Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to wonder why DH has sent a friend request to what looks like a woman he and his friends met on a recent jolly?

162 replies

1million · 22/06/2016 12:00

Saw it on his FB page as it came up XX and XX are now friends and looks like he friend requested her.... so after doing some research looks like her and her friend who on hols the same time as DH and his friends. So what to do...

OP posts:
PrivatePike · 22/06/2016 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChatterNatterer · 22/06/2016 14:12

I would ask why my DH added a random woman he met on holiday and wouldn't be too impressed with him. Equally, I don't think I would add random blokes I met on holiday to my facebook friends either. He is the kind of person that adds folks to his facebook after nodding to each other in the pub tho lol

ChatterNatterer · 22/06/2016 14:12

I would ask why my DH added a random woman he met on holiday and wouldn't be too impressed with him. Equally, I don't think I would add random blokes I met on holiday to my facebook friends either. He is the kind of person that adds folks to his facebook after nodding to each other in the pub tho lol

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 22/06/2016 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarklahMarklah · 22/06/2016 14:29

Paula he first messaged her to say he wasn't sure how they knew each other. She responded to say that she didn't know him, and in fact, had no idea who he was, but she just accepted friend requests.

Maybe he was being overly concerned!

He most definitely didn't send a request - and the same thing happened to several other people at around the same time - their account generated requests that they had not actively sent.

Original poster
1million · 22/06/2016 14:29

OK so to clarify ... tablet at home is set up with DH FB account already logged in - So being nosey ...ok ok shoot me now if you must... I clicked the FB icon and saw the accepted friend request and yes with my then very extra nosey head on went onto the friends profile and looked and saw the photos. For the record no he didn't mention anyone whatsoever who they'd met. He is fairly secretive about things but always puts it down to "oh I forgot to tell you, or hadn't I already mentioned that to you" etc...

Also I will ask later "So who is the girl who you've become FB friends with today" - If he had nothing to hide he will answer truthfully wont he

OP posts:
carabos · 22/06/2016 14:37

So you were snooping? No wonder he's fairly secretive about things Hmm.

Original poster
1million · 22/06/2016 14:40

No being nosey not snooping #bigdifference

OP posts:
Letmehaveausername · 22/06/2016 14:41

No there's not
#justsaying

Original poster
1million · 22/06/2016 14:42

Nosey = showing curiosity about other people's affairs

Snooping = investigate or look around furtively in an attempt to find out something

OP posts:
bluelady7 · 22/06/2016 14:44

Please cut 1million a break. This is not right in a marriage, and you all know it. You wouldn't be happy if it were happening to you.

1million, I hope for your sake there is nothing in this, but it seems to me that he is fishing, looking for excitement. I hope it hasn't gone any further than this.

Best wishes.

LaConnerie · 22/06/2016 14:49

I agree - I wouldn't be happy with this either. I can't believe anybody would be really, but on MN everybody seems to be a 'cool wife' Hmm

Discobabe · 22/06/2016 14:50

yanbu. There is clearly a reason why this situation makes you uncomfortable. I never snooped/noseyed on my dh until my instincts told me somethong wasn't right when he came back from a trip away. I had zero proof of anything but I knew, somehow - instinct! If he's not fb savvy I might even sit and wait to see what happens next, much easier said than done though.

carabos · 22/06/2016 14:51

By your own definition, when you went onto the friend's profile you snooped.

FlyingElbows · 22/06/2016 14:52

I couldn't give a shit who Mr Elbows adds to Facebook. He's the type of bloke who'll speak to anyone. I have enough faith in him and trust in our relationship not to think he's screwing every woman he meets. Snooping and asking mn randoms rather than just asking says everything it needs to say about the op's relationship.

BumbleNova · 22/06/2016 14:52

But why were you snooping? do you suspect something?

sorry but I cannot get my head round you being upset that your DH added someone as a friend on FB. either you trust him or you dont. being this suspicious must be exhausting. is there something else going on?

Mimicat44 · 22/06/2016 14:53

I would ask him, it doesn't have to be an interrogation. if you're concerned and it's innocent, I'm sure he'll be happy to put your mind at rest. If he seems shifty then I guess there's your answer too.

LaBelleOtero · 22/06/2016 14:53

Two pillars of Mumsnet.

The first being the many threads every single week of women finding out their DH has cheated, the women who are struggling to salvage their marriages to cheaters, and the women who have been approached by friends husbands and married colleagues.

And this is the second. Oh, your poor husband isn't even allowed to make a female FRIEND? I hope he divorces you!!!

TweedAddict · 22/06/2016 14:56

Just so you know if you go onto Facebook in the search bar but husbands name then likes or posts or shares it brings up all the other stuff he has been looking at then

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/06/2016 14:59

Snooping and asking mn randoms rather than just asking says everything it needs to say about the op's relationship

well are you not the lucky one? that reeks of smugness frankly

MummyBex1985 · 22/06/2016 14:59

Oh god please don't add her to your own Facebook.

My male friends wife keeps trying to add me. Friend and I go years back but don't talk, we're just FB friends. His new wife has no reason at all to want to add me (we've never even met and I haven't spoken to friend since way before they got together) except to stalk his female friends, which I find a bit batshit!

Pinkheart5915 · 22/06/2016 15:00

I wouldn't say I'm a cool wife no but a photo of my DH on a night out wouldn't bother me unless he had his tongue down her throat, there have been photos of me that's dh has seen from my nights out sometimes if me and friends have been messing around there have been men in the photos. We both know the other would never do anything with anybody else so for us it throws up no insecure issues.

Neither me or DH have Facebook anyway so adding somebody would never be an issue but my sis in law will add anybody she has met even for like 10 minutes it's just how she is, and shock that can include men!

Just ask him OP if it bothers you, see what he says. Is there a reason for lack of trust OP? Because I'm sorry checking his Facebook etc isn't being nosey it is snooping

gingerbreadmanm · 22/06/2016 15:02

Oh god this has brought back memories. Dp went on a boys hol 3months into our relationship. Noticed upon his return all his friends bar him had made friends with three girls.

fb stalked the girls profiles found a pic of one of the girls with lots of stuff linked to my dp (think stupid cartoon character) captioned 'missing dps name already'. Then discovered the girls had followed him on fb and likely tried to friend him but he ignored.

Later came out on his all inclusive hol he had gone to their room and they cooked fajitas for him and his friends.

Thats all i know. Still boils my blood now but i chose to believe him at time.

Sorry nothing constructive to add.

kerbys · 22/06/2016 15:02

I'd be nosing for England in your place OP and I would not be happy.

Secretive you say?

Original poster
1million · 22/06/2016 15:03

Thanks bluelady7

OP posts: