...to wonder why DH has sent a friend request to what looks like a woman he and his friends met on a recent jolly?

[1million]

Saw it on his FB page as it came up XX and XX are now friends and looks like he friend requested her.... so after doing some research looks like her and her friend who on hols the same time as DH and his friends. So what to do...

[notapizzaeater]

I'd just be sitting back now and watching from the sidelines, he doesn't think you are supisious so might make silly mistakes.

[KinkyAfro]

I would also not be happy about this. I'm all for making new friends but if my DP went on a lad's holiday and starting issuing friend requests to women he'd met there, I'd be wondering why too. I think you're getting a hard time OP and hope you get to the bottom of it one way or another.

[DisneyMillie]

I don't know why you're getting a hard time on here OP from some people - but equally don't assume he's misbehaving.

My DP has lots of female friends and I couldn't care less. Equally would be fine if he added someone from work / hobbies. But I'd be a bit put out if he added some random girl from a night out - I just don't see the need to keep in touch in those circumstances (or frankly why thet were talking that much in the first place - I don't go out with friends to talk to other people / men (but maybe that's because I'm in my thirties).

Having said that DP did accept a friend request from a random girl last time he went on holiday - but she sent it, she added all his friends and I trust him totally. (And he's said since it probably wasn't appropriate to accept the request as he wouldn't want me to in similar circumstances)

[OnionKnight]

Given how you are getting yourself worked up OP I can understand why he lied, have you ever queried any of his actions like this before?

[WellErrr]

Oh his friend

[WellErrr]

I thought they were already friends?

[1million]

Ok so this girl has now added DH friend to her FB friends.

So if he is telling the truth about her wanting to get in contact with his friend I cant get my head around why he would lie about her friend requesting him

[crayfish]

My DH will relatively regularly become FB friends with a random woman I have never heard of. If I ask who she is (out of interest) then it's always somebody from running club or canoeing club or whatever. I never think more of it or look at her profile or anything because a) I'm not that interested b) I trust him and c) he's a grown man and can be friends with anyone he wants to be.

That said, if he started friend requesting randoms he met on a lads holiday and then lying about it, I wouldn't feel that comfortable about it. I can't say why really, maybe just that the running club people have something in common and are actually in contact/friends in real life, so it seems logical they might be fb friends too. The holiday draper though? Why would you want to be fb friends with them? What's the point? And the lying is not ok. Keep yours eyes open OP.

[Sallystyle]

If anything had gone on, he wouldn't have added her on Facebook - he would be texting/calling her.

You are wrong.

Ever heard of hiding in plain slight? Quite common actually.

You honestly believe that people who have cheated or have come very close to cheating haven't added the OW/OM on FB to make it look more innocent?

People do it all the time. Your leap is quite incredible as well.

I am not saying he has or hasn't cheated, but adding her on FB doesn't prove his innocence.

[scarednoob]

Sorry, should read, thought you'd be suspicious and cross for nothing

[scarednoob]

Honestly, some of the leaps people make are incredible.

If anything had gone on, he wouldn't have added her on Facebook - he would be texting/calling her. My guess is that he thinks you'd be cross so he stupidly lied to try and pre empt that, not realising he would make it worse.

However, the secrecy does suggest perhaps he has a little crush - hopefully harmless and doesn't mean he would ever do anything, or that she would, but you are right to keep a careful eye on him for the moment, just in case it escalates.

[Mummyme1987]

Try messaging her saying hi sexy and see what she says

[MagicMojito]

Don't tell him you snooped (you definetly DID by the way) If you tell him then hell make sure he deletes anything he doesn't want you to see. If he's unaware your looking however....

[fastdaytears]

I think you're right to give it a few days to see what comes out. Would be interesting if his FB password changes suddenly.

But in the meantime you really do need to eat and look after yourself

[happypoobum]

He's a liar. I would be asking myself what else he was lying about.

Agree with PP to trust your gut OP. Just ignore the women who are happy for their husbands to date/cuddle/fondle/"drape" other women. Their lives their choice, absolutely. But this is about your life and your choices.

[1million]

Biscuit thank you for your input means alot

[BiscuitMillionaire]

LaBelleOtero Wed 22-Jun-16 14:53:46
Two pillars of Mumsnet.

The first being the many threads every single week of women finding out their DH has cheated, the women who are struggling to salvage their marriages to cheaters, and the women who have been approached by friends husbands and married colleagues.

And this is the second. Oh, your poor husband isn't even allowed to make a female FRIEND? I hope he divorces you!!!

THIS /\ /\ /\ x 1000.

[Sallystyle]

If you aren't a 'cool wife' you are insecure, and have a shitty marriage and you are controlling ;)

People have different boundaries and what is normal in one relationship isn't in another.

It would be so out of character for DH to add someone on FB he just met, especially a woman who is 'draped' over him so yes, I would be bloody worried, especially if he didn't tell me he met a new friend. He is not at all social, he would have to really really like someone to go to the effort of friending them on FB which he checks once in a blue moon for a few seconds.

I added a new male friend on FB not so long ago, I told my husband about him and it isn't so out of character for me so he had no reason to worry.

OP, it doesn't sound great with the lying, I hope you manage to get to the bottom of it all.

[clam]

Where was he at 6.00am today? In bed (with you) asleep? If so, he can't have been on FB, presumably.

But you know already that she didn't ask him.

[WhimsicalWinnifred]

It could be that beer in them made them extra friendly so pictures look like they have known each other for years. It could b be that she is extra friendly and sat on his lap just as picture was taken. It could be anything. You are right to stay calm and see how it pans out. If a girl was sitting on dps lap I'd be concerned. Odd that his excuse straight away was that it was so she cou l d get in contact with his mate. Diverts attention from him. Could easily be as he says but as easily it could be the opposite.

Please do eat. Don't worry until you know you have to worry x

[clam]

fastdaytears makes a good point. He has said quite plainly that she requested him, in order to make contact with his mate. You know for a fact that he requested her, which means she wasn't looking for his mate.
Why would he try to deflect like this?

[1million]

Just thought of something else...no cool wives Im not drip feeding before you shoot me down lol...they became friends at 6.00am today do this shows the person who accepted did it at this time so he has sort of dropped himself in it

[1million]

It was last night she was friend requested no even his memories that bad!!!! Also the draping looked like drunken silly photos probably the ones you'd expect to see with a group of friends on a drunken night out not with someone youve just met. Will see if anything more comes to light then will decide what to do

[fastdaytears]

If I had added someone in the last few days I would remember who added who.

But more importantly, his story about her adding him in order to make contact with his mate doesn't make any sense if he added her.

[1million]

Think I will just see what happens over rhe next few days. I couldnt say I had seen photos as he would know I had been on. So many times on Mumsnet Ive read how DH's get on the defence, turn stuff around and make out we are the parinoid ones then when it all comes out turns out our gut instincts were right. I need to stay calm and see what's what on a few days otherwise Im going to make myself ill...I havent eaten properly today because of the knot inside me.