't always observe societies norms

I trained as a mh nurse and plenty of people unless they are sectioned are out and about in the community on their own. They don't always observe societies norms

Not everyone who needs a carer has one

Not all nt people observe societies norms either what ever the fuck they are*

I think this is spot on!

CraftyPenguin · 22/06/2016 17:31

I would have used the family/disabled room too op. I wouldn't have put my baby on the floor to change her because I'd struggle with my back. If someone was then aggressive at me due to me using the room, I'd be upset too. What would the other lady have done if the person occupying the room was also disabled?

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 17:31

Watch out Mrs DeVere they're the sort of comments that got deleted earlier!

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:32

What would the other lady have done if the person occupying the room was also disabled?

The same probably.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 17:32

Most of society's norms are pretty fucking odd, really.

NavyAndWhite · 22/06/2016 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 22/06/2016 17:35

Yep, pretty sure me saying that was deleted (not looked back)

Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 17:35

Why is this being turned in to societys norms and no one understand disabled people does anyone here really think it is ok to intimidate a family with a young baby is that really ok?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiredofsummer · 22/06/2016 17:37

Cos it's bloody hard work to change a baby why shouldn't a baby have a special changing room ffs. Why shouldn't babys have a bigger fucking changing room

BeyondTellingEveryoneRealFacts · 22/06/2016 17:37

As we're not allowed to doubt the thread, how about the suggestion that odds are the op is elaborating a little on the facts, as all aibu posters do? Who wants to bet that the woman actually knocked on the door and asked nicely?

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 22/06/2016 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:37

does anyone here really think it is ok to intimidate a family with a young baby is that really ok?

Nobody has said it is okay.

People are saying it isn't right to
1)put the blame on the woman
2)call her a cunt
3)call her a bit mad
4) tell her to fuck off
) slam the door in her face and make her wait as long as possible

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 22/06/2016 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 22/06/2016 17:38

Cos it's bloody hard work to change a baby why shouldn't a baby have a special changing room ffs. Why shouldn't babys have a bigger fucking changing room

Becuase they don't know what a changing room is?